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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

5 Decisions As Vagabond Uncle Visits For Holiday?

5 Decisions As Vagabond Uncle Visits For Holiday?

Not long ago I received word from my Uncle who’s been living in Hong Kong. He wanted to let me know that he was planning a trip through America this holiday season to visit our family. He’s always lived an alternative vagabond type lifestyle. I had been talking with him through email but now I regret telling him where I live. I just know he’s going to want to crash on my couch for a good amount of time. I don’t want him to. I love my uncle, but I never see him. He’s also been known to have some odd characters with him. He’s quite a character himself and I love hearing his crazy travel stories. I would really like to see him, just not have him staying here. There’s another problem. I just started dating this girl and she would be really weirded out with my Uncle on the couch in my small apartment. I’m afraid he will be hurt if I tell him to find a hotel. What should I do? This is a good time to practice being assertive and to practice some decision-making. Decision #1: Do you want him staying at your apartment? If you’re ok with your world traveler, vagabond uncle skeezing up your place for a few nights, you can quit reading now. You don’t have any further decisions to make. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as if you don’t want your Uncle staying even one night in your apartment. If you don’t want him camping out at your place, you will have to be prepared to hold fast to that decision. If he’s known for crashing on couches across the country and mooching off his hosts, prepare yourself for some crazy antics that may net him a few nights of […]

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Can’t Find A Girlfriend?

Can’t Find A Girlfriend?

However much I try I just cannot find a girlfriend. I usually manage to get dates but none of the women ever seem much interested afterward. They just tell me that I’m a nice guy but they just don’t feel “that” way about me. I’ve taken dates to romantic dinners with limousine chaperones. I’ve had picnics on the beach with everything perfectly planned like champagne and caviar. I even took one date for a weekend getaway to New York. After the first couple dates I just don’t hear anything back. I’m constantly checking my Internet dating profile and working it like I would a part time job. I’m trying so hard! I think I’m a decent looking well-groomed guy. What am I doing wrong? It sounds like you need a dating coach who can watch how you act on dates, and one who can also interview the girls you’ve been out with to see what may be going awry. There may be things you can work to change, or you may not have met your match just yet. Finding a girlfriend is often a numbers game and you are certainly putting yourself out there with dating when, as you say, you work the Internet dating like a part time job. Without more information coming from you, the only red flag I read in to your question is that you may be trying too hard? When you talk about only having a couple of dates before they lose interest, yet you pull out all the stops with limousines and caviar and get-aways to New York, I would suggest you scale back those first dates to coffee or a quick drink after work. Take it slower. See if there’s a connection before you plan the showy, extravagant date. Too much too soon […]

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Feelings for Friend of Ex?

Feelings for Friend of Ex?

I just left my boyfriend of 5 years. He was verbally abusive and his drinking became a problem. He has a horrible temper. Anyways, one of his friends is a sweet guy who was always looking out for me but I can’t tell if he likes me in a romantic way. I’m pretty sure I have feelings for him though. He hangs out with my ex a lot still. The other night I even thought he tried calling me but when I answered he hung up. Something’s going on here. I’m really feeling like texting him to hang out. Should I take a chance with him? Yes, my dear, and what are you waiting for? It sounds like you already have a friendship with him, so why couldn’t you just reach out as a friend? Just this morning, as I write this blog, I was talking with two young men in my own family who talked about how their friendship turned in to love. One just got married, and the other engaged, to their girl-friend. Both had been just friends for about 5 years before their relationship took a romantic turn. These two young men were talking about how they really liked having a friendship first. They felt it made for a more solid relationship, and I agree. While you obviously have stronger feelings for this friend, I suggest that you take the romantic part slow. I know I’m old-school, and I think you should reach out for friendship, but let him take the lead in the romance department. By nature, men are hunters. Give him the hunt his gender is biologically geared toward. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you drive him away. Men enjoy the chase, the pursuit. While they may respond to “the bird in […]

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Troubled Teen Needs Father Figure?

Troubled Teen Needs Father Figure?

I cannot get my teenage son under control! He’s always getting in trouble in school, hangs out with the wrong crowd, and will not listen to me. 2 years ago his father and I divorced in an ugly situation where his Dad was caught having an affair. His Dad rarely calls and I feel so bad for my son and his younger brother. I feel like he could use a good male role model but my family lives many hours away. What can I do to make his situation better? A pet peeve of mine is Dads who abandon their children, or take little interest in them, after a divorce. Your sons still need their Dad, but he is taking the self-centered, easy way out by rarely connecting with his sons. The most frequent excuse I hear Dad’s make is how their ex-wife is making it difficult to see the children, or how she has turned the kids against him. Whether that is true or not, children still need their fathers, and the Dads I admire will fight for their time with their kids after a Divorce. Enough of my judgmental ranting! A way to bring a male role model to your son would be to involve him in extracurricular school activities. Besides sports, there is music, theatre, debate, forensics, and many other clubs that your son could get involved in. Male coaches and teachers are real heroes in my eyes in that many of them take lost boys, such as your son, and provide that positive male role model you’re looking for. A side benefit of getting him involved in outside activities that he likes would be that it could introduce him to a different set of friends. He may find a new crowd to hang out with. Not […]

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Young Mother of Three Overwhelmed?

Young Mother of Three Overwhelmed?

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have 3 kids aged 4, 2, and a new baby. I have been at my career job for 10 years. I have always tried to help with housework as much as possible. Lately, my wife has been feeling overwhelmed with taking care of the kids and keeping up the house. She’s starting to take it out on me and saying personal attacks towards me. These attacks are very hurtful. I’m worried things could fall apart soon with our marriage. What should I do? Wow! Sounds like your wife could use some help, or at the very least a Mom’s day out! Seriously, your question could be pointing to the tip of the iceberg. With a new baby, the change in your wife could point to postpartum depression, a condition where you must report this change to her Doctor. The personal attacks you speak of could be coming from her fatigue and feeling overwhelmed, or it can be more serious. Let her Doctor help you keep an eye on this probability because a postpartum depression can put both your wife and children at risk. Regardless, your wife does need more help. While you are doing all you can, you may need to look at bringing in outside help for a period of time. Maybe there’s a family member who can help her out, or someone from your church. You can always look to hire a temporary housekeeper or childcare help. Maybe there’s a preschool you can send your oldest to that will give your wife a break. Two are easier to care for than three. Also, help your wife sort through the tasks that are absolutely necessary from those household duties that are not. Let her know that it’s […]

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Afraid to Start New Empty Nest Hobby?

Afraid to Start New Empty Nest Hobby?

I really want to learn to play the piano but I feel so overwhelmed. I’m middle aged and I’ve always heard, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. I’ve wanted to play since I was a boy but life happened. I got my wife pregnant in high school and we married and I started working the family business. Now that my 3 kids are off to college I feel like I finally have the time. My problem is just finding the courage to start something new. What would help me boost my confidence? You’re finding yourself in a situation many parents encounter once their children go off to college. Those last years of high school, especially the senior year, are intensely time consuming for parents. If your children are involved in any outside activities that you plan to attend, your time is not your own. Then, especially after the last child leaves, there is a hole in your life. Your home feels empty and vacant. It is a time of sadness but it can also be a time in which you can discover new things. You can now focus on the things you’ve always wanted to do, but set aside for your family, such as learning to play the piano. We’ve all heard that saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”, but I call that saying poppy-cock! I give that saying a bullshit rating. When we look at the celebrities in their 70’s and 80’s who regularly post of twitter, we know that there’s no age limit to the ability to learn. Heck, my mother who’s in her 80’s, has an iPad! It’s taken her a while to catch on, but I love her enthusiasm for learning something new! I think we need to look to the […]

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Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Whenever my husband and I have guests over for dinner, the party enjoys several glasses of wine. I, however, don’t drink and it’s common knowledge. As the evening wears on my husband and our guests become more and more animated and silly. To be honest, I begin to get very bored with the conversation and antics by the second hour. Our friends are such interesting people when they’re not drinking and I really wish they could just hold off for a night. The problem is my husband is usually the instigator of the partying. How can I tell him that these dinner parties are boring for me without ruining everyone else’s fun? So, you have to put up with a little boredom and silly, tipsy, antics for an evening? Is it worth it to keep these interesting friends in your life? Is your husband, whom you call “the instigator”, your bigger problem? When you have guests over for dinner, as the host, you get to call the shots. You get to decide how much alcohol you will, or will not, serve. Do you offer plenty of non-alcoholic options? If so, many social drinkers will mix a non-alcoholic drink in with their glass of wine. Or, would you rather have a non-drinking dinner party? The choice is yours. While your friends may prefer to have wine with their dinner, I’m sure that if the food and conversation are good they will still attend your dinner parties if alcohol is not served. It seems that your bigger issue is with your husband. Why are you afraid to talk to him about this? If he wants to serve alcohol, is there a middle ground where the two of you can find a compromise? Can you only serve wine with the meal? Can you […]

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Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

I recently went to the movies with some friends and one of them kept talking through the entire movie. I think he thought he was being funny but all of us were just really annoyed. Some of the other people in the audience were annoyed too because they kept looking over at us. I’m new to this group of friends and don’t feel comfortable telling him to shut up. Apparently none of the others did either because we suffered through the whole show. I really want to stay friends with the others but this guy is always in tow. Should I say something? You have a real dilemma on your hands since you’re trying to fit in to this new group of friends. You came to the right person with your question! I’m an absolute movie buff. It’s not unheard of for my husband and I to attend three movies, at the theatre, in one weekend! We both love movies and I’ve had my share of people sit beside me who are talking, or texting, or chewing their popcorn so loudly I feel like I’m not at the movies, but sitting next to a barnyard pig trough! I’ve also had to move because someone had such terrible B.O. (body odor) I was gagging. Or then there’s the person who falls asleep and snores through the movie. But, the most distressing movie patrons I’ve ever run in to (and I’ve blogged on this before) was the parents who brought their young girl, she was probably about 7 years old, to the “Wolverine” movie and the little girl was crying and hiding in her seat she was so scared. They didn’t leave with her through the whole movie. They just let her sit there terrified. There’s a reason movies have age ratings! […]

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Family Reject Vegan-only Thanksgiving Dinner?

Family Reject Vegan-only Thanksgiving Dinner?

Thanksgiving is approaching and I’ve been trying to lose weight the past 6 months. I’ve gone vegan during that time and I’ve been pretty successful! Every year, our family always has the biggest dinner celebrations. This year dinner will be at my house and I would like to make a vegan feast for everyone. I’ve been researching some great vegan recipes and I think they will be pleasantly surprised at how good vegan cooking can be. We usually send out an RSVP invitation through email to everyone. I want to tell them not to bring meat or animal products of any kind because of my newfound dietary exploration. The thing is, no one but my Mother knows about my diet. My Mom is known for having a big mouth and will inevitably spill the beans on the “surprise” dinner. How can I make sure that I’m not the only one at the table for Thanksgiving dinner? When in Rome…do as the Romans do. When invited to a vegan feast…eat vegan! Pull on your big girl panties (or big boy tidy whities) and send out the invite telling your family not to bring the flesh of the beast, or beastly products of any kind, to your dinner. You’re the host! You can make this party your own and serve vegan. Who knows? You may turn some of your family into converts? At the very least, you will be introducing them to a new way of thinking about food, and you may turn them on to some tasty dishes to boot! Years ago, I went with a friend to a yoga retreat in the mountains. She forewarned me that the only food they served was vegetarian. I was up for it, even though I thought I would miss my staple meat products. […]

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Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

I’m a senior woman living alone in the home I’ve been in for 40 years. My husband passed away years ago and I have my grandkids stop by periodically to help out around the house. Lately, I’ve suspected one of them has been taking money out of my wallet. I know my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I just have a feeling I’m missing some of the spare cash I keep around. It isn’t much money, and I love all my grandchildren so much for helping me. I’m not even sure which one would be taking the money and I definitely don’t want to pit them against each other. Should I just stop worrying about it? Stealing from a family member does happen in even the best of families. It usually happens during the adolescent or teen years, but can be a problem with adult family members as well. The reasons for stealing from family can be many. They might rationalize that they were just borrowing something and plan to give it back, even though they never seem to get around to returning the items or cash. Or, they may act on feelings of entitlement wherein they think you owe it to them. Low self-esteem might drive them to steal, or it can be an expression of anger or aggression toward the person they are stealing from. Other reasons can run deeper such as a personality disorder or drug addiction. In time, it may become evident that the thief is the proverbial “bad seed” in the family that will always skirt the borders of legal versus criminal. There are many reasons why a family member will steal from one of their own, but taking another persons property without their permission is never acceptable behavior. You ask if […]

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