Empowering Talk Radio

Archive for the Family Relationships Category

Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

My sister is critical of my decision to work instead of stay home with my two young children.  My husband doesn’t make as much money as hers, so if we want any extras I have to work, plus I enjoy my job and don’t think I have the patience to be at home all day with little ones.  Why do we have to always fight over this? This can be a hot topic among women, with both factions from both sides of the issue digging their stilettos in and holding fast.  The beauty of this dilemma is that women today have choices.  I have talked with older women who wanted to work when their children were young but felt that the social mores of the day frowned upon married women with children working out of the home.  They stayed home with their children but felt unfulfilled.  Today, both women and men can choose to parent from home fulltime.  As more professional women enter the workforce men have become the primary caretakers.  I have a number of women friends who are Doctors and none of us think any less of their husbands who manage the children and household full time.  My one Doctor friend just had a baby and her full-time stay-at-home husband brings the baby to mom’s lunch hour to breastfeed.  How cool is that?! We can’t talk about this subject without thinking of all the single moms and dads who are raising kids without a partner to help.  They don’t have a choice.  They have to work.  It’s tough.  When you do have a choice of what to do, there are pros and cons to both working and staying at home.  See if you can get your sister to call a truce on this topic.  See if she won’t

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Forgive Your Parents-Or Not; Heal Inner Child; Spiritual Work; Life Path

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/2.22.14/2.22.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Healing Your Inner Child @ 0:00 Spiritual Worker @ 8:31 Life Path @ 26:11 Most Important To Heal Inner Child @ 43:38 Forgive Mother, Heal Inner Child @ 44:41 Reasons Not To Forgive Parents @ 1:01:08 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

I love my wife of 26 years but it has been hard watching her gain weight over the years. She is now what her Doctor calls morbidly obese. While I’m happy with our life together and her weight doesn’t cause many problems at home, or we’ve just learned to adjust, when we travel her weight is a problem.  We’re at the point in our lives where we both want to travel but when we recently took a trip I saw her weight gain in a new light.  She could barely keep up on the sight seeing tours.  I know the walking was difficult for her and trying to fit onto a small bus seat was embarrassing, I’m concerned if we tried to fly for a vacation.  What can I do if I want to travel but her weight keeps us at home? I’ve seen her try to lose weight so many times over the years I’m not sure I can hold out hope for that. You sound like the sweetest husband ever and your wife is so lucky to have you!  My first thought about this is that I hope you have talked with her about your concerns.  Of course you have concerns about her weight, but you do have some decisions to make about future travel plans.  Your options are to modify your travel to accommodate your wife’s disability (can I call it that?), or you could also consider traveling alone or find some travel buddies.  I’ve known couples who happily travel alone because their partner doesn’t like to travel and they do, or one has a deathly fear of flying. Being a happy couple is all about negotiating your differences, whatever their causes.  I’m sure you and your wife will find a happy compromise and who knows, maybe

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Living with Boyfriend, Parents Don’t Know

Living with Boyfriend, Parents Don’t Know

My parents are traveling from out of state to visit me and I’ve been living with my boyfriend for the past 6 months. They don’t know we’ve been living together and my problem is that they would not approve. Not only will they not approve, I’m afraid they’d go ballistic if they found out! They’re planning to stay with me at the apartment. What are my options? Put on your big girl panties, you’re going to need them for this one! Basically, you have two options:  1. Hide this from them  2. Tell them The hard part is going to be deciding which to do, so let’s explore how to make this crucial decision. You know your parents and you know yourself. In true Life Coaching form, I will tackle this issue by asking you the questions. You, and only you, know what your decision needs to be. The questions begin… • What will be gained by sneaking around your truth? • What could be gained by telling them? • Is there a chance this could be a first step toward your parents growing to accept that you as an adult are making your own choices? • How do you handle conflict with your parents? • Are you more comfortable keeping the status quo or living your truth? • Is this personal choice worth taking a stand against the morals of your parents? • How might your parents handle this? • Would telling them totally mess with their heads and screw up their vacation? • Would telling them severely damage your relationship with them? • What does your boyfriend think about this dilemma? • Is he OK with being relegated to his buddies couch while they’re in town? (don’t forget to remove his toothbrush and men’s cologne from the bathroom)

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Support for Addicts Wife?

Support for Addicts Wife?

My husband has recently gotten his addiction to alcohol and pills under control. He’s following his recovery program but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He has all this support but I need support too. Any help? You do need support, and you deserve support. When you are in a relationship with an addict your life can feel like it’s not your own. An addiction can pervade every area of your life and your relationship and just because your husband is newly sober or in recovery doesn’t magically make all the problems his addiction created go away. Darn. Wish it did? While I’m sure you’re happy that he has started down the road to recovery, do you feel like you’re expected to throw up a resounding cheer of praise while showering him with an “atta boy” or “good for you”, even though you resent that he took you down the road of addiction to begin with? Do you harbor resentment over what his addiction did to your relationship and family? Has he come around to being a true partner now that the drugs and alcohol are under control, or are you still the one holding things together? Has his recovery taken away all of his character flaws, such as lying? One opinion I have about addicts is that when you live with an addict, you live a life of lies. Lying about their drug use is part and parcel to their denial of how bad their addiction is. They lie to you and they lie to themselves. This is tough stuff. For help, cultivate your own support systems. Find a support group, supportive friends, counselor or pastor who will help you through this new way of sober living. Take care of your needs while you support your

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Unruly Kids at Expensive Dinner Out?

Unruly Kids at Expensive Dinner Out?

As a special treat, my husband and I went out to a very expensive restaurant for dinner only to find a couple of preschool age kids seated at the table next to us. Everything was fine while the kids were eating, but once they were done and the adults were sitting around drinking, the kids started to get up and walk around. The one little boy was having fun going to the nearby empty tables and blowing out the candles. The mom rather absentmindedly tried to get him to stop, but her scolding him became an almost bigger nuisance. While it didn’t completely ruin our evening it did leave us feeling frustrated. For us, this was a lot of money to spend on an evening out only to let this happen. What should we do next time to avoid this? Been there, done that, I sympathize! Call me insensitive, but I’ve been known to ask to be seated away from kids at restaurants. I’ve also seen restaurant managers package up the remaining meal of an unruly family and ask them to leave. Recently, I got to sit through a meal at a chain restaurant with a child next to us that was essentially screaming through the meal. He was soooo disruptive all the guests at the surrounding tables were throwing dirty looks at his parents. They kept trying to get him to quiet down at the table instead of taking him out of the restaurant. Finally, we called for the manager. We explained how another restaurant chain in town had asked the family to leave with their unruly child, but this manager explained that his company didn’t allow him to do that. He was apologetic and recognized the frustration of the surrounding customers, but explained that his hands were tied.

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Cougar Mom, Enormous Breast Implants?

Cougar Mom, Enormous Breast Implants?

My mom just recently got divorced and she’s going crazy. She’s dating men so much younger than her that they’re getting really close to my age, and it’s creeping me out. What can I tell her to get her to settle down? This does sound creepy for you, but this makes me think of how little control we have over the actions of other people. I recently watched a TV program about a son who was really upset that his mom was addicted to plastic surgery, specifically breast implants. She kept getting bigger and bigger implants and to see her she was walking around with mini watermelons on her chest. It was bizarre! When sitting or driving, she had to prop her breasts up on a pillow because they were so uncomfortable. Her son wanted her to stop out of concern that this was a health risk, but she was on a mission to find a plastic surgeon to double their current size. The Doctor interviewed on the show declined to work with her, but she kept looking and, reportedly, found a Doctor to turn her mini watermelons into melon patch whoppers. The point of that story being that, as the son, you may have no control over the actions of your mother. Keep the lines of communication open with your mom. Tell her how you feel about her cougar ways. Maybe she’s going through a post-divorce phase. I recently heard a young man talk about his young counterpart female friend hooking up with random dudes, saying she was going through her “post-divorce slutty phase”. Divorce can make people do crazy things. It happens. I’m guessing that if you are concerned about this, others in the family are as well. Maybe you could talk to one of her brothers or

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Need Son’s Support Through Health Scare?

Need Son's Support Through Health Scare?

Recently, I had a real health scare, and while I’m doing pretty well, it will take me a while to get back on my feet. My problem is that my only son is not being supportive at a time when I need him most. I’m a single mother who’s raised him to young adulthood all alone. This has caused ill will between us. How can we fix this situation? The first thought I have about your plight is to ask if you’ve made your needs clear to him? Often, we think people aren’t being supportive when they are simply clueless. Your son can’t read your mind, and he may think he’s being supportive when you, obviously, think otherwise. Make sure you clearly tell him what you need from him at this time and I’m guessing he will step up and help you out, or, it may be that your son is inclined to being selfish and self-centered. Some people, men and women, are natural born caretakers, and others go running when they’re not the center of attention or the one being propped up. They do a disappearing act when they’re needed to help out. Which is your son? Is he a giver or a taker? If you’ve answered that he is more inclined to be a taker, then his response to your health scare is predictable. As his mother, now may be a good time to ask him for help with specific things, and communicate clearly that you expect his help. Will you get it? Hopefully you will, but if not, you will have started on the path of a new way of relating to your son where you expect him to act like a grownup and show a little give and take. No matter the age of our children,

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When Do Adult Kids Grow Up?

When Do Adult Kids Grow Up?

When do the kids grow up? My two adult children, who are in their 30’s, came home for a visit and got in to such a big fight that my wife and I were ready to send them packing. I doubt they act like this when visiting other places, so why do they think they can come home and leave their manners behind? Let me guess, I bet there’s a history here of these two “kids” bickering when they get together. Old habits, and personalities that clash, rarely vanish with age. Also, what I think happens is that when adult children come back to the family home for a visit, they feel comfortable in the setting, and let their guard down. You and your wife should consider this a compliment that your children feel so welcome in your home. Enough of the nicey-nice. I read in your question that this is frustrating for you. I get that. When people come in to your home and end up fighting, it casts a pall on the mood of everyone in your home, including you! You ask when do kids grow up? Some, maybe never. For some it may not be an issue of growing up but of personalities that are prone to create drama. Argumentative people will drag their duffle bag of opinions wherever they go. Set them face to face with another argumentative person and watch the fireworks fly. Your two adult children may be those personalities that get together and bluster up the perfect storm. It will probably just have to play itself out but you do have the right to remind them to use their grownup manners. As king and queen of your own home, you and your wife have the right to tell your kids to either cool

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Breakup with Girlfriend Family Love?

Breakup with Girlfriend Family Love?

My family loves my girlfriend. I feel pressured by them to marry her but am thinking of breaking up. We have a lot of history together, like trips with my family, and her being close to my family makes a breakup harder. How can I work this out? This question reminds me of the wisdom of my own parents who thought it best to keep relations with boyfriends and girlfriends casual until the engagement, or, by today’s standards, until the couple is living together. I remember my mother explaining the rationale for this, which was to avoid just the issue you now have. When your parents are more excited about your marrying this girlfriend than you are, it does make it harder for you to break up with her. You are the one who has to live with the wife, not your parents, so if you are “thinking of breaking up” I’m guessing you’ve already passed go and need to plan your exit strategy. The first person who gets the breakup news is, of course, your girlfriend. Yet, since your family seems so emotionally attached to her, I would make them a close second to receive the news. It would also be advisable for you to decide if you want your family to set boundaries with your Ex, or not. After some breakups, some guys are ok with the Ex still having lunch dates with their mom, others want the family to have no contact. If you’re ok with your Ex remaining a friend of the family, it would be a good idea to have them keep their distance for a few months to give your relationship time for a clear breakoff. That way, the Ex won’t be using her relationships with your family members to manipulate her way back

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