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Archive for the Family Relationships Category

Family Fights over Politics?

Family Fights over Politics?

My husband is far right politically and his brother is far left. I hold my breath every time they get together as their conversations always turn to politics and things get really heated. I know this makes other family members uncomfortable as well so want to know how to stop it or at least tone it down. Sex, money, religion and politics…the hot button conversation topics where only the brave dare venture! While I welcome these conversation landmines on my radio show, even I know to play them down when talking with my friends and family. While this intense political discourse may make you uncomfortable, you surely realize that some people enjoy sparring over politics, even if things get heated. The critical issue here is whether or not your husband and his brother can walk away with mutual respect and an attitude to “agree to disagree”. If, in the final analysis, these heated debates don’t turn in to personal attacks that mar their relationship, then I say, “Let ‘em go at it”! If it does mar their relationship, that’s a problem they will need to solve. Your question seems to point to your personal discomfort, and your perception that other family members also get uncomfortable. Do they? Is that a fact? If so, you can ban together and tell them to go elsewhere to have their debates. If the discomfort is mostly yours, know that you can choose how to deal with this. Join in on the debate, ignore it, walk away, calm yourself with deep breathing, use earplugs, or take a video of them for playback at Christmas so they can see how ridiculous they get over the politics they have very little personal power over! Choose your strategy for coping based on how tolerant you’re feeling that day.

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Divorced Mom Competes with Disney Dad?

Divorced Mom Competes with Disney Dad?

My ex is all about play and fun times when my son goes for weekend visitation. He takes him to fun museums, water parks and zoos. Weekends with him are always like the fun field trip with a stop at the toy store. He doesn’t set any schedules and there is no discipline. My son gets pretty much whatever he wants when they’re together. This makes me so angry because as the only parent who disciplines, I always get to be the bad guy. It also makes me angry because I would like to do some of the same fun things, but I don’t have the money for it. When I have to buy the clothes and items for school and activities, it leaves little for the fun outings that cost money. I feel like I get all the work and my ex gets all the fun. How can I compete with my ex who is the Disney Dad? Thanks dear mother for your question, but since this is something I have no experience with I went to the Internet chat rooms to hear from the moms like you who are in the trenches. Here’s some of what I learned from the single moms out there who have been in a similar situation, but read on for what the older children had to say about growing up with a Disney Dad. Their comments may be the most helpful to you. Here’s what I found on the Internet. The usual scenario is just as you described. The children go visit their Dad and there are no rules and no discipline. Many of the mothers described how hard it was to “retrain” the kids after their time spent at Disney Dad’s house where they could always do whatever they want. The laxity

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Husband’s Mother Pours Guilt on Him?

Husband’s Mother Pours Guilt on Him?

My in-laws have never been very involved in our lives because they refuse to meet us halfway when it comes to visits. We live out of state from them and they always expect us to travel to get together. Since my husband and I are both professionals with busy careers, and it’s not easy for us to take the kids away from school and their activities, it’s hard for us to make time to travel. That, plus when we do take vacation time off from our jobs, we don’t always want to have to spend all our time and money traveling to see family. My husband’s parents have been retired for many years. We would have loved to have them come and stay for extended visits but they never would make the effort. They seem to be able to take long trips out of state to see other family members, but never to come see us. Since they won’t travel to come see us, we only see them in person about twice a year. The problem is that their age is starting to catch up with them and they are having some health problems. It seems that because of this, my mother-in-law has started to guilt my husband in to making extra trips to visit. He’s been giving in to her demands to visit frequently and he’s also been making our young teen children go with him to see the grandparents. They’re not happy to be away from home and their friends and activities and I’m not happy to have them leave me alone to work and take care of the house and pets. I’m getting resentful of these trips and so are the kids. What can we do? This scenario screams of family meeting to me. With older children

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Hoarder or Collector; Permissive Parents; Superstar Video Gamer; Long Distance Relationship

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/6.28.14/6.28.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Understanding Hoarding @ 0:00 Superstar Video Gamer @ 6:23 Helping Hoarder Mom @ 25:14 Top 8 Items Hoarded @ 43:11 Problems of Permissive Parenting @ 44:53 End Long Distance Relationship @ 49:07 Girlfriend Does Not Discipline @ 1:06:36 Are You a Discipline Wimp? @ 1:28:20 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!  

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Dr. Frankenfood; The Weight Loss Mindset; Our Anti-Mexican History; The Genealogy of an Immigrant Family

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/6.21.14/6.21.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Our Anti-Mexican History @ 0:00 An Immigrant Family Story Part 1 @ 6:00 An Immigrant Family Story Part 2 @ 26:00 Present Day Immigrant Discrimination @ 43:05 The Weight Loss Mindset @ 45:09 Dr. Frankenfood Part 1 @ 50:33 Dr. Frankenfood Part 2 @ 1:09:23 Positive Emotional Effects of Weight Loss @ 1:28:09 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!  

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A Love-Hate Relationship With Food

 A Love-Hate Relationship With Food

Compulsive eating is my greatest enemy, but it is also my greatest friend. Both my parents are alcoholics. Living with a mom who is a screamer and a dad who is passive-aggressive drove me to food for comfort. Mom was a compulsive eater too. After her nightly fights with dad, she would retreat to her bedroom with a bag of chips, a box of crackers and two liters of soda. My parents weren’t there for me because they were too wrapped up in their own problems. At least I could always predict and rely on the comfort of a macaroni and cheese casserole. ~This story comes from “Maura” who shared her story about compulsive eating on the Internet. Compulsive overeating, also referred to as binge eating, is a serious eating disorder that carries with it both physical and emotional complications. “Maura” posted that she suffered with depression, muscle aches, asthma, irritable bowel syndrome and stretch marks. She wrote, “None of that is as bad as the inner pain, the low self-esteem, the shame, the isolation and the embarrassment” that her compulsive overeating have caused her. There are qualified professionals available to help. One effective program is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It can help binge-eaters learn to challenge the distorted beliefs and thoughts they have related to food. Becoming more aware and mindful of their desires, uncomfortable feelings and urges that drive them to overeat begins the process toward change. CBT helps people like “Maura” find a way to “sit with” the uncomfortable feelings that drive them to eat instead of judge them. It helps to replace their unhealthy urges with new, healthier eating behaviors. “Maura” has found hope and is making progress. She is learning to love herself and treat herself better and you can too. Take the first step

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Husbands Affair Leaves Lasting Health Problem?

Husbands Affair Leaves Lasting Health Problem?

My husband had an affair four years ago. Traumatic to say the least yet, we worked through the betrayal. But, I have a lasting affect that I cannot eliminate. And, I’m reminded daily when I look in the mirror. My husband made the mistake of not protecting himself so got Chlamydia. We took bouts of antibiotics. Unfortunately,this triggered an autoimmune response for me. I lost my hair. It grew back, but only 40%. I look like a cancer patient. It destroyed my self-esteem, my beauty, my ability to be employed. When I send out my resume, I get quick responses because I worked for top tier investment banking firms and for recognized CEO’s and CFO. With every job interview, I’m asked at the end, questions concerning health issues such as, “Do you have any disabilities that would prevent you from doing this job?” They note that I have no eyebrows, that I wear a wig and I’m young. I dropped my salary in half and still cannot get a job. After sixteen interviews, I finally gave up. I know that I will never be able to enter this field again. They believe I’m hiding something that would be a liability for them but I’m not. Now, I’m on a new journey. I decided to reinvent myself. I’m taking classes to become a realtor and in four weeks, I will be taking my State exam. I’m so afraid that I will never be hired by buyers and sellers of homes. I only wish that the world understands that I have much to offer, that being productive defines me and my beauty is within. So, how do I truly forgive when I can’t forget an event that I’m reminded of daily when I look in the mirror? The betrayal of an affair leaves scars. It will always leave

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Toxic Family Members, When Enough is Enough

Toxic Family Members, When Enough is Enough

The three brothers have such a deep history of not getting along that Tee, my radio talk show caller, was concerned there could be a fist-fight at their mothers funeral. Digging deeper in to the story of this family tension, it was uncovered that for years the mother had been pitting the brothers against each other. It was an interesting revelation in to the roles of what I want to call, Toxic Family Members. We’ve heard it said before that we don’t get to pick our family. So true. Who wouldn’t like to re-birth in to royalty; what girl doesn’t want to be a princess, what guy a prince? If you’re royalty, even if there is family dysfunction, at least there are the crown jewels to hide behind! When it comes to toxic family members, you know who they are. They’re the ones that everyone puts up with and make excuses for, the ones who create all the drama and discord. You dread seeing them at the family functions and maneuver around the buffet table in an attempt to avoid talking to them. They are the ones who’ve lost jobs, friends and respect by their peers for just plain being selfish, or nasty, or critical, or royal jerks…there’s a little piece of family royalty for you…the royal in your family may be a “royal” jerk? So, when is enough, enough? When is it time to cut ties with those toxic family members? First, let’s review the typical evolution of dissolution. (Evolution of dissolution? How’s that for a little rhyming ditty?…) You’ve spent years in conflict trying to figure out how to fix things. You’ve complained incessantly to your friends. You’ve had other family members try to mediate. You’ve wondered why you’ve been the target of this toxic family member. You’re

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Angry Over Dad’s Affair?

Angry Over Dad’s Affair?

I’m in high school and my Mom and Dad got divorced a year ago because my Dad had an affair. I’m so mad at my Dad for doing this to my Mom. Things have been really hard for her. I know I should want to spend time with my Dad but I don’t. We’ve not been close since this all happened and I feel sad and angry that I’ve lost what I used to have with my Dad through all this. I especially have a hard time visiting Dad when his girlfriend is around. They live together so it’s hard to see him and not her but seeing her always reminds me of what they both did to my Mom. Will things ever get better with my Dad and how do I get over being angry with him? Tough stuff, but life does at times hand us challenges that seem almost insurmountable. It is sad that your Dad chose to cheat on your mother. Even though divorce can be hard, it is more so when you have this betrayal to deal with. Three things come to mind as you work to repair the damage that was done to your relationship with your Dad. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Focusing on your life. Acceptance of what is, can often be the hardest thing we have to do. You can’t change what has happened. Life isn’t fair. People don’t always consider how their actions will hurt others. You can’t go back to the way things were when all was good in your family. You have no choice but to accept that your parent’s relationship ended in this difficult way. In moving toward acceptance find things that help you. Is there a saying you can repeat in your head that helps? Does it help to journal

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Alienated from Child By Ex; Surviving a Miscarried Pregnancy; Finding Inspiration

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/5.31.14/5.31.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Surviving a Miscarriage @ 0:00 Lost Baby and Job @ 7:30 Christian Inspirational Message @ 26:53 Finding Inspiration @ 43:15 Alienated From Child by Ex @ 44:57 Daughter Turned Against Dad Post-Divorce @ 1:00:16 Dad Fighting to Hold On to Relationship With Daughter @ 1:17:15 When Your Child Says They Hate You @ 1:28:34 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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