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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Mom-zilla, Mother of the Bride

Mom-zilla, Mother of the Bride

My mother is making me so angry because she is trying to make my wedding her own. I’ve told her that my fiancé and I are wanting to make the plans ourselves. We’re both established professionals and are paying for the wedding since I’ve been married before. With the help of a wedding planner, things are coming together nicely. Our biggest problem has become that my mother keeps trying to meddle and stick her nose in to our plans when she has been clearly asked to let us do this ourselves. She even went so far as to call my wedding planner behind my back, telling her that I gave her permission to call and release to her the guest list. When I heard this from the wedding planner I was also told that my mother instructed the wedding planner to hand out the wedding favors she made for the guests. This was not in our plans at all. I got so mad at my mom I confronted her. We were both angry, each of us trying to hold our own ground, and she made the comment that she may not come to my wedding. Even though I know she will be there, her controlling personality won’t let her stay away, I’m so fed up with her right now I’m avoiding talking to her. We’re usually really close and this makes me feel bad. It’s a stress I don’t need before our happy day, so how can I make this less stressful for all of us? You have a real mom-zilla on your hands. I agree with you. Your mom needs to butt out. This is your wedding and not hers, and especially when she is not paying for the festivities, the planning needs to be left to you and […]

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Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

Boyfriend Won’t Accept Breakup?

I’ve been trying to break up with my boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to accept the fact that I’d like to remain a friend, but am not interested in being in a relationship anymore. I feel bad about this because he’s kind of a loner, and I’m sort of the only person he’s close to, so I stay in touch. How can I get him to understand I just want to be friends? Your question holds the answer to why he’s clueless about this. If you want him to understand that you’re not a couple, you will need to go cold turkey on him. Stop the phone calls, texts, Facebook messaging and all means of communication. Your “staying in touch” may appear to him that you haven’t really broken up or there’s a chance of getting back to where you used to be as boyfriend/girlfriend. Some couples can pull off the “just friends” routine after a breakup but most cannot. Being friends with a girl is especially hard for guys because…you’ve heard me say it many times before…guys are hard-wired to want to have sex. If there is any hope of turning your relationship in to a friendship, it’s best to have no contact for, let’s say, six months, and then give it a try; but don’t be surprised if he broaches the subject of your being “friends with benefits”. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What do you need to do to remain accountable to the~No Contact~rule for breaking up? If you felt overly responsible for the emotional well being of a boyfriend from a past relationship, how did you get over that feeling and move on? What do you need to do to not feel guilty over leaving him “alone”? The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 […]

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Intimate with Co-worker?

Intimate with Co-worker?

I recently left a job where a coworker and I were intimate. I saw her out last night with another guy. I still have feelings for her but don’t know if I should pursue her. How can I let her know how I feel? Have you tried the communication style of just straight out telling her how you feel? No games, no strings attached, no beating around the bush; but just telling her openly and honestly that you have feelings for her? The tricky part here would seem to be that you saw her out with this other guy. Did it look like they were on a date, or just friends? Either way, you will have to decide for yourself if your feelings for her are strong enough to weather a possible rejection, or move forward with a relationship. Either prospect can be scary. If she does decide to go out with you again you may want to define your relationship. Is this just a “friends with benefits” pairing or do you both agree to move forward in an exclusive relationship? Having “The Talk” sooner versus later seems to be in order. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ Are your feelings for this person strong enough to warrant taking the steps to define your relationship? How will you make a plan for telling her how you feel? What will your response be if she rejects you? How will you move your relationship forward if she wants to date? How can you improve the communication you have in relationships? The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other! Tweet

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Work Hard but Can’t Get Ahead?

Work Hard but Can't Get Ahead?

What can I do about the fact that no matter how hard I work I can’t ever seem to get ahead? In these difficult economic times, I hear this all too often… so many people have lost their jobs and are struggling either to find a job or make do in a new job where their pay and benefits have been cut. Lean times come and go (or at least I remain hopeful that better times will again find us), so accept the tried and true saying of “this too shall pass”. Hold on to that hope, but also be practical in taking action to better your chances for getting ahead. Sit down and take the time to objectively analyze why you seem to be working hard, only to be left with so little in your bank account at the end of each month. If you don’t have the facts, you don’t have a starting point from which to better your situation, so write down everything using “Money In” and “Money Out” columns. Be honest with yourself in looking at whether you are overspending for your income. Case studies I’ve heard of people who’ve gotten themselves out of debt, all carried the discipline of closely monitoring the “In” and “Out” columns. Remember too that getting ahead isn’t all about watching your spending~it’s also about looking for a better job, taking a second job, or asking for that long overdue raise (Yes! Even in this economy good employees are getting raises!). Another thing you should seriously consider is going back to school for the training that will bring you a better paying job. Talk with career counselors at your local colleges and vocational schools. They can tell you which employers are hiring right now. I just heard how welders in training […]

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Empty Nest?

 Empty Nest?

My son graduated this year and I’ve been a mess this whole past year just thinking of him leaving for college. I’ve been one of those moms who helped with all the school events and was really involved. I’m not dealing with this very well. This empty nest thing is already worse than I thought. How am I going to get through this? This can be really tough on moms, and some dads have a real tough time with this as well. You will get through this, even if it means having a good cry each day for a while! Give yourself the space and time to process this change. As you let go be mindful that your college student will let you know how much support they need from you their first year away from home. Listen for their cues; some want to hear from you every day and others will tell you to quit calling so often. Continue to support them as you always have, but give them their independence if they’re ready. Approach this change with a positive outlook! Look at this transition as a time to re-create yourself and your life. Use this opportunity to focus on that hobby you set aside, or take that class you always wanted to take. Marriages are often revitalized once the last child leaves home. I know of many couples that see this as their opportunity to travel. I had a friend send me flowers with the simple note “Enjoy” when our youngest left home. After the initial unrest subsides, I expect that you will come to enjoy your newfound freedom! Enjoy! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • What can you do to show kindness and empathy toward yourself (yes!~yourself!) as you go through this difficult time? • […]

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Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 2)

Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 2)

My husband has gotten himself in to trouble with drinking, and I know he’s been trying to curb the habit, but we recently were at a party with family and friends where he was getting sloppy and loud. It made me want to pack up and go home early. He knows his drinking too much makes me mad, so at the party he was sneaking around with his gang of drinking buddies, and they were hitting it hard, downing shots and chugging everything they could get their hands on. I could see trouble brewing from the corner of my eye, but I never know whether to leave him be or go over to him and try to get him to stop drinking or slow down. I don’t want to be the nagging, controlling wife, but I know he usually regrets his behavior the next day once he’s sober. Should I help him monitor his drinking at parties or not? He’s having a fun time thinking he’s being witty and charming or the life of the party. You’re sitting off to the side feeling embarrassed. You see him slurring his words and stumbling around the room. His drink is sloshing around and people are dodging him so they don’t get showered with liquor on their nice party clothes. You notice how the sober people at the party are laughing at him, or looking at you with pity. You wonder how you’re going to get him home without his puking all over the car. Should you help him monitor his drinking at parties? That depends. First, what does he have to say about his drinking? Has he asked for your help? Does he want you to be the booze police? Understandably, if you’re going to have a conversation with him about his […]

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Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 1)

Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 1)

My husband has gotten himself in to trouble with drinking, and I know he’s been trying to curb the habit, but we recently were at a party with family and friends where he was getting sloppy and loud. It made me want to pack up and go home early. He knows his drinking too much makes me mad, so at the party he was sneaking around with his gang of drinking buddies, and they were hitting it hard, downing shots and chugging everything they could get their hands on. I could see trouble brewing from the corner of my eye, but I never know whether to leave him be or go over to him and try to get him to stop drinking or slow down. I don’t want to be the nagging, controlling wife, but I know he usually regrets his behavior the next day once he’s sober. Should I help him monitor his drinking at parties or not? Your man has a drinking problem. You know it. He knows it. Now is the time to get serious and look at what can be done about it. I’ve said before I have great compassion for people who have trouble with substance abuse. Like any addictive process, whether it is too much shopping, or golf, or working, or video gaming; throw in to the mix a chemical substance and it’s a game changer when it comes to curbing the problem or trying to stop. The first step toward addressing your problem is to ascertain how serious your drinking is. According to the NIAAA, National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, here’s the test to determine your risk: Men at risk for a drinking problem drink more than 4 drinks on any single day AND more than 14 drinks total per week. […]

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Eeew! Embarrassing Text?

Eeew! Embarrassing Text?

I sent a text out to the wrong person and am dying of embarrassment. I sent the text to a man I work with who has the same first name as my husband. I didn’t realize until after the text was sent that it went to the wrong person. The text I sent was complaining to my husband about a vaginal itch I’d been suffering with, asking him to pick something up from the pharmacy on his way home from work. I am dying of embarrassment, and soon will be seeing this person face-to-face, but don’t know what to say. He didn’t respond to my text. I’m guessing he realizes it wasn’t meant for him. What shall I do? Ouch! I feel your pain! I have had a text go out to the wrong person on several occasions, but thankfully I wasn’t discussing my vagina with a co-worker! There are stories about these happenings all over the Internet. There are whole websites dedicated to smart phone autocorrect mess-ups, and texts like yours that got sent to the wrong person. Recently in the news, there was a story about a young college girl who texted a sexy post-coital picture, with a telling caption, to her boyfriend…but, the message ended up going to her Father. Cringe. One can only hope her Dad didn’t cut her out of her college fund account! Getting back to your itchy vagina…since he didn’t respond, I agree with you that he probably has no intention of addressing this, and neither should you. The next time you see him don’t even bring it up. Treat him like you always have. Do your best to put on a brave face and a smile and act like the text never happened. A non-response will always keep him guessing. Maybe he’ll […]

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Tell Girlfriend About Depression?

Tell Girlfriend About Depression?

I’m in a new relationship wondering when is a good time to tell my girlfriend of one month that I have depression. I don’t know how to approach this new relationship because I had a past bad experience with my ex girlfriend. My ex had lots of issues with her father’s depression, mostly because he couldn’t keep jobs. When I had trouble getting a job, she passed this issue she had with her Dad on to me. She tried to get me to make promises about working and keeping a job. It was like she projected her issues with her Dad in to our relationship. She knew that I also have depression. Eventually she broke up with me. Now, I’m in a new relationship wondering when to tell my new girlfriend about my depression. Because of my past relationship history where my girlfriend broke up with me, I don’t want to mess this up. It takes two to tango, doesn’t it? Your story, my dear friend, seems to reek of an ex girlfriend who was entangled in issues with Dear Ole Dad. Those were her issues. Think about it. If her Dad’s illness created instability in her childhood, it would make sense for her to freak out over your not having, or keeping a job. Trying to get you to make promises you couldn’t keep was probably her way of trying to control a situation that made her anxious and harkened back to a past that was unsettling. Again, more of her stuff with Dad coming through. On the other hand, I could also see her thinking that getting in to another relationship with a depressed person as “been there”, “done that”, and “not going to go through that again”. Her breaking up with you may have just been that […]

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Family Fights over Politics?

Family Fights over Politics?

My husband is far right politically and his brother is far left. I hold my breath every time they get together as their conversations always turn to politics and things get really heated. I know this makes other family members uncomfortable as well so want to know how to stop it or at least tone it down. Sex, money, religion and politics…the hot button conversation topics where only the brave dare venture! While I welcome these conversation landmines on my radio show, even I know to play them down when talking with my friends and family. While this intense political discourse may make you uncomfortable, you surely realize that some people enjoy sparring over politics, even if things get heated. The critical issue here is whether or not your husband and his brother can walk away with mutual respect and an attitude to “agree to disagree”. If, in the final analysis, these heated debates don’t turn in to personal attacks that mar their relationship, then I say, “Let ‘em go at it”! If it does mar their relationship, that’s a problem they will need to solve. Your question seems to point to your personal discomfort, and your perception that other family members also get uncomfortable. Do they? Is that a fact? If so, you can ban together and tell them to go elsewhere to have their debates. If the discomfort is mostly yours, know that you can choose how to deal with this. Join in on the debate, ignore it, walk away, calm yourself with deep breathing, use earplugs, or take a video of them for playback at Christmas so they can see how ridiculous they get over the politics they have very little personal power over! Choose your strategy for coping based on how tolerant you’re feeling that day. […]

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