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Archive for the Family Relationships Category

He Saves-She Spends, Marital Money Issues?

He Saves-She Spends, Marital Money Issues?

The biggest arguments my husband and I have are over spending. I like to spend and he likes to save. I grew up in a family where my Dad spoiled me and I got everything I ever wanted. Sometimes I wish this were not the case because I know this has set me up for the number one stress my marriage of 27 years has had. Will this bickering over spending ever get resolved? Maybe before we hit our 50th anniversary? You may think you’re asking a question, but I think you’re telling all of us a beautiful love story! I’m sure you know the answer to your own question, which is to say that “no” you will never stop bickering with your husband over money. After 27 years of relating to each other in this way, neither of you are going to change. One marriage research project I read found that every long-term marriage has that thing (or those things) that they bicker about until “death do us part”. The issue never gets resolved (a key point to take note of…) and couples are good to not expect it to. Yet, over time, they find their own way of staying connected in spite of their differences. Ahhh…feel the love? I do! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • Has the way that the two of you bicker about money changed much in the past 20 years? • If not, why would you want to change things now? • If the bickering has escalated, are there other stresses in your marriage besides money? • What is your pattern for coming back together after disagreements? • How can you shorten the time you spend cussing and discussing, and get down to the business of reconnecting? Do you fight over money

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How Divorce Affects Children, Tips For Support; Ex Turns Daughter Against Her Dad; Children Don’t Understand Parents’ Divorce, As They’re Still Friends

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/7.4.15/7.4.15Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: How Divorce Affects Children, Is It Bad For Them? @ 0:00 Ex Turns Daughter Against Her Dad @ 3:33 Children Don’t Understand Parents’ Divorce, As They’re Still Friends @ 23:31 Tips For Supporting Children Through Divorce @ 43:37 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center Sunflower Bank The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am & Sundays @ 9pm CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Mom Worries Over Son’s Visitation With (Crazy) Dad?

Mom Worries Over Son's Visitation With (Crazy) Dad?

My divorce has just been finalized and I’ve been granted primary custody of my son. He has visitation with his Dad twice a week, but those times when he’s gone are a struggle for me. I miss him and worry that his Dad might be saying or doing crazy things to set him against me, or stress my son. How can I cope? Your question makes me think of a television interview I saw with a powerful Hollywood divorce attorney who represents big name celebrities. In the interview, she said that she would not represent a client unless they agree to joint custody and visitation. In essence, what she was saying was that the children of divorce need both of their parents in their lives. I wholeheartedly agree. Even if you think your Ex is crazy, and knowing that you will never be able to control what he does and says, being a good mom involves supporting your sons relationship with his Dad. (Assuming, of course, that the environment Dad creates for your son is physically and emotionally safe.) Feel lucky that your son has a Father that wants to spend time with him. It’s the ones who don’t that hurt their children in untold ways. Don’t believe me? Oprah did a whole show on absentee Dads, and Oprah knows best! In anticipation for your son’s visits with his Dad, plan activities for yourself that nurture and fulfill you. Maybe there are activities that you enjoy that you rarely participate in because you’d need a babysitter. I HATE thinking of Dads as babysitters (because they’re not, they’re Dads!), but visitation does allow you the freedom of ready childcare. Maybe you can use your legally mandated alone time to delve in to your unresolved issues of anger and resentment from your

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Dangerous Attraction To Married Man?

Dangerous Attraction To Married Man?

I’m really attracted to my babysitter’s husband to where I think about cheating on my husband with him. I find reasons to pick the kids up late hoping that he’s home from work and I can see him and talk with him. He’s like my fantasy guy. He’s given me no clue that he’s interested in me so why do I keep crushing on him? Is it because my marriage isn’t great? What would life be without our fantasy men and women? What woman hasn’t had a crush on some hot celebrity? What man hasn’t had fantasies about Selena Gomez or Rihanna (Maxim’s Hot 100 #2&3)? Read from my blog archives about my personal fantasy crush back in the “Magic Mike” days. My newest muses are Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth….oh, I digress to such pleasurable thoughts…but on with your question… Seriously, having a celebrity crush that we all know is unattainable does not carry the danger of crushing on a married man you see on a regular basis. While there is no harm in finding someone attractive, when it gets to the point of obsessing about them, or changing your daily routine for a “chance” encounter, then you’re right to start questioning what is going on in your life. Yes, my guess is that you have allowed this crush to commandeer your thoughts because you are not getting your needs met in your marriage. Duh-you didn’t need to hear that from a Board Certified Life Coach, that’s common sense. A good solid relationship allows for those celebrity crushes and infatuations, and poses no harm. A relationship where your emotional and physical needs are not getting met is at risk for an affair. Don’t get too wrapped up in why you’re crushing on this guy, just acknowledge that you are

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4 Tips For Stepparents Who Are Dealing With Behavior Problems

4 Tips For Stepparents Who Are Dealing With Behavior Problems

My stepson has ADD, but his mother doesn’t want him on medication so I have to put up with his bullshit. It’s affecting our marriage. Any advice? This one is tough as there are a lot of parents who don’t believe in medicating their children (for various reasons) and your wife sounds strong in her belief. First, do you feel that you have adequate information from which to make the decision to medicate or not? I tell people that you can always find an “opinion” on the Internet that will “fit” your belief in what you should (or should not) do, but that doesn’t make the information accurate or reliable. That said, you need to first agree on what resources for information on managing ADD you will use to base your decisions on. That can be anything from the Medical Pediatric Associations, Behavioral Therapists, the local Shaman, Nutritionist or Energy Healer. Believe me, when it comes to health, people have strong opinions on what methods to use and to this I say…do what works for you! After you gather the information, you can begin the process of discussing with your wife a plan for making your home life more peaceful. This will most likely focus on treatment for his ADD and management of behavioral issues. If you have issues with your stepson’s behavior, try these 4 steps for making your home life more peaceful for all of you: Together, with your wife, set up specific and clearly defined house rules. Together, present the rules to your children. Decide on consequences for breaking the rules. Administer the consequences, together, as a united front. As you tackle this issue, honor the fact that your stepson’s mother has the final say in how her child will be treated both medically and behaviorally in your home. Work with your

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Husband’s Job-Hopping Makes Wife Nervous?

Husband's Job-Hopping Makes Wife Nervous?

My husband never stays at one job for very long, and I don’t understand why. He doesn’t have a hard time getting new jobs because he’s very likable and a good communicator. Also, since he’s done so many different jobs he has a lot to offer in the way of experience. He only stays at a job for about 2 years at a time. Now that he’s in his 40’s I would like to see him settle in to one job. Every time he changes jobs he loses vacation and it’s like he has to start all over again with gaining seniority. When I ask him why he does this, his answers are always vague and something like he gets bored and wants to try something new. That, or he seems to have a minor reason for why he doesn’t like working with someone, so decides to move on. This pattern is starting to make me nervous. What can I say to him to help him see that moving jobs so often may not be in his or our family’s best interest? Truth is, although this pattern of “job hopping” makes you nervous, there are pro’s and con’s to your husband’s behavior. On the pro side is just what you said about him gaining lots of varied experience by working for different companies at different jobs. Some people move from job to job as a way to work their way up the management ladder and pay scale. These are a couple of things that can work in your husbands favor. To the negative, the biggest down side to your husband changing jobs so often is that prospective new employers will see this on his resume. An employee that doesn’t stay at any one job for very long could be looked

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Angry Over Brother’s Murder?

Angry Over Brother's Murder?

Many years ago my brother was murdered, in what we suspect, was a drug deal gone bad. The police ended up finding his killer and he’s been in jail without parole since. Everyday I think of my brother and what he would say to me if he were alive. I’m still mad at him for putting himself in such bad circumstances. I don’t know what he was thinking. It was so dangerous doing what he was. I feel an emptiness without him here. Why am I still so angry after all this time? We are always angriest with the people we love the most. You loved your brother. It’s understandable that you feel angry with him for his part in ending his life, an ending that took him away from you. It’s good that you’re allowing yourself to feel these feelings of anger and emptiness. It reminds me of that saying, “the only way out is through.” Sometimes the way to move beyond painful emotions is to dive deeper in to them. Allow them to resurface and move you toward healing. What you’re experiencing is the resurgence of a smoldering emotional pain. The pain of losing your brother that you have probably covered over with a degree of denial, so that you didn’t have to re-live the acute pain of your loss and grief that you first felt when he died. Often, we like to avoid emotional pain. Yet, just as a broken bone can take months and years to heal, painful emotions also need time to resolve; and just like the broken bone, a break in our emotional countenance will take time to heal. Many persons find physical pain and suffering easier to cope with than emotional pain. In order to tamp down emotional pain they might hold on

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Questioning If Gay Or Straight; Christian Chooses Not To Live Gay Lifestyle; Oral Roberts’ Gay Family Members

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/4.18.15/4.18.15Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: 1. How To Know If You’re Gay Or Straight @ 0:00 2. Christian Grapples With Homosexual Desires @ 4:20 3. 32 Year Old Man Questions His Sexuality @ 22:14 4. Tragedy Befalls Oral Roberts’ Gay Family Member @ 42:48 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am & Sundays @ 9pm CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Feel Guilty For Giving Up On Homeless Brother?

Feel Guilty For Giving Up On Homeless Brother?

My brother wanders around the country moving from homeless shelter to homeless shelter and I feel guilty that the family has essentially abandoned him. He’s burned his bridges and each of us could tell a story of how we tried to help him but he just never tried to help himself. We’ve all closed our doors to him and pretty much given up on him. His main problem is alcohol and never wanting to sober up and get a job. He’s lazy and seems ok with mooching off people or the system whenever he can. He’s been in rehab numerous times but his efforts at staying sober never last. I sometimes think he likes his life of wandering around using up services and people only to move on to the next place once they’re fed up with him. It’s like he feels like he’s owed help and none of this is his fault. I think that attitude is the main reason the family has had it with him. His attitude that we owe him something for his doing nothing has burned us all out. So why do I feel bad that we’ve all abandoned him? My other siblings feel that he’s made his own bed and deserves his life of homelessness. It doesn’t seem to bother them like it does me. Is there something else I can do to help him turn his life around or how do I let go of feeling guilty that I’ve not been there for him? Your question touches on many aspects of the plight of homelessness and shares the reality from the family perspective. It’s not uncommon for family to burn out and pull away when their attempts at helping just keep falling backward. While many things can lead to homelessness, the number one

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Absentee Fathers; Forgiveness; Family Unhappy With Choice To Be Single

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/4.4.15/4.4.15Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Absentee Fathers Pay A High Price, Cause Emotional Distress @ 0:00 Choose To Be Single-Family Disapprove @ 3:23 Forgiveness For Absentee Fathers @ 23:20 4 Steps To Move Toward Forgiveness @ 43:47 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am & Sundays @ 9pm CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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