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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Meddling Grandmother Reported Granddaughter To Child Protective Services

Meddling Grandmother Reported Granddaughter To Child Protective Services

Dear Joan, My Grandmother and I have always been very close. She is definitely the “matriarch” of our large family. I’ve always held her up on a pedestal, because she’s my hero. She’s persevered through a LOT of hard times, and she’s always done it with grace. I love her. I try to emulate her strength in my own life, though I don’t always succeed. Recently, I went through a divorce. It wasn’t a nasty one, because he decided to just move home to his parents’ house, 600 miles away. He hasn’t been back, and he’s no longer a part of our 3 kids’ lives. He’s chosen an addiction to alcohol over his children, and while it’s been a difficult transition for me and the kids, that’s not why I’m writing you. You see, shortly after my ex-husband left, my oldest daughter and I got into an argument. I demanded she hand over her phone for being disrespectful (for 30 minutes). She refused and took off running for her bedroom downstairs to hide the phone. I followed, and there was a push/shove battle at her bedroom door, which came off the hinges. I then went into her room, very angry at that point, and tried to spank her. Key word… tried. She was 15 at the time, and it wasn’t happening. I didn’t hit her other than the attempted spanking. My other two kids who were 4&5 came downstairs to see what was going on, and I didn’t want them in the middle of that mess, so I left the room without the phone, winded and angry as hell. She wouldn’t tell me where she hid the phone. My daughter then called my mom and asked her to come get her. This is where things get ugly. My mother SHOULD […]

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Manipulated By Friend?

Manipulated By Friend?

My mouth always gets me in trouble. I don’t always know when to shut up and just blurt things out when I shouldn’t. My good friend and I talk every day and I appreciate her support because I’ve had a rough year with a divorce and getting back to dating hasn’t gone so well. My problem is that I’m beginning to feel that my friend has been baiting me, manipulating me and getting me to fight her fights. When she has a problem with one of the girls from our group of girlfriends, she will talk to me and tell me things that I now feel are shared hoping that I will be the one to confront our friend. I’m starting to feel like she’s been using me to do her dirty work. Could this be happening and how can I deal with her manipulations? Yes, this could be happening, especially if you are seeing a pattern of this in your friend, but there are many more questions that need answered before jumping to the conclusion that your friend is manipulating you. Manipulation is acting intentionally to control someone. The manipulation can be done through either covert actions, such as talking to two people behind each other’s back to try and turn them against each other, similar to what you describe, or their actions can be more overt. Overt manipulations take the form of angry verbal threats and bully tactics. If any of these actions seem to fit the behavior of your friend, she just may be using you. You ask how you can deal with this and the first thing you need to know is that, generally speaking, you can’t change a manipulator so don’t even try. Don’t waste your time trying to point out their behavior, or how […]

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17-Year-Old Fears Death?

17-Year-Old Fears Death?

I am a 17-year-old teen and I have a fear of death. Most people my age probably aren’t thinking of this but I am. I believe in God and I am a Christian, but at times when I am out or at night I constantly/sometimes fear death. I get scared about my family dying. I know u can’t stop this fear, but I would appreciate some advice on how to reduce the fear. I want to live my life but I can’t seem to stop the fear. Thx If you were my son or daughter, I would take you to the Doctor for an assessment of your anxiety. Your fear seems to be a form of anxiety. Don’t let that thought scare you, or cause you to feel discouraged, because anxiety is treatable, and here’s what you need to do: Go see your family Doctor. Your Doctor will be able to advise you on whether or not you have an anxiety disorder or if some other medical problem is making you feel fearful. If the Doctor determines you do have anxiety, they will help you with treatment. Treatment can be counseling, medication, or other forms of treatment. There are many things that qualified medical professionals can do to help you. When fearful thoughts invade your life this much, it does rob you of living with peace and happiness. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but hold out hope as things can get better. Read what I found on the medical advice Internet site, webmd.com, about anxiety: “The first step in treating a mental disorder is recognizing that something is not right. The second step is getting help. These two steps may in fact be the hardest part of the entire healing process. Once you seek help from a qualified […]

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12 Ways To Succeed With New Years Resolutions?

12 Ways To Succeed With New Years Resolutions?

Every New Year I make resolutions I end up abandoning within a month or two. I like the idea of starting the New Year off fresh setting goals for better habits but wonder if I should even bother since they don’t go far. How can I follow through better with my New Years Resolutions? Don’t we all like a fresh start, and what better time than the New Year? Only 8% succeed in following through with their resolutions Yet, statistics show that only 8% of the people who make New Years Resolutions succeed in following through with the goals they’ve set for themselves. So, I guess that means that you needn’t feel bad that you are keeping company with the 92% who also abandon their resolutions! But, I hear you, in that you want to get included in that 8% club, and here are my suggestions on how. First, decide on your “big papa” or “big mamma” resolution Approach setting up your New Years Resolutions with only the most important and well thought out items on your gotta-make-it-happen list. Tackle the goals that have been irritating you for months or keeping you up at night. This, after all, is the New Year and a good time to incorporate some new habits. You can leave the minor goals for a Monday morning reset. I’m just saying…hold out the New Year goals as the “big papa” and “big mamma” of goal-setting. Make it big and take it seriously. Let’s get started Now, I know you’re excited to get started, so I’m giving you my cut-to-the-chase 12-point bullet list on how to succeed with your New Years Resolutions! Here they are: 12 ways to get included in the 8% club • Approach setting your goals after serious thought and consideration • Research, investigate […]

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8 Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship

8 Signs You're In A Rebound Relationship

How do I know if I’m in a rebound relationship? How? Watch for these signs: They just broke up 2 days or 2 weeks ago. Falling in love takes time. Falling out of love also takes time. The person who speeds this process along is only fooling himself or herself and taking you along for a bumpy ride. They have a pattern of going from one relationship to the next, with no breaks in between. I call this the George Clooney factor. Yes, he’s married now, but we all remember the string of monogamous relationships he had for years; one right after the other with hardly a break in between. If your new relationship is with a George Clooney type, I say roll the dice and hope you’re the lucky one who gets the ring and the Big “C”, commitment. If he or she is a regular Joe or Jane Schmo, let them use someone else for their rebound back in to dating. The “are we in an exclusive relationship” talk comes up too soon. If your new relationship goes from one or two dates to the “are we exclusive” talk, things are moving too fast. This is too fast even if this isn’t a rebound relationship. Beware. Too fast can point to desperation, or even worse, a controlling personality. Beware. The recently departed Ex is either too saintly or too devilish. Extremes of emotion toward the Ex are signs that they’re still heavily emotionally invested in the past relationship. The primary emotion to look for that lets you know that they are no longer in love with their Ex is indifference. Intense anger or bitterness, or conversely feeling all lovey-dovey and missing their Ex, are signs they haven’t moved on. Expect to see shades of gray with all these […]

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Petulant Princess Wife?

Petulant Princess Wife?

I have 2 months to prepare for a culinary exhibition at a prestigious school. I work at a popular restaurant that keeps me on my toes and a wife who does as well. My wife doesn’t work but stays home with our dogs. I’m fine with it except she is always making demands. This week she wants to re-arrange all our furniture. Last week she wanted to organize the garage. The problem is she usually gets halfway through the job and quits. She then expects me to finish even though I’m stretched very thin with the restaurant. I realize she’s bored, but I can’t be adding projects to my list this close to the exhibition. Every time I tell her how busy I am she gets defensive and acts like I don’t love her. I absolutely cannot cancel the exhibition. How do I keep my wife off my case? My, my, my, aren’t you married to a petulant princess?! It’s time for your wife to grow up. When she starts a job, it’s her responsibility, not yours, to finish it. Let her get defensive. Turn a deaf ear to her “you don’t love me” antics. Don’t allow her defensiveness to manipulate you in to doing things you don’t have time for. Don’t let her steer you off course from your career. Her boredom is not your responsibility. A mature married woman would be thankful that you are working hard to support the family, her and the dogs, without expecting her to work outside the home. A mature married woman would show you support instead of placing demands on you during this busy time in your career. I will say it again…your wife needs to grow up! Show her this blog and if she figures out that this question was written […]

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No Christmas Engagement?

No Christmas Engagement?

I expected to get an engagement ring this Christmas, but didn’t. My heart almost stopped when my live-in boyfriend of four years handed me the tiny box as we were opening gifts in front of his family. I found it hard to act excited when instead of an engagement ring, I got diamond earrings. We have been talking a lot about getting married this past year but now that I think more about it, I have always been the one to bring it up and he never says “no” to the idea, but he never says “yes”. Since he never out-and-out said “no” I thought he was thinking of marriage. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Now that I didn’t get the ring, I’m thinking he may never commit. How long do I wait for a marriage proposal? Wow, just reading this my heart stopped too because I could envision you, and probably other family members, thinking there was an engagement ring in the small box. Ouch! That’s a big let down, and I sympathize, but let’s get to your question of how long do you wait for a marriage proposal? First, no one can answer this question for you. However, I do believe there is an answer that will make sense to you, but it will have to come from some serious soul-searching. You will need to sit down with yourself and think through some hard decisions. To do it right, this process won’t be easy and it will take some time. To keep it simple, what I call black and white, ask yourself which is most important to you; to have this relationship (even if he won’t ever marry you), or to be married? Having done Life Coaching with women who’ve called my radio show with this very issue, […]

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5 Decisions As Vagabond Uncle Visits For Holiday?

5 Decisions As Vagabond Uncle Visits For Holiday?

Not long ago I received word from my Uncle who’s been living in Hong Kong. He wanted to let me know that he was planning a trip through America this holiday season to visit our family. He’s always lived an alternative vagabond type lifestyle. I had been talking with him through email but now I regret telling him where I live. I just know he’s going to want to crash on my couch for a good amount of time. I don’t want him to. I love my uncle, but I never see him. He’s also been known to have some odd characters with him. He’s quite a character himself and I love hearing his crazy travel stories. I would really like to see him, just not have him staying here. There’s another problem. I just started dating this girl and she would be really weirded out with my Uncle on the couch in my small apartment. I’m afraid he will be hurt if I tell him to find a hotel. What should I do? This is a good time to practice being assertive and to practice some decision-making. Decision #1: Do you want him staying at your apartment? If you’re ok with your world traveler, vagabond uncle skeezing up your place for a few nights, you can quit reading now. You don’t have any further decisions to make. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as if you don’t want your Uncle staying even one night in your apartment. If you don’t want him camping out at your place, you will have to be prepared to hold fast to that decision. If he’s known for crashing on couches across the country and mooching off his hosts, prepare yourself for some crazy antics that may net him a few nights of […]

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Can’t Find A Girlfriend?

Can’t Find A Girlfriend?

However much I try I just cannot find a girlfriend. I usually manage to get dates but none of the women ever seem much interested afterward. They just tell me that I’m a nice guy but they just don’t feel “that” way about me. I’ve taken dates to romantic dinners with limousine chaperones. I’ve had picnics on the beach with everything perfectly planned like champagne and caviar. I even took one date for a weekend getaway to New York. After the first couple dates I just don’t hear anything back. I’m constantly checking my Internet dating profile and working it like I would a part time job. I’m trying so hard! I think I’m a decent looking well-groomed guy. What am I doing wrong? It sounds like you need a dating coach who can watch how you act on dates, and one who can also interview the girls you’ve been out with to see what may be going awry. There may be things you can work to change, or you may not have met your match just yet. Finding a girlfriend is often a numbers game and you are certainly putting yourself out there with dating when, as you say, you work the Internet dating like a part time job. Without more information coming from you, the only red flag I read in to your question is that you may be trying too hard? When you talk about only having a couple of dates before they lose interest, yet you pull out all the stops with limousines and caviar and get-aways to New York, I would suggest you scale back those first dates to coffee or a quick drink after work. Take it slower. See if there’s a connection before you plan the showy, extravagant date. Too much too soon […]

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Feelings for Friend of Ex?

Feelings for Friend of Ex?

I just left my boyfriend of 5 years. He was verbally abusive and his drinking became a problem. He has a horrible temper. Anyways, one of his friends is a sweet guy who was always looking out for me but I can’t tell if he likes me in a romantic way. I’m pretty sure I have feelings for him though. He hangs out with my ex a lot still. The other night I even thought he tried calling me but when I answered he hung up. Something’s going on here. I’m really feeling like texting him to hang out. Should I take a chance with him? Yes, my dear, and what are you waiting for? It sounds like you already have a friendship with him, so why couldn’t you just reach out as a friend? Just this morning, as I write this blog, I was talking with two young men in my own family who talked about how their friendship turned in to love. One just got married, and the other engaged, to their girl-friend. Both had been just friends for about 5 years before their relationship took a romantic turn. These two young men were talking about how they really liked having a friendship first. They felt it made for a more solid relationship, and I agree. While you obviously have stronger feelings for this friend, I suggest that you take the romantic part slow. I know I’m old-school, and I think you should reach out for friendship, but let him take the lead in the romance department. By nature, men are hunters. Give him the hunt his gender is biologically geared toward. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you drive him away. Men enjoy the chase, the pursuit. While they may respond to “the bird in […]

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