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Archive for the Dating Relationships Category

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~ Geeky Guy Shy Around Girls?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~ Geeky Guy Shy Around Girls?

I’m a kind of computer geek and getting around people makes me uncomfortable unless they’re already my friends. Most of my friends are virtual friends from online gaming.  How do I make new friends and especially meet girls I can date? First, you need to get out more to new places that you don’t usually go to, and, you need to get involved in groups that interest you where you can meet new people.  Before you throw out a big “Duh” to my response, you might be surprised by the geeks I’ve heard from who lament not having any friends, or anyone to date, yet admit to spending all their time with their computer avatars role playing through life as their alter ego.  I know that you may like those characters to role play right on to your couch, especially one of those sexy cosplay girls, but, that just ain’t gonna happen! You need to role-play into real life.  Step away from your computer, or say goodbye to your online gamer friends, take off your headset and put down your video-game-controller, then go relate to some real people. When you do that, pay attention to how you look.  Don’t wear your dumpster diver T-shirt.  You know, the one with the tiny little holes that you think “no one can even see”…And wash your greasy hair ~ that is unless the group of friends you hope to meet hang at the local trading card shop playing “Magic, The Gathering” ~ then you’ll fit right in! It’s OK if meeting new people, and especially girls, are uncomfortable for you.  Remember when you were a newb at gaming?  You learned the rules of the game then played it until your skill level rose.  The rules are the same for conquering your social awkwardness. 

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Mistrust Boyfriend?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Mistrust Boyfriend?

My boyfriend of 2 years has a long history of dating, and sleeping with, many women.  I know that he cheated on his last girlfriend, but I cheated on my husband, so I have no room to judge.  I don’t trust him, I know he sometimes texts old girlfriends, but I also know he’s been faithful to me.  I’m afraid my distrust will drive him away. …and you may be right…failure to find the “trust” you need in this relationship may drive the two of you apart.  What you both have brought to your relationship is baggage, truckloads of it!  You both have a history of cheating, so it is reasonable for either of you to mistrust.  While I have been known to caution someone who’s thinking of entering into a relationship with a known cheater, as people are more apt to repeat past behavior, we do not live in a perfect world. If you are concerned about your mistrust driving him away (even though you do trust that he has been faithful) I’m guessing that he’s been warning you of this possibility…and if you want to keep your man you MUST pay heed!  That’s not to say that you need to turn a blind eye to his connections with old girlfriends.  I suggest you approach this issue with open, honest conversation that is voiced in a matter-of-fact, taking-care-of-business way.  Pay attention to your tone of voice.  Take the accusing, whining, nagging out of these conversations…leave that for your bitch sessions with girlfriends.  We women are emotional creatures and too much emotion makes our men crazy.  Save the crazy for the bedroom and you’ll have a win/win on your hands! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Could some of your mistrust be coming from within and the fact that

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

I’ve been trying to break up with my boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to accept the fact that I’d like to remain a friend, but am not interested in being in a relationship anymore.  I feel bad about this because he’s kind of a loner, and I’m sort of the only person he’s close to, so I stay in touch.  How can I get him to understand I just want to be friends? Your question holds the answer to why he’s clueless about this.  If you want him to understand that you’re not a couple, you will need to go cold turkey on him.  Stop the phone calls, texts, Facebook messaging and all means of communication.  Your “staying in touch” may appear to him that you haven’t really broken up or there’s a chance of getting back to where you used to be as boyfriend/girlfriend. Some couples can pull off the “just friends” routine after a breakup but most cannot.  Being friends with a girl is especially hard for guys because…you’ve heard me say it many times before…guys are hard-wired to want to have sex.  If there is any hope of turning your relationship in to a friendship, it’s best to have no contact for, let’s say, six months, and then give it a try; but don’t be surprised if he broaches the subject of your being “friends with benefits”. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What do you need to do to remain accountable to the~No Contact~rule for breaking up? If you felt overly responsible for the emotional well being of a boyfriend from a past relationship, how did you get over that feeling and move on? What do you need to do to not feel guilty over leaving him “alone”? Please SHARE this on Facebook and lend

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Turn Friendship into Romance?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Turn Friendship into Romance?

A girl I met at the gym has turned into my workout buddy.  I’d like to ask her out, but I’m not sure she see’s me as anything more than just a friend.  I’ve never dated much so don’t know how to approach her. This is one thing a lot of girls just don’t understand about guys…they think you just want to be their friend, when in reality, you guys just want to get in their pants.  (Don’t groan as you read this because you know I’m right on this one!)  What you need to do is find your male confidence and swagger.  Change the way you interact with her.  Send her “potential date” signals by flirting with her; compliment her, look her in the eye, keep the conversation focused on her, and find ways to casually touch her.  Keep things light and playful.  Observe other guys who seem to easily send out these types of signals to women and copy some of their moves until you find your own signature style. You’re going to have to buck it up and ask her out on a date.  When you do ask, use the word “date”.  Say something like, “Jenny, I’d really like to take you out on a date, how about dinner Saturday night?”  Let’s dissect this way of asking her.  First, when you use her name it will really get her attention. Second, when you use the word “date” you make it clear that you hope to be more than just friends.  Third, while most first dates should be brief, such as meeting for coffee (it gives you both a quick escape if needed), this is a girl you’re already friends with so plan something memorable.  Taking that first step is always the hardest because we all fear rejection. 

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Still Single at 42?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Still Single at 42?

I’m a 42-year-old male and had always expected to be married with children by now, but after several long-term relationships I’m still single.  I keep busy so I’m not lonely, just tired of being alone.  Any thoughts? There are 3 thoughts that I’d like to impart:  First, while you would love to be married with children, this may not happen for you.  Acceptance is key here.  Accepting that life hands us challenges that aren’t fair, and piss us off, and make us want to sit on our pity pot and whine all day, is the part of life and living that, simply said, “Sucks”!  Do whatever you need to find acceptance that this is your (current) lot in life.  Release your frustration in the gym or go smash some golf balls; then seek acceptance by going inward…dare I say meditation and yoga? Second, live your life for now.  Make it enriching, exciting and self-fulfilling.  Ponder the benefits of being single, such as, not having to answer to anyone else, not getting in trouble (like your married friends) for eyeing an attractive woman or spending money on yourself.  I guarantee that there are elements of your life your married friends envy! Finally, don’t give up on love.  Analyze your leisure activities to see how available you are making yourself to meeting women.  Let your family and friends know that you are still looking for love as they may think you are content with the single life.  If you haven’t been winning at love, change your game. Make meeting women and dating a priority project and approach it as you would a business venture.  You know the drill…just do it! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Where can you go inwardly and outwardly to find acceptance? What is on your bucket

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Crush on Gay Friend?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Crush on Gay Friend?

My gay guy friend would be my perfect guy to marry except that…he’s gay!  He’s good-looking (we would make beautiful babies together), smart, fun and has a good job.  When we go out for dinner I dress up and pretend we’re on a date.  I know there’s no hope for a relationship with him because he’s not, even a little bit, bi-curious. I can’t help but have a crush on him…should I tell him?  Life just isn’t fair is it?  It seems that we can expand that saying of, “all the good ones are married” to “all the good ones are gay!”  Both are, of course, exaggerations! You ask if you should tell him about your crush, yet, don’t you think he already knows this? He may be gay but he’s still a guy and I’m sure you aren’t the first girl to crush on him or at least flirt with him.  Right?  The problem with being a Fag Hag is that you’re into guys…but so is he!  Soooo, of course you’re going to react to his cuteness and coolness and think he’s perfect~but it will never work to come on to him in a sexual or romantic way~and it may destroy the good friendship you do have.  Enjoy your one-of-a-kind special friendship.  Many women would love to have a gay bestie…myself included! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What would be gained in your relationship if you tell him about your crush? How do you nurture the unrealistic fantasy that you are “THE Woman” who can change your friend’s sexual preferences? How does that fantasy serve you; or not serve you? Does crushing on your gay friend keep you from finding real love?   Copied from urbandictionary.com: You Are A True Fag Hag If…  -You are a straight girl

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Using a Guy you’re Dating?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Using a Guy you’re Dating?

Is it wrong for me to keep going out with a guy that I know I will never be serious with?  He’s good looking and OK to go out with because I enjoy the attention and nice dinners out, but I know he’d like our relationship to be more.  Tee Hee…haven’t women been doing this forever?  Haven’t we all gone on dates with guys we really weren’t that into (isn’t there a book by that name?) just to have a nice dinner out or see the latest movie at their expense?  Listen, the way I see it, he gets to enjoy your lovely company for the evening!  Besides, I can make you a list a mile long of women I know who dated a guy FOREVER (I’m talking 5-10 years) hoping that he would marry her.  Then, when she finally breaks up with him, in a matter or days, he’s bedding someone else and sometimes even getting married to the new chick?!?  I say to have your fun for a while, but don’t crush the poor guy by leading him on for too long. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ How will you know when it’s time to level with the guy and tell him, “I’m just not that into you”? Or…If you like going out with him are you really more into him than you want to admit? What are your personal standards for treating another person with decency and respect while also respecting yourself in relationship? Please SHARE this on Facebook and lend your COMMENTS ~ we learn from each other! Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach. Contact her with your questions, or arrange a time to talk with Joan in person on her radio talk show! Follow Joan’s Life Coaching questions Daily and share

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Intimate with Co-worker?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Intimate with Co-worker?

I recently left a job where a coworker and I were intimate. I saw her out last night with another guy. I still have feelings for her but don’t know if I should pursue her. How can I let her know how I feel? Have you tried the communication style of just straight out telling her how you feel?  No games, no strings attached, no beating around the bush; but just telling her openly and honestly that you have feelings for her?  The tricky part here would seem to be that you saw her out with this other guy.  Did it look like they were on a date, or just friends?  Either way, you will have to decide for yourself if your feelings for her are strong enough to weather a possible rejection, or move forward with a relationship.  Either prospect can be scary. If she does decide to go out with you again you may want to define your relationship.  Is this just a “friends with benefits” pairing or do you both agree to move forward in an exclusive relationship?  Having “The Talk” sooner versus later seems to be in order. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Are your feelings for this person strong enough to warrant taking the steps to define your relationship? How will you make a plan for telling her how you feel? What will your response be if she rejects you? How will you move your relationship forward if she wants to date? How can you improve the communication you have in relationships? Please SHARE this on Facebook and lend your COMMENTS ~ we learn from each other! Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach. Contact her with your questions, or arrange a time to talk with Joan in person on her radio

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Marry Girlfriend Who Drinks too Much?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Marry Girlfriend Who Drinks too Much?

I’ve been dating a girl for 2 years and really think she could be the one except for one thing.  When we go out she always drinks too much to where I end up taking care of her the rest of the night.  When I try to talk to her about her drinking she passes it off like she’s just a party girl having fun. Even her friends don’t get as drunk as she does when we’re out together.  Should I be concerned? Yes. Repeated instances of drinking to the point of drunkenness or passing out are not social drinking.  It is a sure sign of someone who has a problem with alcohol…but you already know this, which is why you are asking this question. You have a difficult decision to make, because if you choose to make her your wife, her drinking will impact all aspects of your life. Assuming she is a problem drinker, odds are that this problem will only get worse over time. What can you expect in a marriage to an alcoholic or binge drinker?  Lies, lies and more lies about the drinking; living in fear that they will get hurt or hurt someone else by drunk driving; a roller coaster of emotions where they can be angry drunk or angry hung-over leading to a higher incidence of abusive behavior; irresponsible behavior with work, finances and children and often an escalation to other drugs. An addicts desire and need for their drug of choice will be all consuming.  Yes, there is the hope of recovery, but be prepared for multiple episodes of relapse.  Sorry, I know this sounds bleak, but that said, I know some really good people who suffer with addictions.  This illness is one of humanities great tragedies. Embrace your Personal Power with

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Daughter take Abusive Boyfriend Back?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach~Daughter take Abusive Boyfriend Back?

I never liked my daughter’s boyfriend.  I worried he was the abusive type.  My fears came true when he physically shoved her around knocking her in to the walls.  He left her with bruises, and she filed a police report and protection order, but now she’s talking about getting back with him.  What do I do? Sadly, the reality is that most victims take their abusers back multiple times before they break off with them for good.  This has to be one of the hardest things for a parent to stand by and watch.  I’m sure you feel helpless, and essentially you are.  Your daughter will have to find her own way through this maze of emotional turmoil.  That’s not to say that you can’t be there to support her in any way you can.  Go on a fact-finding mission to learn what you can do to help her.  Your local domestic violence organization is a great place to start. One piece of advice I have is to see if she will sign a No-Contact contract.  This is a written document that is a contract or pledge she makes with herself to have Zero contact with him.  Just have her write out what she needs to do to avoid him completely… NO texts, Facebook, phone calls, driving by his place, and absolutely NO make-up sex (!)…Zero contact.  (NO SEX because the hormones that are released with sex will chemically and biologically keep her feeling attached to him!)  The longer she can maintain Zero contact with him, the easier it will be to extract him from her life and her heart. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What plan do you have for learning more about protecting your daughter from domestic abuse? Knowing your daughter, how and when will she

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