Ever since I was young, I have had this message running through my head that “I’m not good enough”. When I look at all I have accomplished and the person that I am, I realize that this message isn’t true. What can I do to improve my self-esteem? Thank you for this question because I get so many Life Coaching callers who tell me that they believe the mistakes they’ve made in life, the poor choices they have made, resulted from their low self esteem. When they recognize this fact, this is always a solid starting point to change the perceptions they espouse in regard to themselves. One habit that is often revealed in their calls, is that they constantly talk down to themselves. Often, I hear them say that the things they say to themselves in their head they would NEVER say to anyone else! One caller named his self talk(er) his inner Bully! Self-talk is key to self-esteem. Change your negative self talk to positive by first becoming aware of what you say to yourself, about yourself, via your private iTunes Playlist running through your mind. One way to recognize negative self-talk is to notice feeling down, upset, discouraged, or frustrated. When that “icky” feeling hits, slow down enough to listen to what you are saying to yourself. Once you recognize your negative self-talk try these strategies: scold it, talk back to it, shut it down or tune it out. On the positive: replace it with positive comments, affirmations and self-praise. Don’t play that~but I must be humble~game with yourself here! You deserve to tell yourself how incredible, amazing, superhuman and superdivine you are! It is Our honor to share this space on earth with you!! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What strategy will you implement
Read more →The tornado in Oklahoma has really affected me, especially the loss of children, and I’d like to donate to the cause but my husband doesn’t think this is necessary. He got so angry just talking about this that I’m not sure if I should just forget donating. I’ve always been the one who wants to help others, but he’s just not that way. What should I do? I say screw him and shame on his selfish, self-centered attitude! While that is my gut response to your question (I know it sounds harsh), I understand that you may not be able to take this stance and keep the peace in your marriage. Marriage is a partnership, and both you and your husband deserve the right to spend a portion of the family money on the things and causes that are important to each of you. Does your husband spend money on things just for himself? Does he spend money on things you don’t agree with? What I hear from couples works best is if each person has a set amount of money out of the monthly budget; that they can spend without their spouses approval. If you could negotiate this strategy for spending, then you could donate from your monthly discretionary income. I hope that you can successfully negotiate having some of your own spending money otherwise, to be honest, I have concerns about the health and mutuality of your relationship. Thank you for your generous spirit. The world needs more people like you! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ In what way might your husband be open to negotiating you having your own money to spend in any way that you like? Where do you and your husband agree with how the family money is to be spent? Where
Read more →My elderly Aunt has never had children so she is looking to me for help. My problem is that when I went to her home I discovered that she’s a hoarder. Her house isn’t as bad as those ones you see on TV, but it’s really a mess. I love her to pieces and want to help clean her house, but I’m not sure I have the time to help with this big of a project. How do I support her while not getting overwhelmed myself? Blessings to you for your willingness to help! Do you know how many people would just walk away from this situation? Too many to count! You’re on the right path to helping most effectively when you realize your own limitations and the boundaries that you need to set in this challenging situation. If you let this overwhelm you, you’ll most likely come to resent your Aunt, and that’s not what she needs from any of her family as hoarding is often a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that benefits from Mental Health Care. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve always thought it would be fun to tackle a hoarding house…I told you I was crazy! J I’m a big project person. I like a challenge! I like to take a big project that seems overwhelming and devise strategies for breaking the work down into smaller parts. Then, I like being the captain that rallies the troops and directs the charge that brings all to victory! Yeah! Devise a strategy for cleaning up the house, break tasks down into manageable and attainable goals, bring in the help that you need and direct the troops. I salute you El Capitan! Victory awaits you! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What plan do you have
Read more →I’ve tried to raise my own family in a positive environment but whenever I’m with my parents and extended family all they do is sit and talk poorly about the family members who aren’t present. They’re so critical I don’t like to have my kids around them. How do I protect my kids from their negativity? First of all, I’m sure you realize that you’re not going to change your family of origin. You’ve been witnessing and living this negativity your whole life and that may be the reason you’re focused on keeping things positive with your own children. Kudos to you! It’s never too late to change negative patterns! Depending on the ages of your children, you have a few options here. When they’re small you can probably distract them away from the grown-up conversations. As they get older, they may choose to join in on the adult conversation, which means they will get an earful of negativity. The good thing about older kids is that they are aware enough, and mature enough, to understand the differences in the way people act, and re-act, around others. This can be a good opportunity to teach your older children that, in life, we all have to learn how to deal with negative people. We have to develop strategies for either minimizing our time with them or minimizing the impact they have on our lives. Others may choose to be negative, but we always have the choice of how to act, and how to re-act. The choice is ours and within our control. To quote from the film, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade…”Choose Wisely!”. Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ What life lessons can you teach your children as they witness the exchange of negativity in your family? Is there
Read more →What is the proper way to tell someone that you don’t like them texting all through dinner when you’re out together? Take your pick of things you can say and do in this situation. Use the “Direct” approach: • That’s rude ! Who taught you manners? • Are you going to text all through dinner? • I don’t like it when people text through dinner. • Could you please hold your texting until after dinner? • I guess I don’t count here since you’re ignoring me? • Does that text you’re sending matter more to you than spending time with me? • Do you know that I refuse to go on a second date with someone who texts while we’re out? Or, you can use the “Passive” approach: • Ignore their texting • Don’t bother confronting it if it really doesn’t bother you Or, you can use the “Indirect, Passive Aggressive” approach: • Do more texting than they are • Make sure they have to wait for you to finish texting to get your attention I don’t recommend the Passive Aggressive approach, but do what makes sense to you. In some groups, such as teenagers, texting when out together is the norm and to be expected. Only you can decide how to handle this situation! Text me when you figure it out! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • What approach makes sense to you? • Are you willing to gracefully accept the consequences of which ever approach you take? • What is the standard for the group you hang out with? Texting or no texting? • What are your personal standards for when you’re out alone with someone? Please SHARE this on Facebook and lend your COMMENTS ~ we learn from each other! Joan Jerkovich is a Board
Read more →My husband spends so much time on the Golf course I feel like he’s neglecting his duties as a father and husband. How can I get him to spend more time with us and less on golf? Balance. That’s the first word that came to mind when I read your question. I’m a big believer in that we all need our leisure activities, our friends and hobbies, but if the balance of time we spend with others really does neglect our family…or is perceived to be neglecting our family…then we have a problem. Maintaining a good relationship requires good negotiation skills. Both parties need to get their needs met, but they should not look solely to their partner to meet those needs. This is where negotiating with your husband for what you want and need comes in to play. First, I suggest that you honor him by accepting his passion for golf. Let him know that you support him in spending time with activities that make him happy. If that sounds like a hard thing for you to do, start by looking at the things you do that he’s not crazy about but has to accept in relationship with you. You know, girlfriend, that he’s got his list too!! Also, make sure that you are living your best life and not depending on him to satisfy something that you feel is missing inside you or in your life. That said, if he is not being a true partner to you, bring on your Power Woman and go after what you need. Get it? Got it! Good!! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ How do you show your husband that you honor his independence and leisure time away from you and the kids? Only you know what works with your
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