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Archive for the Family Relationships Category

Parents Freak Out over Living Together?

Parents Freak Out over Living Together?

My parents live out in Illinois and I live near NYC. I have been living with my boyfriend for the past 6 months and it has been fine, but now my mom wants to visit for a mother/daughter weekend. My parents are already upset that I did not come back to Illinois after graduating college. I mentioned that I might want to move in with my boyfriend and they freaked out saying that I would turn into a dependent and sad woman. I decided to move in with him but told my parents that he just stays on the weekends and still lives with his parents for the weekdays. I hate confrontation with my parents, but my mother wants to visit in the next couple of months. What should I do? If you have become a dependent and sad woman, just for living with your boyfriend, you are not alone. According to a survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, nearly half (50%) of women aged 14 to 44 years old “cohabited” outside of marriage between 2006 and 2010. Those numbers are likely higher today. Do I think that living together makes you, and half of all women in relationships, “dependent and sad”? Hell No! Read on… At some point in time you will want to stand up for yourself as an adult who makes her own decisions in life, and be the adult who is willing to live with the consequences of those decisions. If now is the time to tell your parents you are living with your boyfriend, or not, is a question only you can answer. One thing you may want to consider is when will there be a better time to take a stand with this decision you have made? Will the confrontation be

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Abusive Boyfriend?

Abusive Boyfriend?

My boyfriend & baby’s daddy doesn’t see the emotional & mental abuse he was/is subject to from his parents, his dad mostly. He is now carrying that over into our child’s life. There was a lot of manipulation & control the 1st 3 years of our relationship, by his parents & him. It only gets physical when he is drinking or taking his prescription alprazolam (Xanax). I’m not sure what to do? Just the fact that you’re questioning how this relationship is working for you is the first step toward opening your eyes to your reality.  When you’re living with an abusive person, just as your boyfriend did growing up with abusive parents, sometimes just to survive you close your eyes to the reality of your situation.  It’s called denial.  You don’t see what’s really going on because it’s too painful, or you don’t want to have to deal with it, or you think it will change.  Also, it makes sense that the parenting your boyfriend saw growing up is how he is now treating your child, especially if he doesn’t see it as abusive. Have you talked to him about getting help?  Have you thought about removing yourself and your child from this abusive situation?  Abuse is a very difficult thing to pull yourself away from, especially when you’ve lived with it for so many years.  I get that, and so do the wonderful people who work with domestic violence victims every day in their communities.  Reach out to them and they will help you and support you.  You’re in a tough situation, and while I’d like to tell you to “get out”, I know how difficult that decision can be. As a mother, even if you find “getting out” hard to do for yourself, do this for your

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Racial Profiling; Public Perceptions of Poverty; Parents Dictate Career Choices

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/3.15.14/3.15.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Parents Dictate Career Choices @ 0:00 Sportscaster Looking For Work @ 5:07 “Who You Know” Gets Jobs @ 24:08 Racial Profiling @ 41:58 Public Perceptions of Poverty @ 44:59 Quit Career Path Mom Chose @ 50:24 Driven To Poverty By Illness @ 1:08:50 Racial Profiling Story @ 1:27:42 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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Self-Care, Manage Stress; Integrity at Work; Parenting With Work

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/3.8.14/3.8.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Self-Care, Manage Stress @ 0:00 Finding Dream Job @ 6:01 Decide Between Two Job Offers @ 25:20 Integrity at Work @ 42:02 New Mom Juggling Work & Business @ 44:52 Tips For Juggling Work With Parenting @ 1:03:31 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)

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Bored with Daily Routine?

Bored with Daily Routine?

There are just days when I feel like I’m that hamster on a treadmill.  My days seem to run in to each other, start the same and stop the same day after day, and I’m starting to wonder if I need a change.  I like my job and my life ok; it just starts to seem boring, like I’m living the same day over and over again.  Is this all I have to look forward to?  I can’t imagine living the next 10 years on the same treadmill. Yes, you certainly do sound bored, but this Life Coach never has sympathy for anyone who is bored.  There is so much of life out there to live, grab hold of, experience or tackle that this boredom you talk about rests solely on your shoulders.  It doesn’t sound like you’re interested in a career change or major life change so try this on for size:  Make some small changes to mix things up. What am I talking about here?  Take a look at how you meander mindlessly through life, and then let’s look at how you can make some changes to your work habits. Take a different route to work.  Wear something different than your usual, how about a hat to shock your co-workers?  Change up your work routines such as answer emails or phone calls at a different time of day.  Rearrange your desk and workspace.  Bring in some new pictures for your desk.  Spend some time getting to know a co-worker you rarely talk to.  You get the idea, and I bet you can come up with many more. At home, try something different than your usual TV or Facebook or mindless eating to relax and zone out.  Search out what’s happening in your community this weekend and resolve to

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Female Fertility Clock Ticking?

Female Fertility Clock Ticking?

I saw your post “Tired of Being Single” and have to say that this is a whole different issue when you’re female and your clock is ticking.  Thoughts? News Flash!  Research is now showing that having children when you’re 35 to 40 years old and up carry concerns for both sexes.  Not only does fertility decrease for both men and women over the age of 35, but the risks of having a baby with a genetic abnormality also increases sharply (webmd.com). Thoughts? This is a distressing issue for women.  It’s very real and causes women who want children, but aren’t meeting Mr. Right, lots of angst.  The ticking clock is also what prompts some women to turn to sperm banks or sperm donors.  If you’re considering doing this you’ll want to read my blog on sperm donors because there are lots of things to consider before going that route.  Assuming your religious beliefs don’t prohibit it, finding a sperm donor is an option for women to explore before their chances of conceiving run to zero. This issue has never seemed fair to women as even though there are risks associated with older men fathering children, we do still see those older men with younger women starting families.  It’s one thing for men to carry higher risk, it’s another thing for women to miss the mark of fertility all together. This whole issue just really sucks for women, as most wouldn’t choose to be childless or a single mother for life but, then again, some don’t have any other option. There will come a time when your clock ticks out and you’ll have to accept that having children wasn’t meant to happen in your life.  This can be devastating for women and emotionally difficult to accept.  You will grieve your loss,

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Forgiveness for Abusive Parents

Forgiveness for Abusive Parents

When is it wise to forgive abusive parents for their past neglect and abuse?  When is it wise to mend these painful relationships from our past?  When is it not?  These are the questions adult children who are the products of an abusive, neglectful childhood have to examine.  These questions are made even more important when you have to decide whether or not your parents, the grandparents to your own children, are safe to leave the children alone with.  Daunting questions and decisions, to be sure. When is forgiveness not an option, or poses a greater challenge? Their past abusive behaviors were severely violent Their abusive behaviors are evident today Their abusive behaviors are not a thing of the past They do not admit how their past behavior was damaging and hurtful to you They tell you their abuse of you, the innocent child, was all your fault…I HATE this excuse!! They do not accept ownership of how they mistreated you They apologize, but it seems insincere Their apologies carry with them big fat excuses for why they treated you like they did They pretend it never happened They tell you you’re just making it all up They tell you you’re exaggerating how bad it was They haven’t worked hard to heal their own inner demons that caused them to react in abusive, neglectful ways Do dysfunctional parents change with time? My research tells me that, unless they admit that they were abusive and spend focused time working toward personal change, sadly, they do not.  Their negative ways of relating to their adult children don’t change.  It also carries over to how they interact with their grandchildren.  Even though some of their volatile, dysfunctional behaviors settle down and mellow with age, if your dysfunctional parents haven’t done the hard work

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Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

My sister is critical of my decision to work instead of stay home with my two young children.  My husband doesn’t make as much money as hers, so if we want any extras I have to work, plus I enjoy my job and don’t think I have the patience to be at home all day with little ones.  Why do we have to always fight over this? This can be a hot topic among women, with both factions from both sides of the issue digging their stilettos in and holding fast.  The beauty of this dilemma is that women today have choices.  I have talked with older women who wanted to work when their children were young but felt that the social mores of the day frowned upon married women with children working out of the home.  They stayed home with their children but felt unfulfilled.  Today, both women and men can choose to parent from home fulltime.  As more professional women enter the workforce men have become the primary caretakers.  I have a number of women friends who are Doctors and none of us think any less of their husbands who manage the children and household full time.  My one Doctor friend just had a baby and her full-time stay-at-home husband brings the baby to mom’s lunch hour to breastfeed.  How cool is that?! We can’t talk about this subject without thinking of all the single moms and dads who are raising kids without a partner to help.  They don’t have a choice.  They have to work.  It’s tough.  When you do have a choice of what to do, there are pros and cons to both working and staying at home.  See if you can get your sister to call a truce on this topic.  See if she won’t

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Forgive Your Parents-Or Not; Heal Inner Child; Spiritual Work; Life Path

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/2.22.14/2.22.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Healing Your Inner Child @ 0:00 Spiritual Worker @ 8:31 Life Path @ 26:11 Most Important To Heal Inner Child @ 43:38 Forgive Mother, Heal Inner Child @ 44:41 Reasons Not To Forgive Parents @ 1:01:08 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

I love my wife of 26 years but it has been hard watching her gain weight over the years. She is now what her Doctor calls morbidly obese. While I’m happy with our life together and her weight doesn’t cause many problems at home, or we’ve just learned to adjust, when we travel her weight is a problem.  We’re at the point in our lives where we both want to travel but when we recently took a trip I saw her weight gain in a new light.  She could barely keep up on the sight seeing tours.  I know the walking was difficult for her and trying to fit onto a small bus seat was embarrassing, I’m concerned if we tried to fly for a vacation.  What can I do if I want to travel but her weight keeps us at home? I’ve seen her try to lose weight so many times over the years I’m not sure I can hold out hope for that. You sound like the sweetest husband ever and your wife is so lucky to have you!  My first thought about this is that I hope you have talked with her about your concerns.  Of course you have concerns about her weight, but you do have some decisions to make about future travel plans.  Your options are to modify your travel to accommodate your wife’s disability (can I call it that?), or you could also consider traveling alone or find some travel buddies.  I’ve known couples who happily travel alone because their partner doesn’t like to travel and they do, or one has a deathly fear of flying. Being a happy couple is all about negotiating your differences, whatever their causes.  I’m sure you and your wife will find a happy compromise and who knows, maybe

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