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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Waiting 7 Years for Him to Change?

Waiting 7 Years for Him to Change?

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 7 years and while we love each other, I’m afraid to commit to him because of his addictive behaviors. He’s a drinker and gambler and big spender. His family history is that his Father died of an overdose and his Mother is an alcoholic. I keep hanging on to this relationship thinking he will change, but it’s starting to wear me down mentally and physically. Why do I keep hanging on hoping for change? My dearie, dearie, dear…let’s talk! From one who’s been there done that, I have a lot to say to you, and hopefully you will listen to me because it will save you tons of grief! While I’m writing this blog after a busy day, and would be happy to make it short and sweet with a profound message that simply says (or shall I say SHOUTS!) Get Out! Dump him!! I will lend some thoughts on what may be going on here. Let’s start by calling your relationship “ambivalent”. There is the good mixed with the bad; it’s a love/hate sort of affair; you want in one day and out the next. I’m sure your boyfriend is charming and would be the perfect guy IF he didn’t have those nasty little habits, but girlfriend, those nasty habits he has aren’t forgetting to put the lid on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down? Right? He has those addictive behaviors that concern you, and rightly so. A saying that I wish were mine because I think its genius and Oh, So, True, is coined from Dr. Phil, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior”. Even if your man has his addictions, does he recognize them, and more importantly, is he taking steps to address them?

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Family as Business Partners?

Family as Business Partners?

My son wants to bring his Dad and me out of retirement to help start a business. We could make a good team, as we’re all good at different things, but this is a big step. I’m concerned about making a go of it but I’m more concerned about this not stressing our family. My husband and I feel this could be a long-term investment in our retirement. That is, of course, if we can make a profit with the business. The other thing we can help our son with is getting a loan to get started since he probably couldn’t get one on his own. There are lots of things to consider before taking this step. Any advice? Of course I have advice, but maybe I should speak more honestly and say that I have an opinion on how to proceed…that way you can’t hold me accountable if things don’t go as planned! But, seriously, there are a number of pitfalls in general with family members going in to business together. And if you want to get a general idea of what they might be, watch a few episodes of Pawn Stars on the History Channel. Not an episode of reality TV goes by on Pawn Stars that Rick, his father-“Old Man”, and son-“Big Hoss”, don’t get in to it over some seemingly trivial business dealings. It seems rather trivial to us couch potato viewers, but it can get really testy at times! Plenty of bleeped out curse words! I know what they say that all of reality TV is scripted, but I don’t think for a second that these guys aren’t getting in to it for real! Such are the dynamics of a family run business. IF you decide to dive in to this family partnership here are

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An Artists Career, Doomed to Starvation?

An Artists Career, Doomed to Starvation?

Now that I’ve graduated from college with a Fine Arts degree, I’m concerned about making a living as an artist. My parents didn’t like my choice of careers, saying that it would doom me to the life of a “starving artist”, but I’d like to prove them wrong. Art is my passion and I want to try and make a living as an artist. Any advice? Well, since I’m not an expert on this issue, I did some research for you. What I found out, and what I gleaned from my own business experience, is that there are several key components to making a living as an artist. First, you will need to treat your career more like a business than a job. That is, unless you get a job in an art affiliated field, more on that later. As with any business you need to pay close attention to your finances and follow a budget. Make smart choices with expenditures and find ways to finance your art projects in advance if at all possible. This will keep you out of a deep hole of debt. That’s not to say that to get started in business, or for that really big “break-out” project, you won’t need to borrow some money. Be smart and get creative with financing in order to minimize your risk. Then, hopefully, you will get a return on your investment, aka, sell the art you created with borrowed money. The challenge of most artists is that they need to market themselves. This is not always easy for them as often, the real joy in what they do is in creating their art, not marketing it or running their art as a business. Yet, this is what moves you from the realm of hobby to career. This is

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Rich Girl, Poor Boy, A Mismatch?

Rich Girl, Poor Boy, A Mismatch?

My girlfriend was born in to money and grew up with private schools and limousines. I grew up in the low-income housing projects and have not been cultured in the same way she has been. We broke up once but are back together. I’m really in to her and we get along great but I think her one problem with us, as a couple, is that she can’t handle my poor boy upbringing. She’s like one of those debutantes who are rich and snotty. I hold down a good job but am not rich by any means. Is there any hope for our relationship? You sound like a man in love who may be headed toward unrequited love? Your girlfriend’s attitude makes me think of how women, especially, are socialized to want to marry a successful, wealthy man. There may be an even greater expectation for your girlfriend to marry a blueblood from a socially prominent wealthy family? Is that what her family expect from her? If so, you are fighting pressures that go beyond relationship compatibility. You are fighting family pressures. The two of you are really going to need to get down to the nitty gritty and sort this one out before you can take your relationship to a more committed level. She is the one who is hesitant, so you my dear fellow are going to need to start the conversation rolling. It’s on your back to either find out if she can commit to a poor boy, or it’s on your back to call it quits and move on. Think about it, if she can’t commit to you as a real boyfriend, what does she want you for? A sideline pool boy or gardener. You know, the hired help that aren’t good enough for a relationship,

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WATCH THIS! Our “Happy” Dance Will Make You Smile!

WATCH THIS! Our "Happy" Dance Will Make You Smile!

If you enjoyed our “Happy” Dance and it made you smile! 🙂 🙂 🙂 CLICK HERE to LIKE the Joan Jerkovich Facebook Page!  

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Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Six months before my mother died we had a falling out. Before we got back to repairing our relationship she passed away suddenly from a heart attack. It’s been an emotional up and down roller coaster. I never really got to talk to her and say goodbye as she had stopped talking to me six months. Every day I wake up and am constantly thinking I can’t believe that she’s gone. It’s been hardest knowing we were not on speaking terms when she died and I can’t take that back. I feel so guilty, any help?                  I’m so sorry for your loss and this has to be incredibly hard and conflicted based on the way things happened. Of course, if either you or your mother could have known she would be taken away suddenly, you would have healed your relationship before that time.                This is so sad, and the last thing I would want you to do is get down on yourself or judge yourself harshly for living this “emotional up and down roller coaster” as you call it. Grieving takes time. Allow yourself all the time you need to get through this but if you feel you are getting “stuck” in grief, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a pastor, counselor, or find a grief support group.                Here is something to keep in mind as you try to move forward: Look at your relationship as a whole. Hold dear in your heart the connection and love that you and your mother had through her whole life, not just these last months. Celebrate in your memories the beauty of what you had together. Be grateful for the good things your relationship held for both of you.                Don’t focus on the rift you had just

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Couples Commit to Children But Not Marriage?

Couples Commit to Children But Not Marriage?

I find it puzzling that couples today think it’s less of a commitment to have a child together, than to get married. They don’t hesitate to commit to having a child together. They hesitate to get married. That doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe this is more of a comment than a question. Thanks for letting me voice my opinion on this. Thumbs up commenter, I’m giving you a “like”! I know that I’m old school, but this social trend of couples opting to have children outside of the commitment of marriage, doesn’t make sense to me either. That said, do I accept this as a fact of life in today’s society? Yes. Let’s talk some more about this… Think back to the stories of yesteryear where couples rushed to the altar upon finding out that they were pregnant. They were hoping to squeeze in a wedding, in the white wedding dress, before the pregnancy showed. Then, when the baby was born, oh so soon after the wedding, everyone was counting on their fingers to nine…oops!…eight months!! No, the baby wasn’t a preemie. Yep, it was a “shotgun wedding”, as they used to call it. (That’s one I haven’t heard in a while and certainly shows my age!) What I think has changed with our society today, is that young people have witnessed so much divorce that they fear divorce more than they fear the responsibilities of parenthood? Or, they see marriage and having children as two separate life events? They don’t see them as connected like people used to years ago, with the notion that first comes marriage, then the baby carriage. Or, it’s the changes to the way children are conceived and born today, such as with sperm banks, turkey basters and surrogates or gestational carriers? See, even

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Famous Liars, Infamous Lies

Famous Liars, Infamous Lies

Can you match up these famous liars with their infamous lies? Check your answers and comment on how many of the 14 lies you correctly matched with the liar! Have your friends and co-workers see how many liars they can identify. I won’t be surprised if I see a few “local” lies being ratted out in the anonymous comments! ~ Joan     Regarding his investigation for corruption:  “whether you tape me privately or publicly, I can tell you that whatever I say is always lawful and the things I’m interested in are always lawful.”  Rod Blagojevich-then Governor, D-Ill. Regarding rumors of his extramarital affair, first published in the National Enquirer: “tabloid trash.” Also lied about fathering a child with his mistress as later proven with DNA testing.  John Edwards Regarding the release of lewd photos the married congressman sent to women over the Internet:  “This was a hoax. It was committed on me, it was a prank, it was a relatively easy one to do, making fun of my name.”  Anthony Weiner While dodging rumors of an extramarital affair while running for the Democratic nomination in 1987: “follow me around. I don’t care. … I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They’d be very bored.”  Sen. Gary Hart, D-Colo After reports surfaced of an affair with former White House intern: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”  Bill Clinton Delivered his infamous lie on November 17, 1973:  “I am not a crook,”  Richard Nixon In a 2007 sting operation at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport after sexually soliciting an undercover officer. When explaining why he slid his foot under the bathroom stall to tap the foot of the officer in the adjacent stall, Craig famously explained he had a “wide stance” and

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Wife Won’t Have Sex?

Wife Won’t Have Sex?

My wife and I have been married for 13+ years.  As of 4 years ago, all physical relations stopped. She says she loves me but not in that way. Help please. Your question makes me sad. If expressing your love sexually within your marriage is important to you, but your wife has shut you out, she needs to realize that this expression of love is as important to your relationship as hugs, kisses, sharing your paycheck, raising your children and making a life and home together. Ask her how she would feel if you told her you still love her, but not in the way that leaves you feeling like you need to get up and go to work each day to help support her and the family?  Assuming you fulfilled your role as the responsible, faithful husband for 13+ years, would she agree to your stopping being responsible and faithful?  Have you put in your time, and done enough in this relationship, that you are now at liberty to shut down and shut her out of the things that she values in your marriage? I should hope not. While one might think this is only a man’s problem, there are also husbands who have no desire for sex. I’ve heard from both women and men who’ve struggled with a spouse who shut down sexually.  Statistically, about one man to every five women will not have an active libido. In the battle of the sexes, women are most likely to use sex to catch a man and to have children, only to shut down once those feats are accomplished; and men often withhold sex if they are using it as a controlling (abusive?) tactic, or they lack libido due to drug abuse, or they have depression or other health problems. 

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Feeling Used by Friends?

Feeling Used by Friends?

I’m a college student that is questioning her friendship with her closest friends. My friends are at different colleges in different cities. In the past three months, I planned three birthday parties, where I paid for all the expenses, and allowed the friends to stay over at my apartment. They left my apartment a mess. For the past three months, they always say, “Oh, I’ll pay you back,” but they brush it off when I bring it up. I don’t want to be that one person who constantly nags at her friends. I feel like they use me. I recently deactivated my Facebook account; my phone gets bombarded with text messages asking why I deactivated the account. I told my friends that I needed a break from social media and a break from them, but they didn’t like that response. They are now mad at me for doing such a crime, when I simply needed a break from them. I love my friends, but they simply ask so much of me, and they don’t even know it. How can I make them understand that I am not the leader of the group; I want everyone’s involvement when we plan activities. I don’t want them to rely on me for planning activities or paying for the expenses. There are times when I just question my friendship with them. Of course you question the rules of friendship with this group of queen bees. You have gotten yourself in to a bit of a mess with your friends, but don’t despair; there is a way out of this corner you’ve backed yourself in to. First, do you really want to turn in your resignation as the friend who does all the party planning?  Or do you just need to take a break from

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