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Archive for the Dating Relationships Category

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Daughter take Abusive Boyfriend Back?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach~Daughter take Abusive Boyfriend Back?

I never liked my daughter’s boyfriend.  I worried he was the abusive type.  My fears came true when he physically shoved her around knocking her in to the walls.  He left her with bruises, and she filed a police report and protection order, but now she’s talking about getting back with him.  What do I do? Sadly, the reality is that most victims take their abusers back multiple times before they break off with them for good.  This has to be one of the hardest things for a parent to stand by and watch.  I’m sure you feel helpless, and essentially you are.  Your daughter will have to find her own way through this maze of emotional turmoil.  That’s not to say that you can’t be there to support her in any way you can.  Go on a fact-finding mission to learn what you can do to help her.  Your local domestic violence organization is a great place to start. One piece of advice I have is to see if she will sign a No-Contact contract.  This is a written document that is a contract or pledge she makes with herself to have Zero contact with him.  Just have her write out what she needs to do to avoid him completely… NO texts, Facebook, phone calls, driving by his place, and absolutely NO make-up sex (!)…Zero contact.  (NO SEX because the hormones that are released with sex will chemically and biologically keep her feeling attached to him!)  The longer she can maintain Zero contact with him, the easier it will be to extract him from her life and her heart. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What plan do you have for learning more about protecting your daughter from domestic abuse? Knowing your daughter, how and when will she

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Girlfriend not doing dishes “right”?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach~Girlfriend not doing dishes "right"?

My girlfriend and I take turns doing the dishes. She doesn’t stack the dishes in the washer correctly and they don’t get clean. How can I tell her without losing my dish partner? This sounds like a classic case of “my way is the right way” and “your way is the wrong way” in a relationship.  I’m right and you’re wrong.  This makes me chuckle because after I married my husband I had to get over feeling like he was stacking the dishes in the dishwasher the wrong direction.  Truth is, he wasn’t, he’s just left-handed!  So, while his way seemed backward to me, it was the “right” way for him! Ok, if the dishes really aren’t getting clean, and you aren’t being either OCD, or a controlling jerk about this, you can nicely point out to her how she could do this differently.  That said, what I really want to tell you to do is to just let this one flush on down the drain.  Let it go dude!  Who says your way is the right way?  Are you the dish cop?  What will you learn from just letting this one go?  Try these on for size: acceptance of others and of a different way of doing things; less tension in your relationship; not getting labeled a controlling jerk? So…just plan on rewashing a few dishes, or picking a few dried on crumbs off the plates…I bet you’ll reap the rewards in your relationship outside the kitchen once the dishes are done! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ How could you grow as a person by letting this go? If you try and tell or teach your girlfriend how to do this differently and she doesn’t catch on, what will you do then? At what point will you

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Friend’s Husband Cheating

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach~Friend's Husband Cheating

My best friend’s husband is cheating on her.  I’ve never liked the guy and suspected he could do something like this, but now I have proof.  He’s such scum, I’m so disgusted with him.  I know she’ll be crushed when she finds out, but should I tell her?  I know she doesn’t know.  This is a challenging question and I’m going to invite commenters to jump in with their opinions…here goes my best attempt… Short and sweet, the answer to should you tell her is “No”.  Believe it or not, some women don’t want to know that their husbands are cheating.  Maybe they sense that something is wrong, but aren’t ready to hear the truth.  Maybe they don’t like sex and have an understanding that their husband will have his dalliances and she will look the other way.  Across the ages, married women have “allowed” their husbands to have mistresses, so long as he continues to support her and the children financially.  Personally, I say kick him to the curb, but to each his own… My opinion to not tell may be skewed, because I had this very situation years ago with one of my best friends.  I’d been hearing from her about her husband and his girl-friend.  My red-flag intuition went up, but she seemed to have no concerns over their “friendship” and seemed to almost be encouraging this relationship (my friend didn’t like to have sex with her husband).  Then, I had the occasion to see her husband and his girl-friend at a party.  My friend wasn’t there with her husband and I witnessed this woman flirting all over him and sitting on his lap!  I promptly told my friend what I saw and to this day I don’t think she wanted to hear it.  I felt she

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Work with Ex?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Work with Ex?

My work situation involves being around my ex-boyfriend and working closely with him. We ended on bad terms, and it’s awkward to be around him. How do I relieve that tension? It is reasonable to expect that you won’t relieve the tension.  I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’m sure that if I tried to give you some sure-fire way to make these awkward feelings go away you would know, in your psyche, that I was just spouting off some BS!  Falling in love is all about opening our hearts to let someone else in.  When you do this, you place yourself in a position of being emotionally vulnerable.  This vulnerability is the basis for the hurt of a breakup and the tension you now feel post-breakup. The fact that you can work at all with your Ex is a testament to your professionalism.  While at work, keep your focus on the task at hand; monitor your thoughts and try to keep them on work and off the relationship muck; don’t let on that being around him bothers you (even if it does).  If those things don’t help you can always show him up on the job, outperform him and go for the promotion so you can be his boss and fire his arse!  Yeah! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What works to calm you in tense situations? How can you incorporate your self-calming methods in to your work situation? Do you feel the need to further process the hurt of this broken relationship? What has helped you heal from past broken relationships? What does “accept the things you cannot change” mean to you? Are there things you can do to help accept that healing a broken heart takes time? Please SHARE this on

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Boyfriend Cheated?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Boyfriend Cheated?

I should have listened to my friends who knew his ex, but I didn’t think he’d also cheat on me.  He stuck with me through Valentines Day, but the day after, told me he’d gotten a girl drunk at a party and hooked up with her.  He wanted to break up, but he was my first serious boyfriend and I begged him back. How can I trust him? Ouch!  Do you really think it’s worth the effort to even try to build trust with this guy?  You mention that you wish you had listened to your girlfriends before, what are they saying now?  Sometimes, if we’re really willing to listen, our friends do have a more objective view on what is best for us.  Any chance we’ll be seeing this guy listed on the “bad boyfriend” Internet sites? Give some serious thought to what you want out of a relationship and don’t sell yourself short.  If you need to, sit down and write out all the reasons you are a really great girl and deserve a really great boyfriend!  Get with your girlfriends and let them tell you why you deserve to be with someone who deserves your trust.  Real girlfriends don’t act like those catty reality show housewives…they’re more Sex and The City gal pals…there for each other, supporting each other!  Women all over support you~you go girl! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What do you need from this relationship to rebuild trust? How are you going to communicate this to your boyfriend? How will you hold him accountable to providing for what you need to build trust? If he breaks your trust what will your next step be? What can you do to take care of your emotions during this trying time in your relationship? Joan

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Internet Dating, Internet Duping

Internet Dating, Internet Duping

Te’oing has flooded the internet.  Named after the duping of Notre Dame linebacker and Heisman Trophy finalist, Manti Te’o, who was tricked in to believing that his online girlfriend was real; men, en masse, are enjoying sharing their pictures of themselves with their “non-existent”, “invisible” girlfriends! There are countless pictures of men with their arms around “nothingness”, but my personal favorites are the guy down on one knee proposing, and the one who does the movie scene from Lady and The Tramp, sharing the string of spaghetti!  Then, there’s the Father of all Te’oers, Clint Eastwood, talking to the empty chair at the 2012 Republican National Convention! One thing can be said for these guys and their pseudo girlfriends…they’re practicing Safe Sex! How can you protect yourself from getting duped in to thinking you have an attractive woman from the internet hot on having a relationship with you?  Follow the advice given by the creators of the indie movie Catfish, the 2010 documentary about New Yorker Nev Schulman who found himself getting Te’oed. Is the online person you’re dating real? Is she a Hot Model?  Is he a GQ guy? Is there a tragic illness or injury involved? Is there a sparse digital trail when you google them? Do they balk at meeting in person, skyping or facetiming? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, your HOTtie, is most probably a NOTtie! Have you ever been Catfished?  Listen to my Podcast, “Internet Dating, Internet Duping” for the meaning of this term.  An interesting story coming from the husband of the woman who posed as a younger, thinner, single woman to capture the attentions of a lonely romantic looking for online love… Also hear my caller talk about the struggles he’s had with online dating; and the mother who

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Will I ever be sure I should end this relationship?

1.  I’m 75% sure I should end my two year relationship. Will I ever be 100% sure? The young lady who asked me that question had already tried breaking up with her boyfriend for 2 weeks, but found herself getting back together again.  She talked about how, even though she felt “happier” broken up, she patched up the relationship for another try, but now she was considering another, more permanent breakup.  My answer to this question in one word was “No”.  We are usually never 100% sure of any decision we make.  With any decision that you make, that is difficult for you, take the time to process that decision using the methods that have worked well for you in the past.  For some of us, it can be making out a list of pros and cons.  For others, we need to discuss the decision with a friend to “bounce” it off of.  Spend some time with the decision.  That way, once it is made you can be more confident that it was the right one for you.  Listen to my video answer on this question. Please join the conversation and join me tomorrow for another Life Coaching question! ~ Joan Jerkovich, BCC  

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