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Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Six months before my mother died we had a falling out. Before we got back to repairing our relationship she passed away suddenly from a heart attack. It’s been an emotional up and down roller coaster. I never really got to talk to her and say goodbye as she had stopped talking to me six months. Every day I wake up and am constantly thinking I can’t believe that she’s gone. It’s been hardest knowing we were not on speaking terms when she died and I can’t take that back. I feel so guilty, any help?                  I’m so sorry for your loss and this has to be incredibly hard and conflicted based on the way things happened. Of course, if either you or your mother could have known she would be taken away suddenly, you would have healed your relationship before that time.                This is so sad, and the last thing I would want you to do is get down on yourself or judge yourself harshly for living this “emotional up and down roller coaster” as you call it. Grieving takes time. Allow yourself all the time you need to get through this but if you feel you are getting “stuck” in grief, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a pastor, counselor, or find a grief support group.                Here is something to keep in mind as you try to move forward: Look at your relationship as a whole. Hold dear in your heart the connection and love that you and your mother had through her whole life, not just these last months. Celebrate in your memories the beauty of what you had together. Be grateful for the good things your relationship held for both of you.                Don’t focus on the rift you had just

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Parenting the Child You Want to Give Up On

Parenting the Child You Want to Give Up On

Karen is ready to give up on parenting her 14-year-old. She feels like she has tried everything with this defiant child. It’s easier to just let him do his thing and count the days until he’s 18 years old and no longer her responsibility. The yelling and disrespect she gets in her home is destroying her peace and her mental and physical health. She’s had it with his lying and disobedience. She’s tired of trying to get him to do his homework and get to school on time. He’s a brilliant kid, but his grade card says otherwise. She’s tried disciplining him by taking away his things and privileges but he doesn’t seem to care. Karen, who is a single mom, even sent him off to stay with the relatives for a while. In short order, they literally “dumped” him back on her doorstep saying that they too give up. What’s a parent to do? Whether or not Karen’s son is diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), the principles of managing a child with this type of behavioral problem can benefit any parent who, like Karen, feels like giving up. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, as described by Janet Lehman, MSW, in her article “4 Ways to Manage Oppositional Defiant Disorder in Children”, is a childhood disorder that affects from 6-10% of children. It is characterized by a negative set of behaviors in a child directed toward the adults in their life.  As Ms. Lehman writes, the diagnosis of ODD is given by mental health professionals to describe a set of behaviors a child is exhibiting that include: Often loses temper Argues with adults and authority figures Refuses to comply with adult requests Blames others for his mistakes Deliberately annoys people Is easily annoyed by others Is angry/resentful and spiteful/vindictive Kids with

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Famous Liars, Infamous Lies

Famous Liars, Infamous Lies

Can you match up these famous liars with their infamous lies? Check your answers and comment on how many of the 14 lies you correctly matched with the liar! Have your friends and co-workers see how many liars they can identify. I won’t be surprised if I see a few “local” lies being ratted out in the anonymous comments! ~ Joan     Regarding his investigation for corruption:  “whether you tape me privately or publicly, I can tell you that whatever I say is always lawful and the things I’m interested in are always lawful.”  Rod Blagojevich-then Governor, D-Ill. Regarding rumors of his extramarital affair, first published in the National Enquirer: “tabloid trash.” Also lied about fathering a child with his mistress as later proven with DNA testing.  John Edwards Regarding the release of lewd photos the married congressman sent to women over the Internet:  “This was a hoax. It was committed on me, it was a prank, it was a relatively easy one to do, making fun of my name.”  Anthony Weiner While dodging rumors of an extramarital affair while running for the Democratic nomination in 1987: “follow me around. I don’t care. … I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They’d be very bored.”  Sen. Gary Hart, D-Colo After reports surfaced of an affair with former White House intern: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”  Bill Clinton Delivered his infamous lie on November 17, 1973:  “I am not a crook,”  Richard Nixon In a 2007 sting operation at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport after sexually soliciting an undercover officer. When explaining why he slid his foot under the bathroom stall to tap the foot of the officer in the adjacent stall, Craig famously explained he had a “wide stance” and

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Wife Won’t Have Sex?

Wife Won’t Have Sex?

My wife and I have been married for 13+ years.  As of 4 years ago, all physical relations stopped. She says she loves me but not in that way. Help please. Your question makes me sad. If expressing your love sexually within your marriage is important to you, but your wife has shut you out, she needs to realize that this expression of love is as important to your relationship as hugs, kisses, sharing your paycheck, raising your children and making a life and home together. Ask her how she would feel if you told her you still love her, but not in the way that leaves you feeling like you need to get up and go to work each day to help support her and the family?  Assuming you fulfilled your role as the responsible, faithful husband for 13+ years, would she agree to your stopping being responsible and faithful?  Have you put in your time, and done enough in this relationship, that you are now at liberty to shut down and shut her out of the things that she values in your marriage? I should hope not. While one might think this is only a man’s problem, there are also husbands who have no desire for sex. I’ve heard from both women and men who’ve struggled with a spouse who shut down sexually.  Statistically, about one man to every five women will not have an active libido. In the battle of the sexes, women are most likely to use sex to catch a man and to have children, only to shut down once those feats are accomplished; and men often withhold sex if they are using it as a controlling (abusive?) tactic, or they lack libido due to drug abuse, or they have depression or other health problems. 

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The He Said/She Said of Sexual Harassment

The He Said/She Said of Sexual Harassment

He exposed himself. She took a picture with her cell phone. He thought she was sending a text.  Her attorney is now using this evidence in a case against him. She says he has been harassing her.  He says his version of the game, “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”, was consensual.  She says it was not. He said/She said.  Who is telling the truth? These are the muddy waters of navigating through allegations of sexual harassment. When I decided to divert from my usual talk radio format and open it up to victims of workplace sexual harassment, I wasn’t prepared for the floodgates to open.  To describe what I have been hearing from women who wanted to tell me their stories, would be to use adjectives such as shocking, disgusting, disheartening, frustrating, and unjust.  The women continue to reach out.  They just want to be believed. Not being believed was really troubling for them, but a close second was having their owners, supervisors and managers discount or dismiss their reports.  Too often their reports got dismissed with a “don’t do it again, Bob”.  This leaves the women feeling helpless and further traumatized. Don’t believe me?  Listen to the podcast of my guest; a very well known, professional Salina woman who tells her truth. She is credible. She is believable. She is brave to tell her story and she is an advocate for women. Find her truth, and those of other victims, in these excerpts of what I’ve been hearing from the woman who are contacting me.  This is what they are reporting as their truth of sexual, workplace harassment: He said to her, “I’m going to stick a pop bottle up your ass”.  When asked why, he said, “I just wanted to get you excited”. He

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Helping a Suicidal Friend?

Helping a Suicidal Friend?

My friend always dumps his negative energy on me.  I know he’s been down but when I make suggestions for him to go to counseling he won’t go.  The other night he called me to say he was feeling suicidal.  He talked about this for a while but ended our conversation saying that he didn’t think he would do it, commit suicide, right now, but maybe he would in two or three years.  Then he ended our conversation. I was really worried about him, and if he didn’t live out of state, I would have driven over to his apartment to check on him.  Instead, all I could do was keep trying to call him. He didn’t answer his phone all night and I was worried sick!  I finally got through to him the next day and he said he had just turned his phone off and went to bed.  He was sleeping while I was beside myself with worry. I’m starting to resent his dumping all of his negative energy on me, not doing the things he can to help himself, and with this last incidence of him turning his phone off, I feel like I’m doing all the work in this friendship. I want to help and be there for him but it’s difficult for me. What should I do? When someone talks about suicide, you must always take that seriously. You need to encourage them to get help, see their Doctor, or if things are immediately dangerous, go to the Emergency Room.  If the situation is dire and you have a real sense that this is very serious, arrange for someone to be present with your friend.  Someone needs to go to their home or apartment to check on them, sit with them, and encourage them to

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Panic Attacks Drive Sufferers Into the Hell of Loneliness

Panic Attacks Drive Sufferers Into the Hell of Loneliness

Can you imagine living your life feeling fearful and scared to walk to your corner quick shop for a soda?  Or feeling an intense, sickening, fear around crowds to the point that you can’t drag yourself to the shopping mall to buy a new pair of shoes?  How would it feel to not be able to attend your favorite cousins wedding because being around people at the wedding and reception causes you extreme anxiety and all you want to do is escape?  What if your reality is that you can’t imagine getting a job because just thinking about the job interview starts your palms sweating and makes you feel like throwing up your lunch? What should you do if a feeling of intense fear and anxiety comes over you while sitting at home watching a movie?  You wonder if you’re having a heart attack as you feel your heart beating fast and a pressure in your chest!  You can’t catch your breath! You pick up the phone wondering if you should call 911! Panic disorder is very real for an estimated six million Americans. If you have panic disorder, don’t suffer in silence and confine yourself to the hell of loneliness.  There is treatment available.  According to ADAA.org, the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, panic disorder is highly responsive to treatment.  That deserves to be said again…panic disorder is highly responsive to treatment! If you’ve ever wondered what people who have panic attacks experience, read through this list of symptoms: a feeling of imminent danger or doom the need to escape heart palpitations sweating trembling shortness of breath or a smothering feeling a feeling of choking chest pain or discomfort nausea or abdominal discomfort dizziness or lightheadedness a sense of things being unreal, depersonalization a fear of losing control or

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Stressed Over Tight Budget?

Stressed Over Tight Budget?

We are on such a tight budget that whenever we go out as a family for dinner and a movie I leave wondering if we shouldn’t have just stayed home to eat and watch a movie on TV.  It’s fun to go out but it also stresses me because we really can’t afford it.  How do I decide what to do when money is so tight? When you’re struggling to make the dollars stretch, you can diminish the anxiety you feel by sitting down and making a plan for what amount you can spend on entertainment.  I know its not fun to have to work within a budget, but if you don’t, and find that the $60 you spent on an evening out was needed to pay the rent, you will feel stress.  Write down all the money you have coming in on one column on a sheet of paper.  Then, on the opposite side, write down all the fixed expenses you have such as rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, food.  Give them an estimate if need be.  I believe in holding back a percentage for an “emergency fund”, so add that in to your expense column.  Now do the math and see what you have left. Once you’ve done this you will have a clearer picture of how much “discretionary” income you have left to use for entertainment or whatever fun things you enjoy in life. Budgets aren’t fun, but when you’re as stretched as you sound to be, they are even more necessary.  Think about working with a budget and living within what you can afford as a huge way you can relieve your stress.  How often have you stressed about not having enough money to pay your bills?  This will take a conscious effort on your part

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Reproductive Risks of Aging Sperm

Reproductive Risks of Aging Sperm

The reproductive clock is ticking, and the ticking clock isn’t only relevant to women. Men too have to consider the fact that the longer they put off starting a family there are risks. Those risks run the gamut of infertility, to genetic abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome, to a higher risk of their children developing schizophrenia. Aging men have aging sperm. Aging sperm equates to a decrease in fertility. As published in the 2004 issue of the American Journal of Gynecology, research showed that a man’s chances of fathering a child decrease with each passing year. The odds of a successful pregnancy fell by 11% per year and the chance for a successful live birth declined even farther. Aging sperm increases the risk of genetic abnormalities. In the June 2003 issue of The Journal of Urology, a study of 3,400 cases of Down syndrome was done and found the incidence was related to sperm 50% of the time. The father’s age played a significant role when both parents were over 35 at the time of conception. Aging sperm raises the chance for mental illness. Children born to older men also run a higher risk of developing schizophrenia. Men between the ages of 45 to 49 were twice as likely to have children with schizophrenia, as were men 25 and younger. That risk tripled for men over the age of 50. These results came from a sampling of 85,000 people as reported in the 2001 issue of The Archives of General Psychiatry. Who are the oldest celebrity men to father children? Who are the two oldest at 67 years old? Find out by listening to my podcast: Risks of Aging Sperm; Flirting Red Flags; Calm Nervousness & Panic Excerpts for this blog were taken from “Age Raises Infertility Risk in Men,

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Risks of Aging Sperm; Flirting Red Flags; Calm Nervousness and Panic

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/3.22.14/3.22.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: iTunes | Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Reproductive Risks of Aging Sperm @ 0:00 Aggravated by Exes Flirting @ 5:11 Annoyed by Exes Demands @ 22:43 Flirting as Relationship Red Flag @ 43:02 Panic Disorder @ 45:00 Write or Publish Your Book @ 50:11 Disabled by Anxiety and Panic Attacks @ 1:09:14 Calm Your Anxiety @ 1:26:09 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)  

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