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Archive for the Dating Relationships Category

Warning–Relationship Rebound?

Warning--Relationship Rebound?

My friends are upset with me that I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and am already moving fast in my new relationship. They are trying to warn me that I’m just on the rebound but I think I have met my soul mate. Should I be worried that this won’t last since we met so soon after my breakup? Ahhhhh, well-meaning friends. Remind them of their negativity when you and your new boyfriend are married ten years with two kids, OR, be prepared to have them tell you “I told you so” when this relationship breaks up in a couple months. What I’m trying to say here is that there are no guarantees where relationships are concerned. I’ve been known to say that all relationships are a “crapshoot”. crap·shoot n. Slang: A risky enterprise. n. Informal: An unpredictable venture; gamble. I don’t mean to sound so cynical, but there are no guarantees in relationships just as there are no sure bets in life. Alas, there is no clear research on the success or failure of rebound relationships, which are defined as those quickly, entered in to after a divorce or long term relationship. But one thing is clear, popular sentiment is that rebound relationships are doomed to fail. Will they? Not necessarily. While there are no hard fast rules on whether to wait or not before getting back in to a relationship, signs that you may want to wait would include: feeling like you can’t be alone; being willing to settle for someone who’s not good for you but good enough for right now; or your rebound relationship is your way of self medicating from your last breakup. Listen to my podcast on rebound relationships to help you sort this out, but go ahead and follow your

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New Years Resolutions; Joans Relationship Advice; Rebound Relationships

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/1.4.14/1.4.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Make Your New Years Resolutions Stick @ 0:00 Knight in Shining Armor @ 5:07 Joan’s Personal Relationship Advice @ 22:43 More Relationship Advice @ 42:42 Relationship Rebound @ 45:00 Emotionally Fragile in Relationship @ 49:26 Conflicted Feelings in Relationship @ 1:07:02 Relationship Wrap-up @ 1:27:22 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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No Christmas Engagement?

No Christmas Engagement?

I expected to get an engagement ring this Christmas, but didn’t. My heart almost stopped when my live-in boyfriend of four years handed me the tiny box as we were opening gifts in front of his family. I found it hard to act excited when instead of an engagement ring, I got diamond earrings. We have been talking a lot about getting married this past year but now that I think more about it, I have always been the one to bring it up and he never says “no” to the idea, but he never says “yes”. Since he never out-and-out said “no” I thought he was thinking of marriage. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Now that I didn’t get the ring, I’m thinking he may never commit. How long do I wait for a marriage proposal? Wow, just reading this my heart stopped too because I could envision you, and probably other family members, thinking there was an engagement ring in the small box. Ouch! That’s a big let down, and I sympathize, but let’s get to your question of how long do you wait for a marriage proposal? First, no one can answer this question for you. However, I do believe there is an answer that will make sense to you, but it will have to come from some serious soul-searching. You will need to sit down with yourself and think through some hard decisions. To do it right, this process won’t be easy and it will take some time. To keep it simple, what I call black and white, ask yourself which is most important to you; to have this relationship (even if he won’t ever marry you), or to be married? Having done Life Coaching with women who’ve called my radio show with this very

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Wait Until After Holidays to Breakup?

Wait Until After Holidays to Breakup?

This year has been the worst, and my husband and I know that our marriage is over. This is a second marriage for both of us but we don’t have kids together. We both have school age children. I have full custody of mine, and his visit regularly. In the years that we’ve been a blended family we have a holiday tradition of getting all the kids together for a special evening to open Christmas presents. I’m beyond ready to get out of the marriage but should I wait until after the holiday for the kids sake? This is a heartbreaker on so many levels, but I’m glad to see that you’re thinking of putting the kids first. Only you can decide whether to stay together through the holidays and one factor to consider is the emotional energy in your household. If you and your husband are resigned to your marriage being over and the split looks to be amicable, staying together a few extra weeks for the kids seems reasonable. If, however, you are at each others throats, yelling and screaming to the point that the children are cowering in fear, then the best gift you might give your kids would be a peaceful holiday with the two of you miles apart. Many people find the holidays to be stressful just for the sake of the extra work of decorating, gift giving, and all the special preparations holiday gatherings for work or family requires. They are more so with people who are dealing with difficult family issues. What I’ve heard from divorced people who were in your situation is that they waited until after the holiday to file and move out. That was the best decision for them. If you and your soon to be Ex can get through

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Judgemental vs. Discerning Attitude; Flirting at 40; Bald from Cancer Dating Pic

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/12.14.13/12.14.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Flirting at 40 @ 0:00 Posted Bald Online Dating Pic @ 19:53 Judemental Attitudes @ 37:37 Discernment versus Judgement @ 43:22 Child-rearing Concerns @ 45:24 Look Behind the Judgement @ 1:02:15 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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Work with Ex?

Work with Ex?

My work situation involves being around my ex-boyfriend and working closely with him. We ended on bad terms, and it’s awkward to be around him. How do I relieve that tension? It is reasonable to expect that you won’t easily relieve the tension you feel working with your Ex, at least not for some time.  I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’m sure that if I tried to tell you that there was a sure-fire way to make these awkward feelings go away you would know that I was just spouting off some BS!  Falling in love is all about opening our hearts to let someone else in.  When you do this, you place yourself in a position of being emotionally vulnerable.  This vulnerability is the basis for the hurt of a breakup and the tension you now feel post-breakup. The fact that you can work at all with your Ex is a testament to your professionalism.  While at work, keep your focus on the task at hand.  Monitor your thoughts and try to keep them on work and off the relationship muck.  Don’t let on that being around him bothers you (even if it does).  “Fake it till you make it” does help reboot your mindset and will help you deal more effectively with him on the job. Healing from a broken heart takes time and it can be more difficult if you have to always see him because you don’t have the benefit of that saying, “out of sight, out of mind”.  Look to heal from this relationship by treating yourself to those things that have helped you heal from past disappointments be that journaling, counseling, a random hookup, or pulling a bitch session with your girlfriends. Since you have to work with him,

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100% sure of Breakup?

100% sure of Breakup?

I broke up with my boyfriend for 2 weeks but we got back together again. I thought we would give it another try because we’ve been together so long and all our friends are mutual, but I was happier when we were broken up. I’m 75% sure I should end my two-year relationship. Will I ever be 100% sure? Will you ever be 100% sure?  In one word, “No”.  We are never 100% sure of any decision we make, yet your realization that you were “happier” when broken up is very telling.  We often know the answer to what we want and need, but we let our head games throw us in to indecisiveness.  In your case, undoubtedly the time you’ve already invested in this relationship and the fact that you have so many mutual friends weighed heavily on your decision to give this relationship another try.  One of the hardest parts of breaking up is having to change patterns, activities and habits that you’ve grown accustomed to.  It’s like having to create a new life with new friends and possibly a new boyfriend and new people to hang out with.  It’s hard, but worth it in the long run to not settle for being with someone you’re not happy with. With any decision that is difficult for you to make, take the time to process that decision using methods that have worked well for you in the past.  For some of us, it can be making out a list of pros and cons.  For others, we need to discuss the decision with a friend to “bounce” it off of.  Spend some time with the decision.  Let it sit in your mind for a while before taking the next steps toward implementing your new plan of action.  That way, even

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Dating Mr. Peter Pan

Dating Mr. Peter Pan

Mr. Peter Pan Never-Never wants to grow up and wants to live with you in his version of Never-Never Land where you are his Wendy (a.k.a momma) taking care of all the adult things he doesn’t have time for. What does he have time for? Hangin with his lost boys. While Mr. Peter Pan’s life is full of adventure and fun he can’t be counted on to take the adult lead in his life, much less be an adult partner to you, so don’t frustrate yourself and expect it. He’s Mr. Self-Involvement who has plenty of time for playing his way through life. He’s like the man my Life Coaching caller talked about who, in her words, “needs constant petting”. He’s Mr. High Maintenance who wants you to take care of him, organize his life, fix his problems, and in general “be his momma”. Dating him is like dating a 12 year old; you always have to be pointing him in the right direction. Do you want to mamma your man? If your man is a Peter Pan you’ll have the sense of feeling more like his parent and less like his partner. You’ll feel frustrated that he never seems to want to advance in his career and instead is complacent with a low level job; his priority isn’t work, it’s play. You’ll find yourself watching from the sidelines while he spends more time, energy, and money on his newer, bigger, better set of toys, than he does on you. He can’t even be counted on to pay his bills because his budget for toys takes precedence; besides, momma will dig into her pocket and pay for those silly adult things. You’ll watch your Peter Pan hang with his lost boys and wonder why he prefers to spend time with

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Crush on Married Man?

Crush on Married Man?

I’m really attracted to my babysitter’s husband to where I think about cheating on my husband with him.  I find reasons to pick the kids up late hoping that he’s home from work and I can see him and talk with him.  He’s like my fantasy guy.  He’s given me no clue that he’s interested in me so why do I keep crushing on him?  Is it because my marriage isn’t great? What would life be without our fantasy men and women?  What woman hasn’t had a crush on some hot celebrity?  What man hasn’t had fantasies about Selena Gomez or Rihanna (Maxim’s Hot 100 #2&3)?  Read from my blog archives about my personal fantasy crush back in the “Magic Mike” days.  My newest muses are Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth….oh, I digress to such pleasurable thoughts…but on with your question… Seriously, having a celebrity crush that we all know is unattainable does not carry the danger of crushing on a married man you see on a regular basis.  While there is no harm in finding someone attractive, when it gets to the point of obsessing about them, or changing your daily routine for a “chance” encounter, then you’re right to start questioning what is going on in your life.  Yes, my guess is that you have allowed this crush to commandeer your thoughts because you are not getting your needs met in your marriage.  Duh-you didn’t need to hear that from a Board Certified Life Coach, that’s common sense.  A good solid relationship allows for those celebrity crushes and infatuations, and poses no harm.  A relationship where your emotional and physical needs are not getting met is at risk for an affair. Don’t get too wrapped up in why you’re crushing on this guy, just acknowledge that you are

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Dating Mr. Peter Pan, Hot Mess; Grieving Family Death

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.9.13/11.9.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Dating Mr. Peter Pan @ 0:00 Tell me Your Dirty Secrets @ 4:51 No Games Dating @ 24:00 Dating Mr. Hot Mess @ 42:03 Grieving Family Death @ 45:01 Grieve your Own Way @ 59:57 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank

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