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Archive for the Dating Relationships Category

Work with Ex?

Work with Ex?

My work situation involves being around my ex-boyfriend and working closely with him. We ended on bad terms, and it’s awkward to be around him. How do I relieve that tension? It is reasonable to expect that you won’t easily relieve the tension you feel working with your Ex, at least not for some time.  I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’m sure that if I tried to tell you that there was a sure-fire way to make these awkward feelings go away you would know that I was just spouting off some BS!  Falling in love is all about opening our hearts to let someone else in.  When you do this, you place yourself in a position of being emotionally vulnerable.  This vulnerability is the basis for the hurt of a breakup and the tension you now feel post-breakup. The fact that you can work at all with your Ex is a testament to your professionalism.  While at work, keep your focus on the task at hand.  Monitor your thoughts and try to keep them on work and off the relationship muck.  Don’t let on that being around him bothers you (even if it does).  “Fake it till you make it” does help reboot your mindset and will help you deal more effectively with him on the job. Healing from a broken heart takes time and it can be more difficult if you have to always see him because you don’t have the benefit of that saying, “out of sight, out of mind”.  Look to heal from this relationship by treating yourself to those things that have helped you heal from past disappointments be that journaling, counseling, a random hookup, or pulling a bitch session with your girlfriends. Since you have to work with him,

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100% sure of Breakup?

100% sure of Breakup?

I broke up with my boyfriend for 2 weeks but we got back together again. I thought we would give it another try because we’ve been together so long and all our friends are mutual, but I was happier when we were broken up. I’m 75% sure I should end my two-year relationship. Will I ever be 100% sure? Will you ever be 100% sure?  In one word, “No”.  We are never 100% sure of any decision we make, yet your realization that you were “happier” when broken up is very telling.  We often know the answer to what we want and need, but we let our head games throw us in to indecisiveness.  In your case, undoubtedly the time you’ve already invested in this relationship and the fact that you have so many mutual friends weighed heavily on your decision to give this relationship another try.  One of the hardest parts of breaking up is having to change patterns, activities and habits that you’ve grown accustomed to.  It’s like having to create a new life with new friends and possibly a new boyfriend and new people to hang out with.  It’s hard, but worth it in the long run to not settle for being with someone you’re not happy with. With any decision that is difficult for you to make, take the time to process that decision using methods that have worked well for you in the past.  For some of us, it can be making out a list of pros and cons.  For others, we need to discuss the decision with a friend to “bounce” it off of.  Spend some time with the decision.  Let it sit in your mind for a while before taking the next steps toward implementing your new plan of action.  That way, even

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Dating Mr. Peter Pan

Dating Mr. Peter Pan

Mr. Peter Pan Never-Never wants to grow up and wants to live with you in his version of Never-Never Land where you are his Wendy (a.k.a momma) taking care of all the adult things he doesn’t have time for. What does he have time for? Hangin with his lost boys. While Mr. Peter Pan’s life is full of adventure and fun he can’t be counted on to take the adult lead in his life, much less be an adult partner to you, so don’t frustrate yourself and expect it. He’s Mr. Self-Involvement who has plenty of time for playing his way through life. He’s like the man my Life Coaching caller talked about who, in her words, “needs constant petting”. He’s Mr. High Maintenance who wants you to take care of him, organize his life, fix his problems, and in general “be his momma”. Dating him is like dating a 12 year old; you always have to be pointing him in the right direction. Do you want to mamma your man? If your man is a Peter Pan you’ll have the sense of feeling more like his parent and less like his partner. You’ll feel frustrated that he never seems to want to advance in his career and instead is complacent with a low level job; his priority isn’t work, it’s play. You’ll find yourself watching from the sidelines while he spends more time, energy, and money on his newer, bigger, better set of toys, than he does on you. He can’t even be counted on to pay his bills because his budget for toys takes precedence; besides, momma will dig into her pocket and pay for those silly adult things. You’ll watch your Peter Pan hang with his lost boys and wonder why he prefers to spend time with

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Crush on Married Man?

Crush on Married Man?

I’m really attracted to my babysitter’s husband to where I think about cheating on my husband with him.  I find reasons to pick the kids up late hoping that he’s home from work and I can see him and talk with him.  He’s like my fantasy guy.  He’s given me no clue that he’s interested in me so why do I keep crushing on him?  Is it because my marriage isn’t great? What would life be without our fantasy men and women?  What woman hasn’t had a crush on some hot celebrity?  What man hasn’t had fantasies about Selena Gomez or Rihanna (Maxim’s Hot 100 #2&3)?  Read from my blog archives about my personal fantasy crush back in the “Magic Mike” days.  My newest muses are Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth….oh, I digress to such pleasurable thoughts…but on with your question… Seriously, having a celebrity crush that we all know is unattainable does not carry the danger of crushing on a married man you see on a regular basis.  While there is no harm in finding someone attractive, when it gets to the point of obsessing about them, or changing your daily routine for a “chance” encounter, then you’re right to start questioning what is going on in your life.  Yes, my guess is that you have allowed this crush to commandeer your thoughts because you are not getting your needs met in your marriage.  Duh-you didn’t need to hear that from a Board Certified Life Coach, that’s common sense.  A good solid relationship allows for those celebrity crushes and infatuations, and poses no harm.  A relationship where your emotional and physical needs are not getting met is at risk for an affair. Don’t get too wrapped up in why you’re crushing on this guy, just acknowledge that you are

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Dating Mr. Peter Pan, Hot Mess; Grieving Family Death

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.9.13/11.9.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Dating Mr. Peter Pan @ 0:00 Tell me Your Dirty Secrets @ 4:51 No Games Dating @ 24:00 Dating Mr. Hot Mess @ 42:03 Grieving Family Death @ 45:01 Grieve your Own Way @ 59:57 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank

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Taking the “Sex” out of “Ex”

Taking the “Sex” out of “Ex”

Why do people have affairs with their Ex?  Wasn’t there a good reason you broke up in the first place?  My Life Coaching caller “went there” and has lived to regret it.  Her penance?  Her current boyfriend, the one she cheated on, is connecting on Facebook looking for his own revenge hook up. It is said that the number one enticement people have for hooking up with the Ex is remembering their shared history.  I guess this means they remember the good stuff and not the crap that killed the relationship; and it sort of makes sense that you would be attracted to your Ex because they are familiar and caught your eye in the first place.  This is a sort of fantasy-land playing out in real life. There can be the fantasy thought that maybe your Ex has changed, and that all the nasty has magically been erased, and you can start back up with a clean slate.  Or, maybe you have never gotten over the fact that your Ex was your first real love ~ never mind that they destroyed that love with their drinking or abuse or cheating or general narcissism. Here’s a factoid for you:  60% of all hookups with an Ex are where one or both of the parties are married to someone else!  Cheaters-R-Us! Forbidden love and forbidden sex are a real turn on.  The rush of emotions fueled by the feel good chemicals that dump a rush of hormones, endorphins and oxytocin in to your system when you have an affair with your Ex, set you up with a killer cocktail that feels Ooooh-Soooo-Gooood!  But, it’s like that ice cream sundae, with extra whip cream on top, that you know is not on your diet…it sure tasted good going down but now you’re

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Affair with Ex-Why and How to End; Success and Perseverance After Foster Child

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.2.13/11.2.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Why People Have Affairs with Ex @ 0:00 Relationship Limbo After Affair with Ex @ 6:52 Online Flirtations After Partners Affair @ 21:55 End Affair with Ex @ 41:20 Success After Foster Child @ 45:17 Inspiration to Persevere @ 1:00:51 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor

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Secrets of Men who won’t get married

Secrets of Men who won’t get married

While the numbers of women who want to get married are going up, men are less likely to want to walk down the aisle. In the past 15 years the numbers of men who do not, or will not, get married has jumped six percent. More and more Men are opting out of marriage and women are asking why. Ladies, here are the dirty little secrets of unmarried men~ Sex: Men today don’t need to marry you to get sex! You know this is true, and I’m all for the equality of women, but the changing societal standards for premarital sex has backfired for women who want to move their relationships toward marriage. Cohabitation: Another change in relationships over the years is the number of couples who opt to cohabitate versus get married. Couples who live together are not as frowned upon as they used to be so ladies, if you want to improve your chances of marriage, don’t move in with the guy. Serial Monogamy: It’s easier for men today to have a girlfriend for a while, enjoy all the privileges of marriage without the civil contract, break up then find another new girlfriend than it is to go through a divorce. Divorce: Multiple sources cite that the number one reason men don’t want to get married is that either they themselves have been through a bad divorce or they have witnessed the grief, bad outcomes and money divorces have cost their buddies. Bromance: Guy love to hang with the guys and they feel like a wife will keep them from this vital part of their social life. Man-Cave: When men live alone their space is their own. They can hang their moose heads in the living room if they want. All too often when they get married they

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Why do good women love bad men?

Why do good women love bad men?

This question was handed to me by a woman in the local coffee shop…There can be many reasons women fall for, and stay with, their bad boys.  Here’s what I’ve gleaned from life and my Life Coaching callers but, ladies, jump in and give us your reasons! Good women love bad men because they… Don’t think they deserve any better Don’t love themselves Have low self esteem Believe more in loving their man than loving themselves Think they can change their man Think their man will change Fear being alone Love too deeply Are very loyal Only see the good Are willing to overlook the bad Are willing to overlook the really bad See their bad boy through rose-colored glasses Are convinced they can’t do any better Have bought in to the message, probably from their bad boy, that they’re not good enough Will stay for the social stature Will stay for the money Enjoy the danger and drama Like chaos in their lives Like to think they can fix their bad boy Grew up with chaos so this is comfortable to them Whew!  That was my “off the top of my head” long list.  Ladies, feel free to add your reasons why good women love bad men!

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Unmarried Men, Getting Back to Dating, Give too Much

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/10.19.13/10.19.13Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Unmarried Men @ 0:00 42yo Male Career vs. Relationship @ 7:11 42yo Male Looking for Love @ 23:12 Get Back to Dating @ 41:59 Inspiring Woman Accomplished This? @ 45:11 Give too Much of Yourself @ 1:00:51 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Girls Scouts Dignity Care Home Protandim LifeVantage Bennington State Bank George Jerkovich Photography Circles of the Heartland Stiefel Theatre Smokey Hill Museum

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