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Archive for the Family Relationships Category

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Spouse Disagrees with Donation for Tornado?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Spouse Disagrees with Donation for Tornado?

The tornado in Oklahoma has really affected me, especially the loss of children, and I’d like to donate to the cause but my husband doesn’t think this is necessary.  He got so angry just talking about this that I’m not sure if I should just forget donating.  I’ve always been the one who wants to help others, but he’s just not that way.  What should I do? I say screw him and shame on his selfish, self-centered attitude!  While that is my gut response to your question (I know it sounds harsh), I understand that you may not be able to take this stance and keep the peace in your marriage.  Marriage is a partnership, and both you and your husband deserve the right to spend a portion of the family money on the things and causes that are important to each of you.  Does your husband spend money on things just for himself?  Does he spend money on things you don’t agree with?  What I hear from couples works best is if each person has a set amount of money out of the monthly budget; that they can spend without their spouses approval.  If you could negotiate this strategy for spending, then you could donate from your monthly discretionary income.  I hope that you can successfully negotiate having some of your own spending money otherwise, to be honest, I have concerns about the health and mutuality of your relationship.  Thank you for your generous spirit.  The world needs more people like you! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ In what way might your husband be open to negotiating you having your own money to spend in any way that you like? Where do you and your husband agree with how the family money is to be spent? Where

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Negative Family?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Negative Family?

I’ve tried to raise my own family in a positive environment but whenever I’m with my parents and extended family all they do is sit and talk poorly about the family members who aren’t present.  They’re so critical I don’t like to have my kids around them.  How do I protect my kids from their negativity? First of all, I’m sure you realize that you’re not going to change your family of origin.  You’ve been witnessing and living this negativity your whole life and that may be the reason you’re focused on keeping things positive with your own children.  Kudos to you!  It’s never too late to change negative patterns! Depending on the ages of your children, you have a few options here.  When they’re small you can probably distract them away from the grown-up conversations.  As they get older, they may choose to join in on the adult conversation, which means they will get an earful of negativity.  The good thing about older kids is that they are aware enough, and mature enough, to understand the differences in the way people act, and re-act, around others.  This can be a good opportunity to teach your older children that, in life, we all have to learn how to deal with negative people.  We have to develop strategies for either minimizing our time with them or minimizing the impact they have on our lives.  Others may choose to be negative, but we always have the choice of how to act, and how to re-act.  The choice is ours and within our control.  To quote from the film, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade…”Choose Wisely!”. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What life lessons can you teach your children as they witness the exchange of negativity in your family? Is there

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Husband Neglecting Family for Golf?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Husband Neglecting Family for Golf?

My husband spends so much time on the Golf course I feel like he’s neglecting his duties as a father and husband.  How can I get him to spend more time with us and less on golf? Balance.  That’s the first word that came to mind when I read your question.  I’m a big believer in that we all need our leisure activities, our friends and hobbies, but if the balance of time we spend with others really does neglect our family…or is perceived to be neglecting our family…then we have a problem.  Maintaining a good relationship requires good negotiation skills.  Both parties need to get their needs met, but they should not look solely to their partner to meet those needs.  This is where negotiating with your husband for what you want and need comes in to play. First, I suggest that you honor him by accepting his passion for golf.  Let him know that you support him in spending time with activities that make him happy.  If that sounds like a hard thing for you to do, start by looking at the things you do that he’s not crazy about but has to accept in relationship with you.  You know, girlfriend, that he’s got his list too!!  Also, make sure that you are living your best life and not depending on him to satisfy something that you feel is missing inside you or in your life.  That said, if he is not being a true partner to you, bring on your Power Woman and go after what you need.  Get it?  Got it!  Good!! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ How do you show your husband that you honor his independence and leisure time away from you and the kids? Only you know what works with your

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Empty Nest?

Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach~Empty Nest?

My son graduates this year and I’m already a mess just thinking of him leaving for college.  I’ve been one of those moms who helped with all the school events and was really involved.  I’m not dealing with this very well.  It hasn’t even happened yet but this empty nest thing is already worse than I thought.  How am I going to get through this? This can be really tough on moms, and some dads have a real tough time with this as well.  You will get through this, even if it means having a good cry each day for a while!  Give yourself the space and time to process this change.  As you let go be mindful that your college student will let you know how much support they need from you their first year away from home.  Listen for their cues; some want to hear from you every day and others will tell you to quit calling so often.  Continue to support them as you always have, but give them their independence if they’re ready. Approach this change with a positive outlook! Look at this transition as a time to re-create yourself and your life.  Use this opportunity to focus on that hobby you set aside, or take that class you always wanted to take.  Marriages are often revitalized once the last child leaves home.  I know of many couples that see this as their opportunity to travel.  I had a friend send me flowers with the simple note “Enjoy” when our youngest left home.  After the initial unrest subsides, I expect that you will come to enjoy your newfound freedom!  Enjoy!   Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What can you do to show kindness and empathy toward yourself (yes!~yourself!) as you go through this difficult

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Can’t trust after Foster Care?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Can't trust after Foster Care?

I grew up in foster care. I never had a permanent family for more than two years. People were always in and out of my life.  I almost gave up on getting too emotionally involved with anyone.  How do I learn to trust that people will be there for me when no one ever stuck around? When your trust in others has been as stripped down as you share in your story, you have to take yourself to the root of all trust, which is trust in yourself.  Trust that you can emotionally handle this ebb and flow of people in your life.  Trust that there will be times of stable relationships and times of turmoil, these too you can emotionally deal with.  When you trust yourself to make the best decisions you can and trust that you can effectively deal with the rewards or consequences that come with those decisions, you are on your path to building and growing as a person.  You will make a better life for yourself.  Believe that and you have already succeeded! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Recall a time when you made a decision you were proud of. Review in your mind the steps you took toward making that decision. What comes to mind when you look within yourself regarding trust? If there are negatives (and there will be) can you set those aside? Focusing only on the positive attitudes you have regarding trust, can you make a list of ways you can keep your “eye on the prize”, keep the positives your primary goal? Have you done research on how you can build trust (books, internet)? Will you schedule time each day to work on building you inner trust? Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach who takes your

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Parents to Assisted Living?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Parents to Assisted Living?

My parents are getting older, and I’m expected to take care of them. My friends say I’m heartless if I put them in a nursing home. I feel obligated to care for them in my own home, but I know both of us would be miserable (work, personalities, etc.). Is it acceptable to let them live in an assisted living facility? You’ve answered your own question by saying you would both be miserable.  Plus, who needs enemies when you have friends that lay a guilt trip on you like this one?  To care for an elderly parent in your home is a 24-hour daily commitment.  Few people are up to the task.  I speak with a degree of authority on this, as in my former life before my talk radio show and Life Coaching; my work was in Assisted Living. As an alternative to having them live in your home, consider carving out extra time to visit them at the Assisted Living facility.  Incorporate activities in to your visits that you both enjoy.  When you don’t have the demands of being the person who tends to their daily care needs, you can focus on making your time together enriching to your relationship and extended family.  Have fun together! Unleash your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Do you have within you the personal power to tell your “friends” to keep their opinions to themselves (or to F-off, the choice is yours)? How can you address your own feelings of guilt? What do you need to do to tamp them down? Have you had problems dealing with guilt over other issues in life? How have you dealt with guilt from past issues? If you’ve had success in resolving issues of guilt from your past, how can you apply those principles to this

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: 80-yr-old wants Daughter’s Respect?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: 80-yr-old wants Daughter's Respect?

At 80 years old, I thought I would get more respect from my daughter, but we always find reason to bicker.  Sometimes it gets pretty heated and those times when it does I always leave feeling bad.  We do come back around in time but how do I quit this bickering back and forth with her? How do you change long-standing relationship patterns?  Sorry to be the bearer of the answer you may not want to hear but you probably won’t be able to stop the way the two of you relate.  Not completely any way.  The hopeful element, though, is that you alone can do your part to make this better.  Your daughter doesn’t need to know about your plan to change, but she will notice the change in you. The key is to recognize what your triggers are with her.  First, you need to recognize a trigger coming on, a blow-up waiting to explode.  Feel it in your body, “hear” it in your thoughts or “self talk”.  That’s easier said than done, and it’s not automatic for you, so when you’re around her you’re going to need to pay close attention.  When you feel your breathing changing and your thoughts turning toward wanting to scream at her, it’s time to implement your strategies for calming yourself down and removing yourself from this tango for two. Don’t despair, I have always thought that saying, “You can’t teach an old dog a new trick” was bullshit!  Good luck.  I know that you, being eternally young at heart will learn several new tricks to improve your relationship! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Looking over the past three blowups you had with your daughter, what were the triggers? What were you thinking and feeling in your body just before the

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: No interest in sex?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: No interest in sex?

I have no interest in sex because my husband and I don’t connect emotionally.  What do I do? Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach who takes your questions on Relationships, Health, Careers, Sexuality and Self Care.  No question is off limits!  She gives her opinion, then partners with you by submitting Life Coaching questions that will help you move toward health and happiness in your life.  Email your questions to tjjs.radio@gmail.com or arrange a time to talk with Joan in person on her radio talk show at www.joanjerkovich.com Follow Joan’s Life Coaching questions Daily at www.joanjerkovich.com

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Sister Dying, Custody of Children?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Sister Dying, Custody of Children?

My sister is experiencing severe health problems and wants me to take custody of her children if she dies instead of her abusive ex-husband. How do I handle the legal and family drama that comes with this situation? There are so many factors at play in your tragic family situation, it’s no wonder you question how you’re going to handle it all.  Look to maximize your own personal strengths during this trying time.  Take care of yourself.  Tend to your own emotional needs.  Nurture your spirit.  Your sister certainly believes in you, otherwise she wouldn’t want to leave her children with you to raise when she’s gone.  Whatever happens with custody of the children, you can certainly promise your sister you will always be there to help mother the children and keep her memory alive.  What an honor she is bestowing on you.  You must be (you are!) an amazing person! Unleash your Personal Power! Ask yourself these Life Coaching questions: What can you do each day to help soothe your sadness over your sister? Can you accept that showing and experiencing your sadness is natural and healing? Is your sister well enough to help you make a plan for the children? Can you both accept that you will do your best to follow the plan? If legal custody does not fall to you, what can you do to still be there for the children? How have you successfully dealt with things in your life that did not go as planned? What personal strengths can you draw on to “accept the things you cannot change”? What can you do to remind yourself that, regardless of what happens, you “have done the best you could”? Join the Conversation:  How would you handle a similar situation? Follow Joan’s Life Coaching questions Daily

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Joan Jerkovich “Your” Life Coach: Drug Addicted Dad?

Joan Jerkovich "Your" Life Coach: Drug Addicted Dad?

I love my Dad, but my husband and I have had it with his drug addiction.  We were letting him live with us to help him out. He relapsed again, so we kicked him out.  Now I can’t bring myself to take his calls or talk to him.  How can I be there for him while setting limits for myself? Setting limits is necessary when dealing with an addicted family member, so you needed to kick him out if he was disrupting your own family life.  Don’t allow yourself to go down the path of feeling guilty over that one, nor over not taking his calls for the time being.  You sound angry, and rightfully so, if his pattern has been to relapse “again”.  That said, I’m sure you realize that relapse is a part of addiction, so expect more relapses on his journey toward recovery.  In trying to be there for him, start with deciding on your personal limits.  Make your own health and well being your number one priority.  This is tough stuff you’ve been dealt! Unleash your Personal Power! Ask yourself these Life Coaching questions: What boundaries do you need to set in your relationship with your Dad? What time frame do you set for yourself to start implementing these boundaries? What can you do to support him that will not leave you feeling “put-out”? What does he do that makes you the angriest? How can you minimize your involvement in that part of his life? What do you have to do to take care of yourself in this situation? Do you have an addicted family member, and what have you done to cope? Follow Joan’s Life Coaching questions Daily at www.joanjerkovich.com Joan Jerkovich is a Board Certified Life Coach who takes your questions on Relationships, Health,

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