At 80 years old, I thought I would get more respect from my daughter, but we always find reason to bicker. Sometimes it gets pretty heated and those times when it does I always leave feeling bad. We do come back around in time but how do I quit this bickering back and forth with her?
How do you change long-standing relationship patterns? Sorry to be the bearer of the answer you may not want to hear but you probably won’t be able to stop the way the two of you relate. Not completely any way. The hopeful element, though, is that you alone can do your part to make this better. Your daughter doesn’t need to know about your plan to change, but she will notice the change in you.
The key is to recognize what your triggers are with her. First, you need to recognize a trigger coming on, a blow-up waiting to explode. Feel it in your body, “hear” it in your thoughts or “self talk”. That’s easier said than done, and it’s not automatic for you, so when you’re around her you’re going to need to pay close attention. When you feel your breathing changing and your thoughts turning toward wanting to scream at her, it’s time to implement your strategies for calming yourself down and removing yourself from this tango for two.
Don’t despair, I have always thought that saying, “You can’t teach an old dog a new trick” was bullshit! Good luck. I know that you, being eternally young at heart will learn several new tricks to improve your relationship!
Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~
- Looking over the past three blowups you had with your daughter, what were the triggers?
- What were you thinking and feeling in your body just before the blow-ups?
- How will you put yourself in to a state of mindfulness of your thoughts and bodily reactions the next time you know you’ll be seeing your daughter?
- What successful strategies have you used in stressful situations to calm yourself down?
- What would it mean to you to simply walk away from this tango for two, even if it means your daughter has the last word? (I know you hate me for that question! lol)
Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach who takes your questions on Relationships, Health, Careers, Sexuality and Self Care. No question is off limits! She gives her opinion, then partners with you by submitting Life Coaching questions that will help you move toward health and happiness in your life. Email your questions to email@example.com or arrange a time to talk with Joan in person on her radio talk show at www.joanjerkovich.com