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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Won’t Get Hearing Aids?

Won’t Get Hearing Aids?

My friend has been needing to get a hearing aid for years now. When I’m with him, if he isn’t looking directly at me to read my lips, he will constantly ask me to repeat what I’ve said. His kids finally got him to get a hearing test and it showed clearly that he needs a hearing aid. I think the problem is that he’s just too cheap to get one. He can afford it. I think he’s just stubborn. He’s a good friend but I’m not enjoying spending time with him when I have to repeat myself all the time. What should I do? Your friend does sound like a stubborn old coot. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there is a degree of selfishness in his expecting all his friends and family to make concessions for him. Unless he is in absolute denial about how bad his hearing is, he has to know that everyone is going out of their way to accommodate his loss of hearing. When this is something that seems preventable, I can imagine your frustration. Let’s get some facts to work with here and maybe in that you’ll find something that will be helpful to both you and your friend. Denial is a key factor in people not getting hearing aids. Hearing loss comes on gradually over the years. Because of this the person with the hearing loss is the last to notice it. The average person has been having trouble hearing for 7 to 10 years before coming in for testing, even though they swear they’ve only noticed the decline for a few months. Of the 26.7 million people with a hearing impairment, only one in seven, 14%, use a hearing aid. People insist they can still hear, and they can. What they […]

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Purchased Filthy Family Home?

Purchased Filthy Family Home?

My husband and I recently purchased my father-in-law’s home from him (I call him the anti-housekeeper) because he was moving out of town and we like the house, love the location, and have a great vision for remodeling the house that we are really excited about. The only thing about this whole situation that really bugs me is that in the 6 years he’s lived in the home, he’s rarely if at all, cleaned the house. The basement has been the cat’s domain, and he rarely goes down there, which means she “goes” wherever she sees fit as he doesn’t ever empty out her litter box. Two large dogs are inside the majority of the day, and hair is absolutely everywhere. I could go on, but it makes me sick just thinking about it all. We’ve already started the cleaning process, and everything looks much better, but I can’t help but feel very upset. Not only did we have to pack up his entire house and move it for him, which we are still continuing to do, but now we are forced to break our backs cleaning up his mess, without any offers of help from him at all. Should I be upset and/or confront him? Or should I just let it go and move on? Of course you feel like confronting him because you are upset~and who wouldn’t be? Will coming down on him change anything? Probably not. Think about this, if your father-in-law didn’t lift a finger in 6 years to empty the kitty litter box, he’s not going to jump up and help you and your husband clean up this health hazard! While I’m not a neat-nick, it surprises me to find those people who can live in abject filth! They’re out there living amongst us and they […]

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Friend Stealing Candy?

Friend Stealing Candy?

Last time I went to the movies with a group of friends, one of them stole candy from the counter. I’m not close friends with the guy who stole but I still want to hang out with the rest of the group. I don’t want to be guilty by association. What should I do? You, and your parents, should feel proud that you are concerned about a member of your peer group stealing.  This puts you in the category, in my opinion, of “good” guy or girl.  Young as you are, you are recognizing a need to discern (decide) whether you want to be a part of this group. Sadly, while the people who care about you would love to shield you from these types of people, you will encounter them all through your life.  As they get older, they just go from stealing candy to stealing at work or even from friends.  You get the picture. So long as the other members of the group you hang out with don’t agree to the stealing, you’re OK to consider the kids who value honesty friends.  When you’re hanging out with this group, make sure you keep your distance from this particular person and don’t spend time alone as friends. If you’re more of a quiet, shy person and see something that shouldn’t be going on, such as stealing or bullying or lying, walk away. If you’re more assertive and feel strong enough to do so, speak up and tell your friend to stop!  Most of all, you need to tell your parents or teachers about it so that the adults in your life can help you and guide you. Also, and this is very important, if others in the group start to go along with the bad behavior, you have […]

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Waiting 7 Years for Him to Change?

Waiting 7 Years for Him to Change?

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 7 years and while we love each other, I’m afraid to commit to him because of his addictive behaviors. He’s a drinker and gambler and big spender. His family history is that his Father died of an overdose and his Mother is an alcoholic. I keep hanging on to this relationship thinking he will change, but it’s starting to wear me down mentally and physically. Why do I keep hanging on hoping for change? My dearie, dearie, dear…let’s talk! From one who’s been there done that, I have a lot to say to you, and hopefully you will listen to me because it will save you tons of grief! While I’m writing this blog after a busy day, and would be happy to make it short and sweet with a profound message that simply says (or shall I say SHOUTS!) Get Out! Dump him!! I will lend some thoughts on what may be going on here. Let’s start by calling your relationship “ambivalent”. There is the good mixed with the bad; it’s a love/hate sort of affair; you want in one day and out the next. I’m sure your boyfriend is charming and would be the perfect guy IF he didn’t have those nasty little habits, but girlfriend, those nasty habits he has aren’t forgetting to put the lid on the toothpaste or the toilet seat down? Right? He has those addictive behaviors that concern you, and rightly so. A saying that I wish were mine because I think its genius and Oh, So, True, is coined from Dr. Phil, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior”. Even if your man has his addictions, does he recognize them, and more importantly, is he taking steps to address them? […]

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Family as Business Partners?

Family as Business Partners?

My son wants to bring his Dad and me out of retirement to help start a business. We could make a good team, as we’re all good at different things, but this is a big step. I’m concerned about making a go of it but I’m more concerned about this not stressing our family. My husband and I feel this could be a long-term investment in our retirement. That is, of course, if we can make a profit with the business. The other thing we can help our son with is getting a loan to get started since he probably couldn’t get one on his own. There are lots of things to consider before taking this step. Any advice? Of course I have advice, but maybe I should speak more honestly and say that I have an opinion on how to proceed…that way you can’t hold me accountable if things don’t go as planned! But, seriously, there are a number of pitfalls in general with family members going in to business together. And if you want to get a general idea of what they might be, watch a few episodes of Pawn Stars on the History Channel. Not an episode of reality TV goes by on Pawn Stars that Rick, his father-“Old Man”, and son-“Big Hoss”, don’t get in to it over some seemingly trivial business dealings. It seems rather trivial to us couch potato viewers, but it can get really testy at times! Plenty of bleeped out curse words! I know what they say that all of reality TV is scripted, but I don’t think for a second that these guys aren’t getting in to it for real! Such are the dynamics of a family run business. IF you decide to dive in to this family partnership here are […]

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An Artists Career, Doomed to Starvation?

An Artists Career, Doomed to Starvation?

Now that I’ve graduated from college with a Fine Arts degree, I’m concerned about making a living as an artist. My parents didn’t like my choice of careers, saying that it would doom me to the life of a “starving artist”, but I’d like to prove them wrong. Art is my passion and I want to try and make a living as an artist. Any advice? Well, since I’m not an expert on this issue, I did some research for you. What I found out, and what I gleaned from my own business experience, is that there are several key components to making a living as an artist. First, you will need to treat your career more like a business than a job. That is, unless you get a job in an art affiliated field, more on that later. As with any business you need to pay close attention to your finances and follow a budget. Make smart choices with expenditures and find ways to finance your art projects in advance if at all possible. This will keep you out of a deep hole of debt. That’s not to say that to get started in business, or for that really big “break-out” project, you won’t need to borrow some money. Be smart and get creative with financing in order to minimize your risk. Then, hopefully, you will get a return on your investment, aka, sell the art you created with borrowed money. The challenge of most artists is that they need to market themselves. This is not always easy for them as often, the real joy in what they do is in creating their art, not marketing it or running their art as a business. Yet, this is what moves you from the realm of hobby to career. This is […]

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Rich Girl, Poor Boy, A Mismatch?

Rich Girl, Poor Boy, A Mismatch?

My girlfriend was born in to money and grew up with private schools and limousines. I grew up in the low-income housing projects and have not been cultured in the same way she has been. We broke up once but are back together. I’m really in to her and we get along great but I think her one problem with us, as a couple, is that she can’t handle my poor boy upbringing. She’s like one of those debutantes who are rich and snotty. I hold down a good job but am not rich by any means. Is there any hope for our relationship? You sound like a man in love who may be headed toward unrequited love? Your girlfriend’s attitude makes me think of how women, especially, are socialized to want to marry a successful, wealthy man. There may be an even greater expectation for your girlfriend to marry a blueblood from a socially prominent wealthy family? Is that what her family expect from her? If so, you are fighting pressures that go beyond relationship compatibility. You are fighting family pressures. The two of you are really going to need to get down to the nitty gritty and sort this one out before you can take your relationship to a more committed level. She is the one who is hesitant, so you my dear fellow are going to need to start the conversation rolling. It’s on your back to either find out if she can commit to a poor boy, or it’s on your back to call it quits and move on. Think about it, if she can’t commit to you as a real boyfriend, what does she want you for? A sideline pool boy or gardener. You know, the hired help that aren’t good enough for a relationship, […]

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WATCH THIS! Our “Happy” Dance Will Make You Smile!

WATCH THIS! Our "Happy" Dance Will Make You Smile!

If you enjoyed our “Happy” Dance and it made you smile! CLICK HERE to LIKE the Joan Jerkovich Facebook Page!   Tweet

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Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Guilt Mother Died Before Healed Relationship?

Six months before my mother died we had a falling out. Before we got back to repairing our relationship she passed away suddenly from a heart attack. It’s been an emotional up and down roller coaster. I never really got to talk to her and say goodbye as she had stopped talking to me six months. Every day I wake up and am constantly thinking I can’t believe that she’s gone. It’s been hardest knowing we were not on speaking terms when she died and I can’t take that back. I feel so guilty, any help?                  I’m so sorry for your loss and this has to be incredibly hard and conflicted based on the way things happened. Of course, if either you or your mother could have known she would be taken away suddenly, you would have healed your relationship before that time.                This is so sad, and the last thing I would want you to do is get down on yourself or judge yourself harshly for living this “emotional up and down roller coaster” as you call it. Grieving takes time. Allow yourself all the time you need to get through this but if you feel you are getting “stuck” in grief, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a pastor, counselor, or find a grief support group.                Here is something to keep in mind as you try to move forward: Look at your relationship as a whole. Hold dear in your heart the connection and love that you and your mother had through her whole life, not just these last months. Celebrate in your memories the beauty of what you had together. Be grateful for the good things your relationship held for both of you.                Don’t focus on the rift you had just […]

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Couples Commit to Children But Not Marriage?

Couples Commit to Children But Not Marriage?

I find it puzzling that couples today think it’s less of a commitment to have a child together, than to get married. They don’t hesitate to commit to having a child together. They hesitate to get married. That doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe this is more of a comment than a question. Thanks for letting me voice my opinion on this. Thumbs up commenter, I’m giving you a “like”! I know that I’m old school, but this social trend of couples opting to have children outside of the commitment of marriage, doesn’t make sense to me either. That said, do I accept this as a fact of life in today’s society? Yes. Let’s talk some more about this… Think back to the stories of yesteryear where couples rushed to the altar upon finding out that they were pregnant. They were hoping to squeeze in a wedding, in the white wedding dress, before the pregnancy showed. Then, when the baby was born, oh so soon after the wedding, everyone was counting on their fingers to nine…oops!…eight months!! No, the baby wasn’t a preemie. Yep, it was a “shotgun wedding”, as they used to call it. (That’s one I haven’t heard in a while and certainly shows my age!) What I think has changed with our society today, is that young people have witnessed so much divorce that they fear divorce more than they fear the responsibilities of parenthood? Or, they see marriage and having children as two separate life events? They don’t see them as connected like people used to years ago, with the notion that first comes marriage, then the baby carriage. Or, it’s the changes to the way children are conceived and born today, such as with sperm banks, turkey basters and surrogates or gestational carriers? See, even […]

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