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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Triggering Old Wounds of Abuse

Triggering Old Wounds of Abuse

In my last relationship, I was involved with an abusive man who did drugs and was generally crazy. Recently I had a co-worker, for no reason, talk to me in such an angry, vicious way that it triggered the old feelings of abuse. How do I keep this from happening again? The triggering of old emotional wounds can set you on a downward spiral. You don’t mention how long ago the abuse was, but judging by your reaction, I would say that you were deeply affected by this mistreatment. I’m truly sorry this had to happen to you! Moving beyond abuse can take years, or for some, a lifetime… That said, there are things you can do to minimize those sad, angry, unwanted hurtful feelings when someone mistreats you. First, ask around about this co-worker. I’d place money on the fact that this person has a habit of treating others just like you were treated. Unless you frequently get this type of response from co-workers, know that the problem is not yours~they are the ones with the problem! Other things you can do are build-up your self-esteem by involving yourself with activities, experiences and friends that you find affirming. Do an online search for information on recovering from abuse and building self-esteem. Find the things that make the most sense to your recovery and personal growth, and make them a routine part of your self-care. If you find that things you can do on your own don’t give you the relief you want, schedule an appointment with a licensed counselor. Don’t give up on making this better for yourself…my heart goes out to you. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • Assuming you reported this co-worker to your supervisor, how can you minimize your interactions with them? • What […]

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Teenagers Profiled for Shoplifting?

Teenagers Profiled for Shoplifting?

I’m in high school and I hate it when my friends and I go to stores and feel like we get followed around in the store like we’re shoplifters. We don’t do that kind of thing and I get tired of feeling like we’re getting profiled. We’ve talked about saying something to them (the store clerks), and sort of messing with them, but should we? I don’t want to get in trouble for something I wouldn’t do anyway? You know, your question reminds me of a time when my kids were teenagers and would come home from shopping, and tell me that they felt like they were being profiled. They would get followed around and watched in stores. Like you and your friends, they weren’t shoplifting, but they felt like just because they were teenagers, they were being targeting and watched closely. They talked about how this made them feel angry, frustrated and unfairly treated. I’m sure you and your friends feel kind of the same way. It doesn’t feel fair to be looked at like you’re a criminal when you aren’t doing anything wrong. If it makes you feel any better, recently, I felt like I was being carefully watched for shoplifting at a sidewalk sale. The clothes racks were sitting outside the store so close to the parking lot that it would have been easy to grab a few things and stash them in my car. While looking through the racks, I noticed a store clerk pretending to be shopping close to me while keeping an eye on me. I chuckled to myself because, like you, I don’t shoplift (never have, never will…probably something to do with those Catholic school nuns and the possibility of going to hell…), but I quickly just told myself that she was simply […]

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Still Single at 42?

Still Single at 42?

I’m a 42-year-old male and had always expected to be married with children by now, but after several long-term relationships I’m still single. I keep busy so I’m not lonely, just tired of being alone. Any thoughts? There are 3 thoughts that I’d like to impart: First, while you would love to be married with children, this may not happen for you. Acceptance is key here. Accepting that life hands us challenges that aren’t fair, and piss us off, and make us want to sit on our pity pot and whine all day, is the part of life and living that, simply said, “Sucks”!  Do whatever you need to find acceptance that this is your (current) lot in life. Release your frustration in the gym or go smash some golf balls; then seek acceptance by going inward…dare I say meditation and yoga? Second, live your life for now. Make it enriching, exciting and self-fulfilling. Ponder the benefits of being single, such as, not having to answer to anyone else, not getting in trouble (like your married friends) for eyeing an attractive woman or spending money on yourself. I guarantee that there are elements of your life your married friends envy! Finally, don’t give up on love. Analyze your leisure activities to see how available you are making yourself to meeting women. Let your family and friends know that you are still looking for love as they may think you are content with the single life. If you haven’t been winning at love, change your game. Make meeting women and dating a priority project and approach it as you would a business venture. You know the drill…just do it! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Where can you go inwardly and outwardly to find acceptance? What is on your bucket […]

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Husband Hangs with Questionable Characters?

Husband Hangs with Questionable Characters?

My husband has some questionable friends and family members he hangs out with. Certain people have been known to not be faithful to their wives or significant others, not to mention they are not known to have been law abiding citizens. My husband is a respectable, kind, law abiding, trustworthy person. I trust him 100% but when he is with these certain characters I constantly worry if they are going to talk him into things he normally wouldn’t do. I also worry that he will be with them when they are acting like fools. I have spoken to my husband about these worries and he tells me that he is not a child and he can hold his own and can take care of himself. I obviously can’t tell him to not hang out with these people because some are family and he isn’t my child, so how do I alleviate my worries when he is out? I ran your question past my husband who is a shrink and he had a very different take on an answer. He focused on your anxiety (duh, that’s his specialty) and ways to calm your fears when your husband is out. Sorry, but I can’t remember what he said to tell you because I kinda tuned him out, because I had a different take on your question. And besides, he can get his own damn blog spot…this is mine!! My take on your question falls right in line with your worries. I would worry too. What the hell is your husband doing hanging out with criminals? Adulterers and cheaters I take a softer stance with, even though lying in relationships causes lasting damage, and I’m sure you don’t want that in your marriage. We’ve all heard the saying “birds of a feather flock […]

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Unappreciative Family Members?

Unappreciative Family Members?

I’ve always thought that family should stick together and help each other out, but I’m tired of feeling unappreciated. I’m a single mom raising my son and when my nephew lost his job I let him and his girlfriend move in with me. While I was working and going to school, they were supposed to both be looking for jobs, but I think they spent more time just laying around. They were getting food stamps, but never shared any groceries with me or my son and never helped out around the house. I had been asking them to leave, but things got really nasty and almost came to blows when I told them to clean the kitchen while I was at work. When I came home and it wasn’t done, their excuse was that it wasn’t their mess. I felt they should at least help me out since they’d been living for free with me for so long and neither of them was working. The girlfriend really got in my face so I packed up their stuff, left it on the front porch and locked them out. Other people in the family are telling me I should have known these two would act like this, and that I should have never left them in my house in the first place. I’ve always thought family should help each other out, but now I’m wondering if it was worth it? I know, you hate to stop being that generous person that you are just because of this one bad egg in the family, but let’s talk about how you can balance your generosity with setting personal boundaries. And, by the way, from what you wrote I think you were doing a pretty darn good job of setting expectations and boundaries with these […]

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Mom-zilla, Mother of the Bride

Mom-zilla, Mother of the Bride

My mother is making me so angry because she is trying to make my wedding her own. I’ve told her that my fiancé and I are wanting to make the plans ourselves. We’re both established professionals and are paying for the wedding since I’ve been married before. With the help of a wedding planner, things are coming together nicely. Our biggest problem has become that my mother keeps trying to meddle and stick her nose in to our plans when she has been clearly asked to let us do this ourselves. She even went so far as to call my wedding planner behind my back, telling her that I gave her permission to call and release to her the guest list. When I heard this from the wedding planner I was also told that my mother instructed the wedding planner to hand out the wedding favors she made for the guests. This was not in our plans at all. I got so mad at my mom I confronted her. We were both angry, each of us trying to hold our own ground, and she made the comment that she may not come to my wedding. Even though I know she will be there, her controlling personality won’t let her stay away, I’m so fed up with her right now I’m avoiding talking to her. We’re usually really close and this makes me feel bad. It’s a stress I don’t need before our happy day, so how can I make this less stressful for all of us? You have a real mom-zilla on your hands. I agree with you. Your mom needs to butt out. This is your wedding and not hers, and especially when she is not paying for the festivities, the planning needs to be left to you and […]

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Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

I’ve been trying to break up with my boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to accept the fact that I’d like to remain a friend, but am not interested in being in a relationship anymore. I feel bad about this because he’s kind of a loner, and I’m sort of the only person he’s close to, so I stay in touch. How can I get him to understand I just want to be friends? Your question holds the answer to why he’s clueless about this. If you want him to understand that you’re not a couple, you will need to go cold turkey on him. Stop the phone calls, texts, Facebook messaging and all means of communication. Your “staying in touch” may appear to him that you haven’t really broken up or there’s a chance of getting back to where you used to be as boyfriend/girlfriend. Some couples can pull off the “just friends” routine after a breakup but most cannot. Being friends with a girl is especially hard for guys because…you’ve heard me say it many times before…guys are hard-wired to want to have sex. If there is any hope of turning your relationship in to a friendship, it’s best to have no contact for, let’s say, six months, and then give it a try; but don’t be surprised if he broaches the subject of your being “friends with benefits”. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What do you need to do to remain accountable to the~No Contact~rule for breaking up? If you felt overly responsible for the emotional well being of a boyfriend from a past relationship, how did you get over that feeling and move on? What do you need to do to not feel guilty over leaving him “alone”? The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 […]

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Intimate with Co-worker?

Intimate with Co-worker?

I recently left a job where a coworker and I were intimate. I saw her out last night with another guy. I still have feelings for her but don’t know if I should pursue her. How can I let her know how I feel? Have you tried the communication style of just straight out telling her how you feel? No games, no strings attached, no beating around the bush; but just telling her openly and honestly that you have feelings for her? The tricky part here would seem to be that you saw her out with this other guy. Did it look like they were on a date, or just friends? Either way, you will have to decide for yourself if your feelings for her are strong enough to weather a possible rejection, or move forward with a relationship. Either prospect can be scary. If she does decide to go out with you again you may want to define your relationship. Is this just a “friends with benefits” pairing or do you both agree to move forward in an exclusive relationship? Having “The Talk” sooner versus later seems to be in order. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Are your feelings for this person strong enough to warrant taking the steps to define your relationship? How will you make a plan for telling her how you feel? What will your response be if she rejects you? How will you move your relationship forward if she wants to date? How can you improve the communication you have in relationships? The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other! Tweet

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Work Hard but Can’t Get Ahead?

Work Hard but Can't Get Ahead?

What can I do about the fact that no matter how hard I work I can’t ever seem to get ahead? In these difficult economic times, I hear this all too often… so many people have lost their jobs and are struggling either to find a job or make do in a new job where their pay and benefits have been cut. Lean times come and go (or at least I remain hopeful that better times will again find us), so accept the tried and true saying of “this too shall pass”. Hold on to that hope, but also be practical in taking action to better your chances for getting ahead. Sit down and take the time to objectively analyze why you seem to be working hard, only to be left with so little in your bank account at the end of each month. If you don’t have the facts, you don’t have a starting point from which to better your situation, so write down everything using “Money In” and “Money Out” columns. Be honest with yourself in looking at whether you are overspending for your income. Case studies I’ve heard of people who’ve gotten themselves out of debt, all carried the discipline of closely monitoring the “In” and “Out” columns. Remember too that getting ahead isn’t all about watching your spending~it’s also about looking for a better job, taking a second job, or asking for that long overdue raise (Yes! Even in this economy good employees are getting raises!). Another thing you should seriously consider is going back to school for the training that will bring you a better paying job. Talk with career counselors at your local colleges and vocational schools. They can tell you which employers are hiring right now. I just heard how welders in training […]

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Empty Nest?

 Empty Nest?

My son graduated this year and I’ve been a mess this whole past year just thinking of him leaving for college. I’ve been one of those moms who helped with all the school events and was really involved. I’m not dealing with this very well. This empty nest thing is already worse than I thought. How am I going to get through this? This can be really tough on moms, and some dads have a real tough time with this as well. You will get through this, even if it means having a good cry each day for a while! Give yourself the space and time to process this change. As you let go be mindful that your college student will let you know how much support they need from you their first year away from home. Listen for their cues; some want to hear from you every day and others will tell you to quit calling so often. Continue to support them as you always have, but give them their independence if they’re ready. Approach this change with a positive outlook! Look at this transition as a time to re-create yourself and your life. Use this opportunity to focus on that hobby you set aside, or take that class you always wanted to take. Marriages are often revitalized once the last child leaves home. I know of many couples that see this as their opportunity to travel. I had a friend send me flowers with the simple note “Enjoy” when our youngest left home. After the initial unrest subsides, I expect that you will come to enjoy your newfound freedom! Enjoy! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • What can you do to show kindness and empathy toward yourself (yes!~yourself!) as you go through this difficult time? • […]

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