Empowering Talk Radio

Archive for the Dating Relationships Category

Sex After Divorce?

Sex After Divorce?

I’m a middle-aged guy who just got a divorce. I just started dating this girl and really want to have sex with her. I’m out of touch with dating, how will I know when it’s time to make my move? Of course you want to have sex with her. Sooner versus later I’m sure. What I wonder is if you see this woman as a potential relationship or just a quick tryst? Answer that question and you’re on your way to deciding when the time is right to “make your move”. If a hook-up is mostly what you’re after, here’s what my social research, if you call reality TV social research, will tell you. While I’m the first to admit that I watch too much reality TV, what I’ve garnered from this socially relevant resource is that by today’s standards you aren’t supposed to even Kiss on a first date. The next thing I’ve learned from reality TV is that even though it’s not OK to Kiss on the first date, it is OK to have sex on the second! I can’t say how many times I’ve heard a reality TV girl act like she has high moral standards as she says, “I don’t kiss on the first date”. Keep watching, and the same girl will then have sex with the guy on the second date! Go figure! Let’s review: First Date = No Kissing Allowed; Second Date = OK to have SEX! Not your grandmother’s code of morality! What I want you to consider from that factoid is that if a girl will sleep with you on the second (or first) date, she will also sleep with the next 30 or 40 guys on the first date as well. Again, ask yourself…are you interested in this woman for a

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Ignored by Girlfriend’s Texting?

 Ignored by Girlfriend’s Texting?

I’m irritated when I go out for dinner with my girlfriend and she’s texting on the phone. Is she being rude or just ignoring me? Sounds like both to me, but she could also have an addiction to texting. Yes, there is such a thing, and it is characterized by the person who has a panic attack when they misplace their phone…for 3 minutes; or they can text with the speed of light holding their phone in one hand and texting with their thumb (I wish I could do that ‘cause it looks so cool!); or they wear the scars on their forehead of always running in to things; or they know it’s not polite to text while at dinner so try to hide it under the table. We know who you are, texting addicts, and the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. What complicates the social mores with texting is that it is completely acceptable for young people to text when they’re hanging out together. They will even text each other messages when they’re sitting right next to each other. It’s their way of communicating and is perfectly acceptable. You need to set your personal limits with your girlfriend. If you feel that she is being rude or ignoring you by texting when you’re out to dinner, talk to her about your feelings and ask that she refrain from texting. Set specific limits to when you find it acceptable for her to be on her phone. If she refuses to respect your personal boundaries with the no texting rule when you’re out to dinner try this…get up and walk out on her leaving her to pay the tab. She’ll either get the message or you may be getting a new girlfriend? Embrace your Personal

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Breakup with Girlfriend Family Love?

Breakup with Girlfriend Family Love?

My family loves my girlfriend. I feel pressured by them to marry her but am thinking of breaking up. We have a lot of history together, like trips with my family, and her being close to my family makes a breakup harder. How can I work this out? This question reminds me of the wisdom of my own parents who thought it best to keep relations with boyfriends and girlfriends casual until the engagement, or, by today’s standards, until the couple is living together. I remember my mother explaining the rationale for this, which was to avoid just the issue you now have. When your parents are more excited about your marrying this girlfriend than you are, it does make it harder for you to break up with her. You are the one who has to live with the wife, not your parents, so if you are “thinking of breaking up” I’m guessing you’ve already passed go and need to plan your exit strategy. The first person who gets the breakup news is, of course, your girlfriend. Yet, since your family seems so emotionally attached to her, I would make them a close second to receive the news. It would also be advisable for you to decide if you want your family to set boundaries with your Ex, or not. After some breakups, some guys are ok with the Ex still having lunch dates with their mom, others want the family to have no contact. If you’re ok with your Ex remaining a friend of the family, it would be a good idea to have them keep their distance for a few months to give your relationship time for a clear breakoff. That way, the Ex won’t be using her relationships with your family members to manipulate her way back

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Tired of Being Single, Dating Losers?

Tired of Being Single, Dating Losers?

When will I find the man of my dreams? I’m tired of being single and I’m tired of dating losers. This question was posted by SuzieQ on my just launched website link for posting an anonymous (Yes! Anonymous!) Life Coaching question for me to answer. Send me your question and watch for my response to post on JoanJerkovich.com and KSAL.com! If you follow my radio show, you’ve heard me do Life Coaching with numerous men and women who are asking this very same question. Looking for relationship is a pressing issue for many single people. To draw from what my callers have shared, many of them are, like you, out there in the trenches trying to find a decent person to share their life with. They’re not as picky as they may be characterized to be, they’re just looking for someone who compliments their personal ideals and values. They’re looking for someone who is self-sustaining (Has a Job!), and is of good character…decent, honest and the like. Of course they want someone they find attractive, but they’re not holding out for runway model or movie star looks. They’re reasonable in what they want, but they’re not finding Mr. or Ms. Right. They’ve tried Internet dating, and networking with singles groups, and have gone out with all the meet-ups arranged by friends to no avail. Yes, I would feel frustrated too…I felt that just writing what I’ve heard from my callers! Patience with finding the man of your dreams can be more easily fostered by making sure that you are living your best life. By that I mean that you are doing the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Try taking the focus off dating and put the focus on you. How many of us make ourselves our first

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Warning–Relationship Rebound?

Warning--Relationship Rebound?

My friends are upset with me that I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and am already moving fast in my new relationship. They are trying to warn me that I’m just on the rebound but I think I have met my soul mate. Should I be worried that this won’t last since we met so soon after my breakup? Ahhhhh, well-meaning friends. Remind them of their negativity when you and your new boyfriend are married ten years with two kids, OR, be prepared to have them tell you “I told you so” when this relationship breaks up in a couple months. What I’m trying to say here is that there are no guarantees where relationships are concerned. I’ve been known to say that all relationships are a “crapshoot”. crap·shoot n. Slang: A risky enterprise. n. Informal: An unpredictable venture; gamble. I don’t mean to sound so cynical, but there are no guarantees in relationships just as there are no sure bets in life. Alas, there is no clear research on the success or failure of rebound relationships, which are defined as those quickly, entered in to after a divorce or long term relationship. But one thing is clear, popular sentiment is that rebound relationships are doomed to fail. Will they? Not necessarily. While there are no hard fast rules on whether to wait or not before getting back in to a relationship, signs that you may want to wait would include: feeling like you can’t be alone; being willing to settle for someone who’s not good for you but good enough for right now; or your rebound relationship is your way of self medicating from your last breakup. Listen to my podcast on rebound relationships to help you sort this out, but go ahead and follow your

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New Years Resolutions; Joans Relationship Advice; Rebound Relationships

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/1.4.14/1.4.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Make Your New Years Resolutions Stick @ 0:00 Knight in Shining Armor @ 5:07 Joan’s Personal Relationship Advice @ 22:43 More Relationship Advice @ 42:42 Relationship Rebound @ 45:00 Emotionally Fragile in Relationship @ 49:26 Conflicted Feelings in Relationship @ 1:07:02 Relationship Wrap-up @ 1:27:22 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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No Christmas Engagement?

No Christmas Engagement?

I expected to get an engagement ring this Christmas, but didn’t. My heart almost stopped when my live-in boyfriend of four years handed me the tiny box as we were opening gifts in front of his family. I found it hard to act excited when instead of an engagement ring, I got diamond earrings. We have been talking a lot about getting married this past year but now that I think more about it, I have always been the one to bring it up and he never says “no” to the idea, but he never says “yes”. Since he never out-and-out said “no” I thought he was thinking of marriage. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Now that I didn’t get the ring, I’m thinking he may never commit. How long do I wait for a marriage proposal? Wow, just reading this my heart stopped too because I could envision you, and probably other family members, thinking there was an engagement ring in the small box. Ouch! That’s a big let down, and I sympathize, but let’s get to your question of how long do you wait for a marriage proposal? First, no one can answer this question for you. However, I do believe there is an answer that will make sense to you, but it will have to come from some serious soul-searching. You will need to sit down with yourself and think through some hard decisions. To do it right, this process won’t be easy and it will take some time. To keep it simple, what I call black and white, ask yourself which is most important to you; to have this relationship (even if he won’t ever marry you), or to be married? Having done Life Coaching with women who’ve called my radio show with this very

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Wait Until After Holidays to Breakup?

Wait Until After Holidays to Breakup?

This year has been the worst, and my husband and I know that our marriage is over. This is a second marriage for both of us but we don’t have kids together. We both have school age children. I have full custody of mine, and his visit regularly. In the years that we’ve been a blended family we have a holiday tradition of getting all the kids together for a special evening to open Christmas presents. I’m beyond ready to get out of the marriage but should I wait until after the holiday for the kids sake? This is a heartbreaker on so many levels, but I’m glad to see that you’re thinking of putting the kids first. Only you can decide whether to stay together through the holidays and one factor to consider is the emotional energy in your household. If you and your husband are resigned to your marriage being over and the split looks to be amicable, staying together a few extra weeks for the kids seems reasonable. If, however, you are at each others throats, yelling and screaming to the point that the children are cowering in fear, then the best gift you might give your kids would be a peaceful holiday with the two of you miles apart. Many people find the holidays to be stressful just for the sake of the extra work of decorating, gift giving, and all the special preparations holiday gatherings for work or family requires. They are more so with people who are dealing with difficult family issues. What I’ve heard from divorced people who were in your situation is that they waited until after the holiday to file and move out. That was the best decision for them. If you and your soon to be Ex can get through

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Judgemental vs. Discerning Attitude; Flirting at 40; Bald from Cancer Dating Pic

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/12.14.13/12.14.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Flirting at 40 @ 0:00 Posted Bald Online Dating Pic @ 19:53 Judemental Attitudes @ 37:37 Discernment versus Judgement @ 43:22 Child-rearing Concerns @ 45:24 Look Behind the Judgement @ 1:02:15 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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Work with Ex?

Work with Ex?

My work situation involves being around my ex-boyfriend and working closely with him. We ended on bad terms, and it’s awkward to be around him. How do I relieve that tension? It is reasonable to expect that you won’t easily relieve the tension you feel working with your Ex, at least not for some time.  I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’m sure that if I tried to tell you that there was a sure-fire way to make these awkward feelings go away you would know that I was just spouting off some BS!  Falling in love is all about opening our hearts to let someone else in.  When you do this, you place yourself in a position of being emotionally vulnerable.  This vulnerability is the basis for the hurt of a breakup and the tension you now feel post-breakup. The fact that you can work at all with your Ex is a testament to your professionalism.  While at work, keep your focus on the task at hand.  Monitor your thoughts and try to keep them on work and off the relationship muck.  Don’t let on that being around him bothers you (even if it does).  “Fake it till you make it” does help reboot your mindset and will help you deal more effectively with him on the job. Healing from a broken heart takes time and it can be more difficult if you have to always see him because you don’t have the benefit of that saying, “out of sight, out of mind”.  Look to heal from this relationship by treating yourself to those things that have helped you heal from past disappointments be that journaling, counseling, a random hookup, or pulling a bitch session with your girlfriends. Since you have to work with him,

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