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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Whenever my husband and I have guests over for dinner, the party enjoys several glasses of wine. I, however, don’t drink and it’s common knowledge. As the evening wears on my husband and our guests become more and more animated and silly. To be honest, I begin to get very bored with the conversation and antics by the second hour. Our friends are such interesting people when they’re not drinking and I really wish they could just hold off for a night. The problem is my husband is usually the instigator of the partying. How can I tell him that these dinner parties are boring for me without ruining everyone else’s fun? So, you have to put up with a little boredom and silly, tipsy, antics for an evening? Is it worth it to keep these interesting friends in your life? Is your husband, whom you call “the instigator”, your bigger problem? When you have guests over for dinner, as the host, you get to call the shots. You get to decide how much alcohol you will, or will not, serve. Do you offer plenty of non-alcoholic options? If so, many social drinkers will mix a non-alcoholic drink in with their glass of wine. Or, would you rather have a non-drinking dinner party? The choice is yours. While your friends may prefer to have wine with their dinner, I’m sure that if the food and conversation are good they will still attend your dinner parties if alcohol is not served. It seems that your bigger issue is with your husband. Why are you afraid to talk to him about this? If he wants to serve alcohol, is there a middle ground where the two of you can find a compromise? Can you only serve wine with the meal? Can you […]

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Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

I recently went to the movies with some friends and one of them kept talking through the entire movie. I think he thought he was being funny but all of us were just really annoyed. Some of the other people in the audience were annoyed too because they kept looking over at us. I’m new to this group of friends and don’t feel comfortable telling him to shut up. Apparently none of the others did either because we suffered through the whole show. I really want to stay friends with the others but this guy is always in tow. Should I say something? You have a real dilemma on your hands since you’re trying to fit in to this new group of friends. You came to the right person with your question! I’m an absolute movie buff. It’s not unheard of for my husband and I to attend three movies, at the theatre, in one weekend! We both love movies and I’ve had my share of people sit beside me who are talking, or texting, or chewing their popcorn so loudly I feel like I’m not at the movies, but sitting next to a barnyard pig trough! I’ve also had to move because someone had such terrible B.O. (body odor) I was gagging. Or then there’s the person who falls asleep and snores through the movie. But, the most distressing movie patrons I’ve ever run in to (and I’ve blogged on this before) was the parents who brought their young girl, she was probably about 7 years old, to the “Wolverine” movie and the little girl was crying and hiding in her seat she was so scared. They didn’t leave with her through the whole movie. They just let her sit there terrified. There’s a reason movies have age ratings! […]

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Family Reject Vegan-only Thanksgiving Dinner?

Family Reject Vegan-only Thanksgiving Dinner?

Thanksgiving is approaching and I’ve been trying to lose weight the past 6 months. I’ve gone vegan during that time and I’ve been pretty successful! Every year, our family always has the biggest dinner celebrations. This year dinner will be at my house and I would like to make a vegan feast for everyone. I’ve been researching some great vegan recipes and I think they will be pleasantly surprised at how good vegan cooking can be. We usually send out an RSVP invitation through email to everyone. I want to tell them not to bring meat or animal products of any kind because of my newfound dietary exploration. The thing is, no one but my Mother knows about my diet. My Mom is known for having a big mouth and will inevitably spill the beans on the “surprise” dinner. How can I make sure that I’m not the only one at the table for Thanksgiving dinner? When in Rome…do as the Romans do. When invited to a vegan feast…eat vegan! Pull on your big girl panties (or big boy tidy whities) and send out the invite telling your family not to bring the flesh of the beast, or beastly products of any kind, to your dinner. You’re the host! You can make this party your own and serve vegan. Who knows? You may turn some of your family into converts? At the very least, you will be introducing them to a new way of thinking about food, and you may turn them on to some tasty dishes to boot! Years ago, I went with a friend to a yoga retreat in the mountains. She forewarned me that the only food they served was vegetarian. I was up for it, even though I thought I would miss my staple meat products. […]

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Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

I’m a senior woman living alone in the home I’ve been in for 40 years. My husband passed away years ago and I have my grandkids stop by periodically to help out around the house. Lately, I’ve suspected one of them has been taking money out of my wallet. I know my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I just have a feeling I’m missing some of the spare cash I keep around. It isn’t much money, and I love all my grandchildren so much for helping me. I’m not even sure which one would be taking the money and I definitely don’t want to pit them against each other. Should I just stop worrying about it? Stealing from a family member does happen in even the best of families. It usually happens during the adolescent or teen years, but can be a problem with adult family members as well. The reasons for stealing from family can be many. They might rationalize that they were just borrowing something and plan to give it back, even though they never seem to get around to returning the items or cash. Or, they may act on feelings of entitlement wherein they think you owe it to them. Low self-esteem might drive them to steal, or it can be an expression of anger or aggression toward the person they are stealing from. Other reasons can run deeper such as a personality disorder or drug addiction. In time, it may become evident that the thief is the proverbial “bad seed” in the family that will always skirt the borders of legal versus criminal. There are many reasons why a family member will steal from one of their own, but taking another persons property without their permission is never acceptable behavior. You ask if […]

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Feeling Down After Laid Off?

Feeling Down After Laid Off?

Some days I just feel so down. I was recently laid off from my job of 5 years and I haven’t found any work yet. I feel like the only things that take my mind off it are drinking and T.V. I’m no alcoholic but it helps to pass the time. I’m single so I don’t have a family to support. I’m also getting unemployment so I’m not in financial trouble. My life was my work and now I feel totally useless. My friends all have jobs and I think they look down on me because of my situation. I’m just so bored. What should I do? First of all, don’t think that your friends all look down on you. You’re no slacker if you had a job for 5 years that you got laid off from. Stop letting those negative thoughts roll around in your head! Stop beating yourself up with your negative thoughts! Let’s talk some more about how negative thinking can get you down. Reread what you wrote, and I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg over how your thinking is contributing to your feeling down…I feel totally useless…I’m bored…my friends look down on me. I’ll bet you could easily add to this list. People who have a habit of letting negative thinking steam roll their thoughts can struggle with depression and low self-esteem. Think about it. If you had someone sitting next to you saying all the nasty, degrading things to you all day long that you say to yourself, it would, understandably, get you down. That, or you’d tell them to get lost. Or worse, you’d punch them out! You need to work at “punching out” your negative thinking. Recognize it as a habit you’ve let yourself fall in to. Start noticing when […]

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Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

My brother has lived with my Mom since college and he is now 45 years old. She does almost everything for him as he can barely hold down a job. I am recently divorced and am now a single father who’s living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes I could really use my Mom’s help but I feel like she always puts my older brother’s needs ahead of mine or my kid. Anytime I bring up my loser brother and how I wish she could help my son and I more, she cries and the conversation goes nowhere. How can I approach her without it becoming an emotional landmine? There seems to be more going on here than meets the eye. Does your brother have mental health issues? Why can’t he hold down a job? Why has he failed to let loose from his dependence on his mother? What draws your mother to doing so much for her adult child? Are there issues with her mental health that she is so fragile that just talking to her about this drives her to tears? Does she get teary when your “loser” brother asks her for help, or just you? Those are a lot of questions that, frankly, don’t need to be answered for you to find a way to convince your mother to lend you a helping hand. The reason I say they don’t need to be answered is because I believe this arrangement your brother and mother have is not ever going to change. Let’s talk about how you might work around it. If your mother starts to cry when you bring up your loser brother and how you wish she would help you more, her tears may be tears of guilt or shame or sadness or embarrassment. She has to know […]

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Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

29 yrs. ago after our 1st child my husband did not have sex with me until 5 months after her birth. Since then only on vacations 3 to 4 times a year. This drove me to a very deep depression & I gained 80 pounds. Now, I have learned to turn off my sex drive and I no longer find him attractive, which is something new. But, it helps me take control of my feelings. No more crying. Now, everyone is telling him he had better fix his marriage, and all of a sudden after 30 yrs. he wants to sit down and talk about things. Can I put a hidden microphone on you and listen in? I’d love to hear what your husband has to say! It would be interesting to hear the tale of 30 years of no sex! What are his reasons? Excuses? How does that happen? Is he depressed, asexual or gay? Is this a result of prescription drug use, or illicit drug abuse? Where’s Sherlock Holmes when we need him? All silliness aside, this is a very distressing thing for you to have lived with (or should I say, lived without) for all these years. Women I’ve talked to whose husbands don’t want to have sex with them talk about how this makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them. It makes them question their femininity and attractiveness. It’s a real head-trip and I’m not surprised at all to hear this drove you to a depression. After all, I’m guessing that you didn’t sign on for this when you signed your marriage certificate. You were expecting, as were the men who have wives who won’t have sex with them, carnal delights more than 3-4 times per year. For your information, a marriage with sex […]

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Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

My husband and I recently moved from out of state and into a house next to neighbors with 2 little “yippy” dogs. Our neighbors are very friendly and we are eager to make new friends in the community, but the dogs are so annoying. They get let out at 5:30 am and then we hear them again at 11:00 pm when we are getting to bed. We’ve used earplugs and such but it get’s incredibly annoying. Last night when our neighbors were gone my husband got so mad he threw a shoe at one of the dogs. How should we approach our new neighbor friends without upsetting them? Walk over to their house, ring the door bell, put a big smile on your face, and when your new neighbors answer, tell them, using your most pleasant words and tone of voice, about the “yippy-yip”. Make sure they understand that this is most annoying when you hear it at 5:30am and again late at night. Keep the conversation friendly and the smile on your face. Invite them over for coffee and cookies. A responsible dog owner can and will find a way to quiet the barking. They understand that there are city ordinances protecting your rights to quiet, especially during the hours you mention. If the noise continues, take another walk over to the neighbor’s house. Once again, paste that big smile on your face, even though you may not feel quite so generous this second time around, and state your case. If this second go-around doesn’t get the “yippy-yip” to quiet down, you can either just learn to live with the annoying noise, or call the authorities. At this point in time, you’ll have to decide what their friendship means to you as calling the authorities will probably kill the […]

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Divorced Dad Sugar Daddy to Woman Barely Old Enough?

Divorced Dad Sugar Daddy to Woman Barely Old Enough?

My recently divorced Dad has decided to become a sugar daddy to a young woman who’s not much older than me. I know he buys her all sorts of expensive jewelry and clothes. They even went on a trip to Mexico together. I’m afraid my Dad is getting feelings for her. I’m also afraid that the woman is just using my Dad for his money. Last week she came to my high school music concert and it was so awkward! She’s so trashy and rude. She’s been trying to be my buddy through Facebook but I have just ignored her. My Dad doesn’t seem to care about my feelings when I tell him. Should I just learn to accept this younger woman? It’s good that you are talking to your Dad about her, but you have to let go of the idea that just because you don’t like his new girlfriend, he’s going to break up with her. When you say that your Dad is newly divorced, it is hopeful that the young woman who’s not much older than you may be someone he’s only going to go out with for a little while. He may break up with her sooner versus later. Why do I say this? Newly divorced people sometimes go through a sort of “wild” phase with regards to dating after a divorce. I know this is creepy for the kids to watch, but you might be seeing your Dad working out more and changing the way he dresses. He may be trying to look and act younger. Right after their divorce, many Dads (and Moms) will date people who aren’t the type of person you’d choose for them. Hopefully, your Dad is going through his post-divorce “wild” phase and will settle down soon. When he does, […]

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Friend As Business Partner?

Friend As Business Partner?

I’ve started a new home business and it has finally started to take off to where I can’t keep up with filling orders. My good friend has been looking for work and has proposed the idea of us going in to partnership together. I’ve already laid a lot of the groundwork for the business and am not sure about taking on a partner versus hiring an employee. I’m also not sure about working with a friend. What do I need to consider here? First, list all the things you need help with. If the primary thing you need help with is to fill orders, this is not the job of a business partner; this is the job of an employee. If you would like to subspecialize within your business, then you may want to consider bringing on a partner. What I mean by this is that the business strengths of each partner compliment each other. Such as, you like managing the production and distribution side of things, and your partner likes managing the administrative and sales side of the business. These are the business partnerships that I have seen work the best. You have separate duties and responsibilities. That said, you should carefully consider how your two personalities mesh. A business partnership is akin to a marriage in the complexity and commitment it takes to keep it running smoothly. Also, a true business partnership takes both of you having some “skin in the game”, meaning, you both invest capital monies toward expenses, equipment etc. A true partner puts up the cash and puts their name on the business loans. I’ve had more than one person want to “partner” with me in business that had no intention of bringing any money to the table; and they wanted to take home a […]

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