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Archive for the Family Relationships Category

Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

My brother has lived with my Mom since college and he is now 45 years old. She does almost everything for him as he can barely hold down a job. I am recently divorced and am now a single father who’s living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes I could really use my Mom’s help but I feel like she always puts my older brother’s needs ahead of mine or my kid. Anytime I bring up my loser brother and how I wish she could help my son and I more, she cries and the conversation goes nowhere. How can I approach her without it becoming an emotional landmine? There seems to be more going on here than meets the eye. Does your brother have mental health issues? Why can’t he hold down a job? Why has he failed to let loose from his dependence on his mother? What draws your mother to doing so much for her adult child? Are there issues with her mental health that she is so fragile that just talking to her about this drives her to tears? Does she get teary when your “loser” brother asks her for help, or just you? Those are a lot of questions that, frankly, don’t need to be answered for you to find a way to convince your mother to lend you a helping hand. The reason I say they don’t need to be answered is because I believe this arrangement your brother and mother have is not ever going to change. Let’s talk about how you might work around it. If your mother starts to cry when you bring up your loser brother and how you wish she would help you more, her tears may be tears of guilt or shame or sadness or embarrassment. She has to know

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Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

29 yrs. ago after our 1st child my husband did not have sex with me until 5 months after her birth. Since then only on vacations 3 to 4 times a year. This drove me to a very deep depression & I gained 80 pounds. Now, I have learned to turn off my sex drive and I no longer find him attractive, which is something new. But, it helps me take control of my feelings. No more crying. Now, everyone is telling him he had better fix his marriage, and all of a sudden after 30 yrs. he wants to sit down and talk about things. Can I put a hidden microphone on you and listen in? I’d love to hear what your husband has to say! It would be interesting to hear the tale of 30 years of no sex! What are his reasons? Excuses? How does that happen? Is he depressed, asexual or gay? Is this a result of prescription drug use, or illicit drug abuse? Where’s Sherlock Holmes when we need him? All silliness aside, this is a very distressing thing for you to have lived with (or should I say, lived without) for all these years. Women I’ve talked to whose husbands don’t want to have sex with them talk about how this makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them. It makes them question their femininity and attractiveness. It’s a real head-trip and I’m not surprised at all to hear this drove you to a depression. After all, I’m guessing that you didn’t sign on for this when you signed your marriage certificate. You were expecting, as were the men who have wives who won’t have sex with them, carnal delights more than 3-4 times per year. For your information, a marriage with sex

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Sociopathy in Children: Signs, Causes, Treatment; Growing Party Planner, Real Estate Business

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.8.14/11.8.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: The Biology of Sociopathy @ 0:00 Party Planner Business @ 4:11 Grow Real Estate Business @ 21:08 Signs of Childhood Sociopathy @ 43:43 Adopted a Sociopathic Child @ 45:56 Causes and Treatment for Childhood Sociopathy @ 1:01:42 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!  

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Sociopathic Children

Sociopathic Children

“He killed one of our pets and beat our other animals”, said the mother who adopted a sociopathic child. “At the point that he threatened my life and our daughters life and told us how he was going to kill us, I couldn’t do it anymore”. Mich tells her story on my radio show of how she and her husband adopted a 4-year-old boy who from the start displayed bizarre behaviors, and how eventually his behavior became “very scary and violent”. While we mostly think of sociopaths as being adults, sociopathic behavior in children does occur and is a result of antisocial personality disorders. Let’s start with some definitions. The National Institute of Mental Health provides this definition: Antisocial personality disorder is defined by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV) as “…a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood.” People with antisocial personality disorder may disregard social norms and laws, repeatedly lie, place others at risk for their own benefit, and demonstrate a profound lack of remorse. It is sometimes referred to as sociopathic personality disorder, or sociopathy. According to Mayoclinic.org: Antisocial personality disorder symptoms may begin in childhood and are fully evident for most people during their 20s and 30s. Children at risk exhibit the following risk factors: • Bullying • Conflict with peers, family members and authority figures • Stealing • Cruelty to people and animals • Fire starting and vandalism • Use of weapons • Sexual assault • Repeated lying • Problem behaviors in school and poor academic performance • Gang involvement • Running away from home Although the precise cause of antisocial personality disorder isn’t known, certain factors seem to increase the

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Divorced Dad Sugar Daddy to Woman Barely Old Enough?

Divorced Dad Sugar Daddy to Woman Barely Old Enough?

My recently divorced Dad has decided to become a sugar daddy to a young woman who’s not much older than me. I know he buys her all sorts of expensive jewelry and clothes. They even went on a trip to Mexico together. I’m afraid my Dad is getting feelings for her. I’m also afraid that the woman is just using my Dad for his money. Last week she came to my high school music concert and it was so awkward! She’s so trashy and rude. She’s been trying to be my buddy through Facebook but I have just ignored her. My Dad doesn’t seem to care about my feelings when I tell him. Should I just learn to accept this younger woman? It’s good that you are talking to your Dad about her, but you have to let go of the idea that just because you don’t like his new girlfriend, he’s going to break up with her. When you say that your Dad is newly divorced, it is hopeful that the young woman who’s not much older than you may be someone he’s only going to go out with for a little while. He may break up with her sooner versus later. Why do I say this? Newly divorced people sometimes go through a sort of “wild” phase with regards to dating after a divorce. I know this is creepy for the kids to watch, but you might be seeing your Dad working out more and changing the way he dresses. He may be trying to look and act younger. Right after their divorce, many Dads (and Moms) will date people who aren’t the type of person you’d choose for them. Hopefully, your Dad is going through his post-divorce “wild” phase and will settle down soon. When he does,

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Women Who Leave Men for Another Woman; Men and Emotions, Why They Withdraw, How They Get Hurt

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.1.14/11.1.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Why Men Withdraw Emotionally @ 0:00 The Love That Tore Up His Heart @ 8:22 Tore Up Heart Part 2 @ 28:08 Emotional Pain of Men @ 41:46 Wife Left Him for Another Woman @ 45:01 Women’s Sexual Desires and Behaviors @ 1:03:07 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Stepson with ADD Affecting Marriage?

Stepson with ADD Affecting Marriage?

My stepson has ADD, but his mother doesn’t want him on medication so I have to put up with his bullshit. It’s affecting our marriage. Any advice? By ADD I assume you mean ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  This is a problem of not being able to focus, being overactive, not being able to control behavior, or a combination of these.  If your stepson has been diagnosed by a medical professional with ADHD, these behaviors must fall outside the normal range for his age.  In other words, he’s not just an overly active child. ADHD defined, this issue is tough as there are a lot of parents who don’t believe in medicating their children (for various reasons) and your wife sounds strong in her belief. First, do you feel that you have adequate information from which to make the decision to medicate or not? I tell people that you can always find an “opinion” on the Internet that will “fit” your belief in what you should (or should not) do, but that doesn’t make the information accurate or reliable. That said, you need to first agree on what resources for information on managing ADHD you will use to base your decisions on. That can be anything from the Medical Pediatric Associations, Behavioral Therapists, the local Shaman, Nutritionist or Energy Healer. Believe me, when it comes to health, people have strong opinions on what methods to use and to this I say…do what works for you! After you gather the information, you can begin the process of discussing with your wife a plan for making your home life more peaceful. Research on effective step parenting lays out a plan that looks like this: set up specific and clearly defined house rules; together, present the rules to your children; have consequences for

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Dropping Out of School-Who Drops Out, Consequences, Help for Parents; Illegal Unpaid Internships

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/10.25.14/10.25.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Characteristics, Consequences of Dropping Out of School @ 0:00 Curfew After College @ 7:50 Caller Wants to Dropout @ 23:21 Dropouts, Help For Parents @ 42:11 Motivated 15 year old @ 44:58 Illegal Unpaid Internships @ 59:55 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Drug Addicted Dad?

Drug Addicted Dad?

I love my Dad, but my husband and I have had it with his drug addiction. We were letting him live with us to help him out. He’s been in and out of recovery. We were hoping he could make a go of it this time but he relapsed again, so we kicked him out. Now I can’t bring myself to take his calls or talk to him, I’m so mad at him. I worry about him because I don’t even know where he’s living. He could be on the streets for all I know. How can I be there for him while setting limits for myself and protecting my family? Setting limits is necessary when dealing with an addicted family member, so you needed to kick him out if he was disrupting your own family life. Don’t allow yourself to go down the path of feeling guilty for kicking him out. And, don’t feel guilty for not taking his calls for the time being. I know that sounds harsh and uncaring, but I’m sure your intention to distance from him is only temporary. If you set down rules for his living with you and he violated them, then the consequences for his poor choices are his to endure. Maybe this little piece of tough love from you and your family will help him get focused again on his recovery. I’m sure you realize that relapse is a part of addiction, so expect more relapses on his journey toward recovery. In trying to be there for him, start with deciding on your personal limits. Talk with your husband and make some decisions on what you can and can’t do to help your Dad. Set some hard limits on what you absolutely will not allow, such as, drugs in your home.

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Kids Saddened Over Estrangement From Grandparents?

Kids Saddened Over Estrangement From Grandparents?

When I married my wife she had two kids by two different fathers. She’d been a professional woman who made her own way but never married. She is feisty and will get in your face if you criticize her, and my mother has made it known she doesn’t like her. I’m proud that my wife has held her tongue with my mother. But, my mothers obvious dislike for my wife had me defending my wife to where we now haven’t seen each other for several years. My wife and I now have two of our own children together. I’ve adopted her oldest two. We’ve made a nice life for ourselves that doesn’t include my parents, and doesn’t include my wife’s parents also. Theirs is a similar story. I felt all was good until our two oldest kids started talking to us about how they miss their grandparents. They are in middle school and talked about how all their friends spend Christmas and holidays with their grandparents, but they never see theirs. They seemed sad about this and it has my wife and I rethinking our decision to cut ties with their grandparents, especially her parents, as they are the grandparents who helped my wife raise these two children when she was a single parent. We thought we were protecting our children from the fighting and negativity but are now rethinking that decision. You are wise to be rethinking your no-contact position. When you say that you and your wife have created a “nice life” for your children, I’m assuming you mean one that includes all the “nice” that money can buy such as nice cell phones and nice clothes. But, creating a nice life for children has to include attending to their emotional needs as well. Your children are getting

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