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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Appreciated by Boss?

Appreciated by Boss?

I’ve been working long hours and feel that I’m a good employee.  I get frustrated when I don’t feel appreciated by my boss.  Once in a while I’d like to hear how I’m doing or if I’m doing a good job.  When the hours get really long is when I most want to hear something positive.  Is it ever a good idea to ask my boss how I’m doing? Absolutely!  This is a great question because as a boss myself, I know I don’t always do a good job of showing appreciation to my employees.  Let me tell you about this from my perspective as a boss; the “other side of the desk” so to speak.  Sometimes, even when I want to compliment my employees, I don’t want the compliments to feel insincere, so I second guess how often, and when, and if, and over what issues, to compliment them on a job well done. Silly as that may sound, we bosses don’t always have the answers, nor do we always do the right thing by our employees.  The other challenge a boss or supervisor has is to tailor the appreciation to make it meaningful for each employee.  Different employees are complimented and motivated by different approaches. If you’re wondering how you’re doing on the job, schedule a time to talk with your boss.  If you’re making a formal time to meet, out of courtesy, give your boss an idea of what you want to discuss.  This will keep the meeting focused and can help your boss consider things they too may want to plan for discussion.  If your boss has an open-door policy, step into their office and start the conversation rolling.  If you have needs at work that you feel are not getting met, even a need for

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Bored with Daily Routine?

Bored with Daily Routine?

There are just days when I feel like I’m that hamster on a treadmill.  My days seem to run in to each other, start the same and stop the same day after day, and I’m starting to wonder if I need a change.  I like my job and my life ok; it just starts to seem boring, like I’m living the same day over and over again.  Is this all I have to look forward to?  I can’t imagine living the next 10 years on the same treadmill. Yes, you certainly do sound bored, but this Life Coach never has sympathy for anyone who is bored.  There is so much of life out there to live, grab hold of, experience or tackle that this boredom you talk about rests solely on your shoulders.  It doesn’t sound like you’re interested in a career change or major life change so try this on for size:  Make some small changes to mix things up. What am I talking about here?  Take a look at how you meander mindlessly through life, and then let’s look at how you can make some changes to your work habits. Take a different route to work.  Wear something different than your usual, how about a hat to shock your co-workers?  Change up your work routines such as answer emails or phone calls at a different time of day.  Rearrange your desk and workspace.  Bring in some new pictures for your desk.  Spend some time getting to know a co-worker you rarely talk to.  You get the idea, and I bet you can come up with many more. At home, try something different than your usual TV or Facebook or mindless eating to relax and zone out.  Search out what’s happening in your community this weekend and resolve to

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Female Fertility Clock Ticking?

Female Fertility Clock Ticking?

I saw your post “Tired of Being Single” and have to say that this is a whole different issue when you’re female and your clock is ticking.  Thoughts? News Flash!  Research is now showing that having children when you’re 35 to 40 years old and up carry concerns for both sexes.  Not only does fertility decrease for both men and women over the age of 35, but the risks of having a baby with a genetic abnormality also increases sharply (webmd.com). Thoughts? This is a distressing issue for women.  It’s very real and causes women who want children, but aren’t meeting Mr. Right, lots of angst.  The ticking clock is also what prompts some women to turn to sperm banks or sperm donors.  If you’re considering doing this you’ll want to read my blog on sperm donors because there are lots of things to consider before going that route.  Assuming your religious beliefs don’t prohibit it, finding a sperm donor is an option for women to explore before their chances of conceiving run to zero. This issue has never seemed fair to women as even though there are risks associated with older men fathering children, we do still see those older men with younger women starting families.  It’s one thing for men to carry higher risk, it’s another thing for women to miss the mark of fertility all together. This whole issue just really sucks for women, as most wouldn’t choose to be childless or a single mother for life but, then again, some don’t have any other option. There will come a time when your clock ticks out and you’ll have to accept that having children wasn’t meant to happen in your life.  This can be devastating for women and emotionally difficult to accept.  You will grieve your loss,

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Friend Always Backs out of Plans?

Friend Always Backs out of Plans?

I have a friend that always seems excited to make plans to go out but then at the last minute backs out of our plans with some lame excuse or doesn’t show up.  She’s lots of fun but should I just give up on making plans with her? If this friend has shown you often enough that she can’t be counted on, that her word and promises don’t have sticking power, then you don’t need to completely exclude her from your plans, but don’t hope for her to change her habits any time soon either.  Make plans with her where other people are involved so that it doesn’t really matter if she shows up or not.  If you have plans for just the two of you to meet, expect that she may not follow through so get ready to launch your Plan B.  Your plan B could be lunch on your own or browsing through a local museum or treating yourself to something you normally wouldn’t. Your other option is to confront her behavior to see if she’ll respect your friendship enough to quit standing you up.  A word of warning here, even if she does a better job in the short-term, do not count on her behavior changing for the long haul.  You could also quit making plans with her and drop her off of your friends list.  I’m guessing you’ve already relegated this friendship to your “C” or “D” lists, so you may not miss her company much after all. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ How much does this friendship mean to you? Do you think there is a possibility she will change if you confront her behavior? What other friendships could you spend time strengthening, instead of getting the run around from this one, undependable

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Tired of being single?

Tired of being single?

I’m tired of being single.  My life is good but I would like someone special to share it with. Thoughts? Go to my talk show archives and listen to the callers, men and women, who have called with this very issue.  There have been so many that I’ve thought I should start my own dating site!  Here’s a synopsis of what we’ve talked about: First, you can’t expect to meet someone sitting on your couch at home playing video games.  You have to get out and meet people, but the most fruitful place to find people who may be compatible with you are introductions through friends and family.  If you make being single look so easy and comfortable, maybe they don’t know you’re still looking? Make sure your friends know you are open to their matchmaking.  Also, get involved in organizations that interest you.  Widen your circle of friends from all walks of life; men and women, single and married.  The more you network and meet new people the more you’re likely to meet someone you’re interested in dating.  The men I’ve talked to about finding women to date liken it to sports.  After a while it’s all a numbers game. My thoughts? Single or not, make your life the best life ever.  I’d be lying to you if I said to hold your chin up because your “someone special” is just out there waiting for you.  The truth is, you may never find that special person for a long-term relationship.  Here’s a way to help feel better about being single. Look around and see all the people you know who are happily single, or happily never married or (worse) in a miserable relationship.  Live your best life, make it your own, and if you want to find someone special you

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Boyfriend Friendly With Ex?

Boyfriend Friendly With Ex?

My new boyfriend has a very friendly relationship with his ex wife and it bothers me.  They get together for dinners out and talk on the phone often, but he assures me its nothing more.  I believe him, but the time he devotes to their friendship still bothers me.  There are no children so I feel like there’s no reason for them to keep in such close touch.  I’ve been trying to be the understanding girlfriend but now that we’re getting more serious it’s starting to bother me more.  Can I ask him to not see her because it bothers me?  My ex cheated on me so I know I’m more sensitive to this possibility. Yes, you can ask your boyfriend to not spend time with his ex, but let me know how that goes?!?  It’s not that this can’t work for you, but you will want to preface your “asking” with some heartfelt conversation first.  Talk to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel when he’s devoting time to his ex instead of you; and how its hard for you to trust because of your baggage of being cheated on; and how, damn-it, you just don’t like sharing him!  Has he invited you along to his dinner dates with his ex?  Have you met her?  Has he told her about you?  How serious is your relationship?  Are you more serious than he is?  Have you had “the (monogamy) talk”? Here’s a good boyfriend test.  If this really bothers you, go ahead and ask him to not see her…at least for a while until the two of you see where your relationship is headed.  A guy who is really serious about you will want to do this for you.  A good guy who will be sensitive and caring of

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Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

Stay at Home Versus Working Mom?

My sister is critical of my decision to work instead of stay home with my two young children.  My husband doesn’t make as much money as hers, so if we want any extras I have to work, plus I enjoy my job and don’t think I have the patience to be at home all day with little ones.  Why do we have to always fight over this? This can be a hot topic among women, with both factions from both sides of the issue digging their stilettos in and holding fast.  The beauty of this dilemma is that women today have choices.  I have talked with older women who wanted to work when their children were young but felt that the social mores of the day frowned upon married women with children working out of the home.  They stayed home with their children but felt unfulfilled.  Today, both women and men can choose to parent from home fulltime.  As more professional women enter the workforce men have become the primary caretakers.  I have a number of women friends who are Doctors and none of us think any less of their husbands who manage the children and household full time.  My one Doctor friend just had a baby and her full-time stay-at-home husband brings the baby to mom’s lunch hour to breastfeed.  How cool is that?! We can’t talk about this subject without thinking of all the single moms and dads who are raising kids without a partner to help.  They don’t have a choice.  They have to work.  It’s tough.  When you do have a choice of what to do, there are pros and cons to both working and staying at home.  See if you can get your sister to call a truce on this topic.  See if she won’t

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Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

Morbid Obesity Prohibits Travel

I love my wife of 26 years but it has been hard watching her gain weight over the years. She is now what her Doctor calls morbidly obese. While I’m happy with our life together and her weight doesn’t cause many problems at home, or we’ve just learned to adjust, when we travel her weight is a problem.  We’re at the point in our lives where we both want to travel but when we recently took a trip I saw her weight gain in a new light.  She could barely keep up on the sight seeing tours.  I know the walking was difficult for her and trying to fit onto a small bus seat was embarrassing, I’m concerned if we tried to fly for a vacation.  What can I do if I want to travel but her weight keeps us at home? I’ve seen her try to lose weight so many times over the years I’m not sure I can hold out hope for that. You sound like the sweetest husband ever and your wife is so lucky to have you!  My first thought about this is that I hope you have talked with her about your concerns.  Of course you have concerns about her weight, but you do have some decisions to make about future travel plans.  Your options are to modify your travel to accommodate your wife’s disability (can I call it that?), or you could also consider traveling alone or find some travel buddies.  I’ve known couples who happily travel alone because their partner doesn’t like to travel and they do, or one has a deathly fear of flying. Being a happy couple is all about negotiating your differences, whatever their causes.  I’m sure you and your wife will find a happy compromise and who knows, maybe

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Living with Boyfriend, Parents Don’t Know

Living with Boyfriend, Parents Don’t Know

My parents are traveling from out of state to visit me and I’ve been living with my boyfriend for the past 6 months. They don’t know we’ve been living together and my problem is that they would not approve. Not only will they not approve, I’m afraid they’d go ballistic if they found out! They’re planning to stay with me at the apartment. What are my options? Put on your big girl panties, you’re going to need them for this one! Basically, you have two options:  1. Hide this from them  2. Tell them The hard part is going to be deciding which to do, so let’s explore how to make this crucial decision. You know your parents and you know yourself. In true Life Coaching form, I will tackle this issue by asking you the questions. You, and only you, know what your decision needs to be. The questions begin… • What will be gained by sneaking around your truth? • What could be gained by telling them? • Is there a chance this could be a first step toward your parents growing to accept that you as an adult are making your own choices? • How do you handle conflict with your parents? • Are you more comfortable keeping the status quo or living your truth? • Is this personal choice worth taking a stand against the morals of your parents? • How might your parents handle this? • Would telling them totally mess with their heads and screw up their vacation? • Would telling them severely damage your relationship with them? • What does your boyfriend think about this dilemma? • Is he OK with being relegated to his buddies couch while they’re in town? (don’t forget to remove his toothbrush and men’s cologne from the bathroom)

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Manipulated by Friend?

Manipulated by Friend?

My mouth always gets me in trouble. I don’t always know when to shut up and just blurt things out when I shouldn’t. My good friend and I talk every day and I appreciate her support because I’ve had a rough year with a divorce and getting back to dating hasn’t gone so well. My problem is that I’m beginning to feel that my friend has been baiting me, manipulating me and getting me to fight her fights. When she has a problem with one of the girls from our group of girlfriends, she will talk to me and tell me things that I now feel are shared hoping that I will be the one to confront our friend. I’m starting to feel like she’s been using me to do her dirty work. Could this be happening and how can I deal with her manipulations? Yes, this could be happening, especially if you are seeing a pattern of this in your friend, but there are many more questions that need answered before jumping to the conclusion that your friend is manipulating you. Manipulation is acting intentionally to control someone. The manipulation can be done through either covert actions, such as talking to two people behind each other’s back to try and turn them against each other, similar to what you describe, or their actions can be more overt. Overt manipulations take the form of angry verbal threats and bully tactics. If any of these actions seem to fit the behavior of your friend, she just may be using you. You ask how you can deal with this and the first thing you need to know is that, generally speaking, you can’t change a manipulator so don’t even try. Don’t waste your time trying to point out their behavior, or how

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