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Hoarders Who Think They’re Just Collectors, What is the Difference?

Hoarders Who Think They’re Just Collectors, What is the Difference?

A collector: Takes pride in their possessions Experiences joy in displaying their collections Enjoys talking about their collectables Keeps their collected items well organized and displayed Feels satisfied when adding to their collection Effectively budgets their time spent collecting for their displays Effectively budgets the amount of money spent on their collections A hoarder: Experiences embarrassment about their possessions Feels uncomfortable when others see their hoard Have clutter that takes up livable space Feels sad after acquiring additional items Feels ashamed that they have added to their hoard Are often in debt due to their hoarding Have anxiety over discarding or parting with possessions Often experience marital or family discord over the hoarding What are the top 8 Items people usually hoard? 1. Newspapers 2. Magazines 3. Paper and Plastic Bags 4. Cardboard Boxes 5. Photographs 6. Household Supplies 7. Food 8. Clothing What are common items people collect? 1. Sports cards 2. Coins 3. Stamps To learn more about hoarding and hear a daughter’s story about her hoarder mother, listen to the podcast: Understanding Hoarding; Helping Hoarder Mom The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Passive-Aggressive Tactics are Cowardly, Lily-livered and Chicken-hearted

Passive-Aggressive Tactics are Cowardly, Lily-livered and Chicken-hearted

If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of a passive-aggressive attack, it may leave you scratching your head wondering if the attack was intentional, or a reasonable mistake. Maybe they just haven’t gotten around to responding to your email? Or they forgot? Or their comment to you wasn’t meant to be cutting and critical, it was just a poor choice of words where you misperceived what they said. What one sign will point you to the fact that you are dealing with a passive-aggressive person? They repeat this type of behavior. We all step in do-do on occasion. We have all been known to say dumb-shit stuff we regret later. But, the passive-aggressive isn’t making mindless mistakes; their actions are calculated and intentional. The hallmark of a passive-aggressive attack is that it is intentionally indirect and intentionally covertly delivered. It is the cowardly, lily-livered and chicken-hearted way of addressing an issue. This is the attack that sneaks up on you from behind. Yes, it can be shrouded in fancy words or slight-of-hand actions, but it will still hit you hard like a gut punch. But here’s where it gets tricky, because the mask of passive-aggressive has many shapes and colors. Get ready for this parade of go-to-favorites most commonly used by this personality type: procrastination, forgetfulness, rumor mongering, indirect criticism, outright sabotage, silent treatment, intentional obstruction and inefficiency, stubbornness, neglect, victimhood, argumentative, general negativity. Have you heard enough or do you want a scholarly opinion? Author Dr. Sam Vaknin writes that “passive-aggressiveness has a lot in common with pathological narcissism: the destructive envy, the recurrent attempts to buttress grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience, the lack of impulse control, the deficient ability to empathize, and the sense of entitlement, often incommensurate with its real-life achievements.” So what do

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Face Your Fear of Failure

Face Your Fear of Failure

If you find yourself so scared of making a mistake that you never take on a new venture. Or, you hesitate to enter the game unless you are assured of winning the gold medal; you may be challenged by a “fear of failure”. Signs you are suffering from a fear of failure can be: Reluctance to try new things Avoidance of new experiences Resistance to challenge yourself Putting off tasks, a.k.a. procrastination Discomfort with the anxiety of a new adventure Failure to follow through with plans and goals Avoiding things that can’t be completed to perfection Negative self-talk and low self esteem Face it! Embrace it! Work to face your fears by: Laying to rest the fear of the unknown Considering all possible outcomes Maping out your Plan B Building confidence by thinking positive Tamping down the negative self-talk Face your fears and live your life to its fullest! Think of all the life lessons you will learn along the way, even when failure befalls you. Ask anyone famous and successful and they will tell you that success is always littered with failure~why should your path be any easier or mistake-free? So, don’t be a weeney or scardey cat. Put on your brave face and embrace the newest adventure in your life! Listen to the podcast “Facing Your Fear of Failure” and share your comments if you dare! The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!  

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Make Your Dreams a Reality

Make Your Dreams a Reality

Dreaming about what we want in life is the fun part.  It’s where we languish in the thoughts that fuel our fantasies for that life we’ve always wanted to live…but just haven’t gotten around to accomplishing yet. Do you dream of being financially independent where you can spend your days on whatever strikes your fancy?  Or, do you dream of having that great relationship or job that just hasn’t seemed to come your way?  How about, do you dream about doing something big in life that will leave an imprint on humanity or the world once you’re gone?  No matter how big or small your dream is, it’s your divine right to choose how to live your life.  So, turn your dreams into reality by following these steps: Dream Big The dreams that you have held dear for many years are most likely the ones that you will be able to sustain and achieve, so, take that dream and make it bigger than life!  Get a little crazy with your dream and make it look, in your mind, like a blockbuster movie that you have created.  Put in the sights and smells, set the stage and don your costume, all the while visualizing yourself in the starring role.  Give your Life Dream a name and plaster it on the biggest, most obnoxious movie marquee you can visualize.  Know in your being that what you are seeing is a new beginning in your life! Gauge your Commitment Making your dreams a reality will require commitment, consistency, discipline and drive.  Either ponder these in your mind or write them on a piece of paper then come up with a plan for how you are going to keep these necessary components of success active and alive as you move forward with your plan

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A Love-Hate Relationship With Food

 A Love-Hate Relationship With Food

Compulsive eating is my greatest enemy, but it is also my greatest friend. Both my parents are alcoholics. Living with a mom who is a screamer and a dad who is passive-aggressive drove me to food for comfort. Mom was a compulsive eater too. After her nightly fights with dad, she would retreat to her bedroom with a bag of chips, a box of crackers and two liters of soda. My parents weren’t there for me because they were too wrapped up in their own problems. At least I could always predict and rely on the comfort of a macaroni and cheese casserole. ~This story comes from “Maura” who shared her story about compulsive eating on the Internet. Compulsive overeating, also referred to as binge eating, is a serious eating disorder that carries with it both physical and emotional complications. “Maura” posted that she suffered with depression, muscle aches, asthma, irritable bowel syndrome and stretch marks. She wrote, “None of that is as bad as the inner pain, the low self-esteem, the shame, the isolation and the embarrassment” that her compulsive overeating have caused her. There are qualified professionals available to help. One effective program is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It can help binge-eaters learn to challenge the distorted beliefs and thoughts they have related to food. Becoming more aware and mindful of their desires, uncomfortable feelings and urges that drive them to overeat begins the process toward change. CBT helps people like “Maura” find a way to “sit with” the uncomfortable feelings that drive them to eat instead of judge them. It helps to replace their unhealthy urges with new, healthier eating behaviors. “Maura” has found hope and is making progress. She is learning to love herself and treat herself better and you can too. Take the first step

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Toxic Family Members, When Enough is Enough

Toxic Family Members, When Enough is Enough

The three brothers have such a deep history of not getting along that Tee, my radio talk show caller, was concerned there could be a fist-fight at their mothers funeral. Digging deeper in to the story of this family tension, it was uncovered that for years the mother had been pitting the brothers against each other. It was an interesting revelation in to the roles of what I want to call, Toxic Family Members. We’ve heard it said before that we don’t get to pick our family. So true. Who wouldn’t like to re-birth in to royalty; what girl doesn’t want to be a princess, what guy a prince? If you’re royalty, even if there is family dysfunction, at least there are the crown jewels to hide behind! When it comes to toxic family members, you know who they are. They’re the ones that everyone puts up with and make excuses for, the ones who create all the drama and discord. You dread seeing them at the family functions and maneuver around the buffet table in an attempt to avoid talking to them. They are the ones who’ve lost jobs, friends and respect by their peers for just plain being selfish, or nasty, or critical, or royal jerks…there’s a little piece of family royalty for you…the royal in your family may be a “royal” jerk? So, when is enough, enough? When is it time to cut ties with those toxic family members? First, let’s review the typical evolution of dissolution. (Evolution of dissolution? How’s that for a little rhyming ditty?…) You’ve spent years in conflict trying to figure out how to fix things. You’ve complained incessantly to your friends. You’ve had other family members try to mediate. You’ve wondered why you’ve been the target of this toxic family member. You’re

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You’re fired! How it happens, what to do.

You’re fired!  How it happens, what to do.

Getting fired or deciding to “resign” before the ax falls usually comes as no surprise to anyone. It usually happens after things have been headed in that direction for some time. You’ve gotten multiple warnings that getting late to work won’t be tolerated. Or, you’ve had that in office sit down with the boss where you heard the message that you need to play nice with your co-workers and be a team player. Maybe your hand got caught in the proverbial cookie jar where you were padding your company expense account. Or, it was found out that you “shared” some proprietary company secrets with the competition in a Kumbaya moment where you thought, “why can’t we all be friends”? You had it comin’ Whaaaat, you say? Why did I get fired? Poor me, I didn’t do anything wrong. How dare they fire me?? Let me pull you out of your denial and tell you the reasons most people get fired. I challenge you to open your eyes and see if any of them apply to you. Taken from the website beingfired.com, here are the 10 most likely things that will get you fired: 1. High absenteeism rate, being late often 2. Performing your tasks slowly and with errors 3. Unable to do your assigned tasks 4. Inconsistent and unreliable work behaviors 5. Refusing to follow directions and orders 6. Unable to get along with others 7. Drug and alcohol abuse 8. Being dishonest, espionage and theft 9. Personal business at work 10. Lying on your resume OK, you pulled your head out of your arse just long enough to recognize what got you fired, now what? Now, as you leave your job don’t tell off your boss or co-workers. Even if you’ve been waiting for this moment to point out

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Message to Mom and Dad: Drop the Curfew After College

Emily is dreading going home for the summer after her first year in college. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be with her family, it’s that she doesn’t want to give up the independence and freedom she had while at college. Specifically, she doesn’t want to go back to having to always check in with her parents when she goes out with her friends and she DOES NOT want to have to be home at midnight! Seriously, Mom and Dad, listen up! Once your child enters that young-adult-zone, and they have had a taste of getting to set their own rules, there’s no going back. But, you are still the parents, so you may be wanting or needing a new guide-map for parenting, one that allows your college age child to thrive and grow toward independent adulthood. Having an adult child move back home for a period of time poses unique challenges. Word is that 75 percent of college graduates move back home for various reasons: they run out of money, they can’t find a job, maybe they flunked out of college or got into legal or financial trouble. Sometimes they move back home with a child, or romantic partner in tow. Whatever the reasons, now is the time to re-evaluate the family rules. As adults living in your home, it might help to reframe your notion of them not as your children but more as roommates. They need to pull their own weight and take responsibility for themselves. You wouldn’t do a roommates laundry or pick up after them. You wouldn’t let a roommate lie around the house all day then not help pay the rent. You wouldn’t put gas in their car or pay their cell phone bill. This is not to say that your children who

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The Secrets to Motivation and The Yoga Lady Story

The Secrets to Motivation and The Yoga Lady Story

If you can find the magic formula for motivation, I will help you put it in to pill form and market it. Then, together, we can buy our vacation home on the beach and spend our days sifting sand and sipping tropical drinks that are colored blue, peach and yellow with garnishes of strawberry and pineapple. I’ll even let you eat my garnishes! Motivation is elusive. Don’t believe me? Just ask the many people who’ve started diets and failed; or began that exercise program only to quit after a few weeks; or are still writing their first novel after 10 years. While I don’t proclaim to have all the answers to how to get and stay motivated, I have learned a few things through trial and error and from others. Those smart research-people-types, who teach this kind of thing, will tell you that it’s important to set goals. If you don’t set a goal, I call it “having your eye on the prize”, you don’t have a target to shoot for. Setting goals is a science unto itself. And to do it right and improve your chances for success, set SMART goals: S: Specific. Break the goals down in to what we like to talk of in Life Coaching circles as “baby steps”. Make a list of all the little steps you will take to get started. Keep them as clearly defined and precise in their descriptions as possible. The Yoga Lady Story: I know of a lady who wanted to start doing Yoga so she wrote down the process of getting started very specifically. I think she was a little toooo precise (and maybe a little batty) but she found it helpful to write down that she would get started by simply getting out her yoga mat, laying it

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Just Released! Joan’s Life Coaching Book!

Just Released! Joan's Life Coaching Book!

CLICK HERE TO BUY Have you ever had a tough question about life and didn’t know where to turn? We all have. This companion book written by “Your” Life Coach, Joan Jerkovich, is a compilation of many of those tough questions as asked by Joan’s radio show listeners and blog followers.  In Volume 1 of the series, “Family Relationships”, topics range from custody and visitation struggles to a wife who’s hurt that her husband watches porn.  Join Joan and her diverse group of followers as she explores the answers to many of life’s unique questions.

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