Empowering Talk Radio

Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Feeling Used by Friends?

Feeling Used by Friends?

I’m a college student that is questioning her friendship with her closest friends. My friends are at different colleges in different cities. In the past three months, I planned three birthday parties, where I paid for all the expenses, and allowed the friends to stay over at my apartment. They left my apartment a mess. For the past three months, they always say, “Oh, I’ll pay you back,” but they brush it off when I bring it up. I don’t want to be that one person who constantly nags at her friends. I feel like they use me. I recently deactivated my Facebook account; my phone gets bombarded with text messages asking why I deactivated the account. I told my friends that I needed a break from social media and a break from them, but they didn’t like that response. They are now mad at me for doing such a crime, when I simply needed a break from them. I love my friends, but they simply ask so much of me, and they don’t even know it. How can I make them understand that I am not the leader of the group; I want everyone’s involvement when we plan activities. I don’t want them to rely on me for planning activities or paying for the expenses. There are times when I just question my friendship with them. Of course you question the rules of friendship with this group of queen bees. You have gotten yourself in to a bit of a mess with your friends, but don’t despair; there is a way out of this corner you’ve backed yourself in to. First, do you really want to turn in your resignation as the friend who does all the party planning?  Or do you just need to take a break from

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Helping a Suicidal Friend?

Helping a Suicidal Friend?

My friend always dumps his negative energy on me.  I know he’s been down but when I make suggestions for him to go to counseling he won’t go.  The other night he called me to say he was feeling suicidal.  He talked about this for a while but ended our conversation saying that he didn’t think he would do it, commit suicide, right now, but maybe he would in two or three years.  Then he ended our conversation. I was really worried about him, and if he didn’t live out of state, I would have driven over to his apartment to check on him.  Instead, all I could do was keep trying to call him. He didn’t answer his phone all night and I was worried sick!  I finally got through to him the next day and he said he had just turned his phone off and went to bed.  He was sleeping while I was beside myself with worry. I’m starting to resent his dumping all of his negative energy on me, not doing the things he can to help himself, and with this last incidence of him turning his phone off, I feel like I’m doing all the work in this friendship. I want to help and be there for him but it’s difficult for me. What should I do? When someone talks about suicide, you must always take that seriously. You need to encourage them to get help, see their Doctor, or if things are immediately dangerous, go to the Emergency Room.  If the situation is dire and you have a real sense that this is very serious, arrange for someone to be present with your friend.  Someone needs to go to their home or apartment to check on them, sit with them, and encourage them to

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New Hires Making More Money?

New Hires Making More Money?

I’ve been working at this company for 7 years and just recently found out that the two new people who just got hired are both making more money than I am.  Their jobs are similar to mine so I don’t see why they are making more money.  I would think that my years of experience should speak for something.  I’m really unhappy about this but don’t know what to do. Here’s what you do.  You go to your boss or supervisor and ask for a raise.  No kidding!  And here’s how you do this… Make a plan for how you are going to ask for this raise.  You know your boss and the personal dynamics of your work situation, so keep that in mind as you strategize how to go about this.  Do you think you should point out that you know the new hires are making more money than you are? I don’t see any problem in telling them that’s what you’ve been told. Do you need to put something in writing that points out all that you do for the company? Toot your own horn.  If you don’t, who will? Do you think the face-to-face approach works best with your boss?  Plan for that in-person meeting but carry with you your written request for a raise.  Be sure to leave that on their desk after your conversation. As a boss, I’m always impressed with an employee who is willing to do more for the company as a way of asking for a raise.  Are you willing to take on new tasks and new responsibilities assuming, of course, that your current job allows time for them? Taking on a new task can be as simple as keeping office supplies stocked or helping shred documents or tidying up the break

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Breaking News? Division 1 Football Player Tells Dad He is Gay

Breaking News? Division 1 Football Player Tells Dad He is Gay

Is a football player coming out breaking news? Or is the real story, the story of a Father’s unconditional love? Bill is so proud of his son. In talking about him, he calls him the “male-est” dude you can find who, as a Junior in college plays football for his Division 1 College Team. But football isn’t the only thing Dad is proud of; he calls his son “a brilliant child” who is “going to have a hand in changing the world”. It’s pretty awesome to hear a Dad speak of his son with such admiration! So, when Bill’s son, home from college for a visit during spring break, said that he wanted to go for a walk and have a conversation, this Dad could tell that his son wanted to tell him something. They started their walk around the block, but soon enough, Bill realized that his son kept stalling for time. He was hesitant to tell his Dad his news, and his Dad was bracing himself to hear that his young son had gotten a girl pregnant! Like father, like son. Bill was 15 when he fathered this, his oldest child, who is now both a star in his eyes and on the football field. Finally, after enough time had gone by, Bill asked his son what it was he wanted to tell him. He’d had enough time to think about how the family was going to handle a surprise pregnancy, so when his son said, “I’m Gay” the first thing Bill did was laugh. He, in all honesty, thought his son was kidding! When his son asked him why he was laughing, Bill soon realized that this was no joke. Bill was blindsided by this news. This news came as a complete shock. It came out of

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Stressed Over Tight Budget?

Stressed Over Tight Budget?

We are on such a tight budget that whenever we go out as a family for dinner and a movie I leave wondering if we shouldn’t have just stayed home to eat and watch a movie on TV.  It’s fun to go out but it also stresses me because we really can’t afford it.  How do I decide what to do when money is so tight? When you’re struggling to make the dollars stretch, you can diminish the anxiety you feel by sitting down and making a plan for what amount you can spend on entertainment.  I know its not fun to have to work within a budget, but if you don’t, and find that the $60 you spent on an evening out was needed to pay the rent, you will feel stress.  Write down all the money you have coming in on one column on a sheet of paper.  Then, on the opposite side, write down all the fixed expenses you have such as rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, food.  Give them an estimate if need be.  I believe in holding back a percentage for an “emergency fund”, so add that in to your expense column.  Now do the math and see what you have left. Once you’ve done this you will have a clearer picture of how much “discretionary” income you have left to use for entertainment or whatever fun things you enjoy in life. Budgets aren’t fun, but when you’re as stretched as you sound to be, they are even more necessary.  Think about working with a budget and living within what you can afford as a huge way you can relieve your stress.  How often have you stressed about not having enough money to pay your bills?  This will take a conscious effort on your part

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Aggravated by Ex Ogling Women?

Aggravated by Ex Ogling Women?

My Ex husband ogles other women in front of me, and I think he does it just to annoy and aggravate me.  We’ve been legally separated for years but still spend time together with our daughter.  I don’t leave him alone with her.  The only reason we’re not divorced is that we can’t afford it.  I know he’d take me back in a heartbeat but I’m done with him.  When he flirts with other women in front of me my first thoughts are “Are you for real” and “what a fool, do you really think they’re interested in you?”  Just hearing his voice aggravates me.  He’s so annoying.  He knows his flirting aggravates me. What can I do about it? Here’s what you need to do.  Even though this will be hard and you will have to pull out your acting skills, you need to not let him see that this bothers you.  When you see him flirting with other women or ogling them, act like it doesn’t bother you in the least.  Keep a smile plastered on your face and keep your body language soft.  Don’t go rigid and tense up.  He will sense that and probably gloat inside that he got to you.  If you need to, distract yourself.  Pull out your smart phone and read through your texts, or at least pretend you are.  Walk away from the situation and let him flirt away.  Out of sight, out of mind. The bigger issue here may be why, if you’ve been separated for years, you’re not legally divorced.  Even though you say you can’t afford it, we do find money for the things we really want.  Other issues may be why you don’t think he can spend time alone with your daughter.  Explore options for allowing them their

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Parents Freak Out over Living Together?

Parents Freak Out over Living Together?

My parents live out in Illinois and I live near NYC. I have been living with my boyfriend for the past 6 months and it has been fine, but now my mom wants to visit for a mother/daughter weekend. My parents are already upset that I did not come back to Illinois after graduating college. I mentioned that I might want to move in with my boyfriend and they freaked out saying that I would turn into a dependent and sad woman. I decided to move in with him but told my parents that he just stays on the weekends and still lives with his parents for the weekdays. I hate confrontation with my parents, but my mother wants to visit in the next couple of months. What should I do? If you have become a dependent and sad woman, just for living with your boyfriend, you are not alone. According to a survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, nearly half (50%) of women aged 14 to 44 years old “cohabited” outside of marriage between 2006 and 2010. Those numbers are likely higher today. Do I think that living together makes you, and half of all women in relationships, “dependent and sad”? Hell No! Read on… At some point in time you will want to stand up for yourself as an adult who makes her own decisions in life, and be the adult who is willing to live with the consequences of those decisions. If now is the time to tell your parents you are living with your boyfriend, or not, is a question only you can answer. One thing you may want to consider is when will there be a better time to take a stand with this decision you have made? Will the confrontation be

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Co-worker Degrading to Women?

Co-worker Degrading to Women?

I’ve been working at my first job out of college for about a year now, and this past week I’ve been asked to train a new hire. He’s about my same age and it didn’t take long for me to realize that he doesn’t respect the intelligence of women. He questioned the instructions I gave him then tried to tell me how things should be done. I didn’t quite understand his question and when I asked him to explain further he came back with a response that was something like, “you, with your small, female brain, couldn’t understand”. Although shocked, I was quick enough to tell him he should monitor what he says as that won’t serve him well. My question is this, should I tell my supervisor about his attitude toward women? Seriously? What a douche-bag! I’m sorry you have to work with, much less train, such a misogynist (person who hates, dislike, mistrusts, or mistreats women)! I applaud you for speaking up with confidence and for confronting him in a professional way. These comments can catch you off guard, but you handled it well. You-go-girl! Think to tell your supervisor if his degrading comments persist. I’m a believer in trying to fix problems on your own before running to management. Keep a record of these interactions so that if need be you will have documentation of the dates, times and what was said. If you notice him speaking to other women in the company in a similar fashion, talk with them about this problem. If you decide together to speak to management, there is power in numbers and you are less likely to come up against a “he said/she said” scenario. If his comments border on threatening or sexually harassing, don’t hesitate to get your supervisor involved. They

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Workaholism Ruining Relationship?

Workaholism Ruining Relationship?

My girlfriend is unhappy about how many hours I work.  I’m an entrepreneur with multiple business ventures and keeping track of my businesses and employees does roll over into my personal life.  I’m concerned because I believe this was part of the reason for my divorce.  I know I’m a workaholic, but don’t know how to slow down.  Any advice? Just do it!  You’re the boss.  You don’t have to ask permission to cut back on your 80++ hour workweeks.  The work will still get done.  All bosses have the same number of hours in a day.  Not all successful entrepreneurs work the long hours you do.  Your employees may find out that they are able to make decisions in your absence…yadda…yadda…yadda… If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years in business it’s that there’s always tomorrow.  As the boss you have complete control over your schedule so take charge of your life!  You know what it is you need to prioritize.  You know where you need to delegate more.  You know where your work habits are inefficient. You know when you’re focusing too much on work at the expense of your personal life.  You know when your butt has overstayed its welcome in your office chair and it’s time to go home.  You know when it’s time to shut off your smart phone…so…just do it! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Are you willing to risk losing another relationship over your workaholic habits? What negative gloom and doom thoughts does your mind conjure up when you do take time off from work? What is the worst that can happen if you turn your smart phone off for the evening?

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Abusive Boyfriend?

Abusive Boyfriend?

My boyfriend & baby’s daddy doesn’t see the emotional & mental abuse he was/is subject to from his parents, his dad mostly. He is now carrying that over into our child’s life. There was a lot of manipulation & control the 1st 3 years of our relationship, by his parents & him. It only gets physical when he is drinking or taking his prescription alprazolam (Xanax). I’m not sure what to do? Just the fact that you’re questioning how this relationship is working for you is the first step toward opening your eyes to your reality.  When you’re living with an abusive person, just as your boyfriend did growing up with abusive parents, sometimes just to survive you close your eyes to the reality of your situation.  It’s called denial.  You don’t see what’s really going on because it’s too painful, or you don’t want to have to deal with it, or you think it will change.  Also, it makes sense that the parenting your boyfriend saw growing up is how he is now treating your child, especially if he doesn’t see it as abusive. Have you talked to him about getting help?  Have you thought about removing yourself and your child from this abusive situation?  Abuse is a very difficult thing to pull yourself away from, especially when you’ve lived with it for so many years.  I get that, and so do the wonderful people who work with domestic violence victims every day in their communities.  Reach out to them and they will help you and support you.  You’re in a tough situation, and while I’d like to tell you to “get out”, I know how difficult that decision can be. As a mother, even if you find “getting out” hard to do for yourself, do this for your

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