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Archive for the Life Coaching Category

Feel Guilty For Giving Up On Homeless Brother?

Feel Guilty For Giving Up On Homeless Brother?

My brother wanders around the country moving from homeless shelter to homeless shelter and I feel guilty that the family has essentially abandoned him. He’s burned his bridges and each of us could tell a story of how we tried to help him but he just never tried to help himself. We’ve all closed our doors to him and pretty much given up on him. His main problem is alcohol and never wanting to sober up and get a job. He’s lazy and seems ok with mooching off people or the system whenever he can. He’s been in rehab numerous times but his efforts at staying sober never last. I sometimes think he likes his life of wandering around using up services and people only to move on to the next place once they’re fed up with him. It’s like he feels like he’s owed help and none of this is his fault. I think that attitude is the main reason the family has had it with him. His attitude that we owe him something for his doing nothing has burned us all out. So why do I feel bad that we’ve all abandoned him? My other siblings feel that he’s made his own bed and deserves his life of homelessness. It doesn’t seem to bother them like it does me. Is there something else I can do to help him turn his life around or how do I let go of feeling guilty that I’ve not been there for him? Your question touches on many aspects of the plight of homelessness and shares the reality from the family perspective. It’s not uncommon for family to burn out and pull away when their attempts at helping just keep falling backward. While many things can lead to homelessness, the number one

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Forgive Dad For His Affair That Broke Up The Family?

Forgive Dad For His Affair That Broke Up The Family?

When I was about 20 years old my Dad decided to cheat on my Mom and run off with his secretary. It came as a huge shock to everyone as it appeared my parents were incredibly close. There was absolutely no warning. My Mom filed for divorce shortly after it happened and I was totally on her side! It’s been 12 years since the cheating scandal and I haven’t talked to my Dad once. He’s tried to write me several times and I just throw the letters away. My older brother visit’s him regularly but I just can’t forgive what he did. I can’t understand how he could betray our family like that. The problem is, as I’ve gotten older I’ve been thinking of starting my own family. I’m still mad at my Dad, but I’m tired of being angry. I’m beginning to feel like I should forgive him, if only for my sake. I feel like he might have some explanation as to why he did what he did, however bad I think it is. Is it time to forgive my Dad? Yes, with what you’ve written about your Dad, and where you’re at in this stage of your life, it is time to move toward forgiveness. The notion of “moving toward” is key here. Forgiveness is a process, so don’t expect to reconnect with your Dad and immediately feel ready to forgive him for cheating on your Mom. Give yourselves time to refashion a new father, son relationship. After all, it’s been 12 years since the two of you even had a conversation. At 32 years old, you are a different person than you were at 20. Build your new relationship with conversation that includes sharing your feelings about how his betrayal affected you. If he empathizes with

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7 Ways To Conquer Test Anxiety

7 Ways To Conquer Test Anxiety

I have test Anxiety and I want to know how it can be improved. I feel like the more my test anxiety kinda kicks in the worse I get and when I do test I feel like my anxiety gets in the way and that’s why I do so bad on my tests and quizzes. Previously when I take tests I have to take them outside of the room and I don’t like it. I feel unincluded and I feel like my anxiety raises. Thnx You may have read my previous blog titled, “Test Anxiety? The 3 Common Causes,” but if you haven’t, review that and it will help you get into the mindset needed to conquer this. In addition, try these 7 ways to get a grip on your anxiety over tests: 1. Study well in advance. Don’t wait until the last minute to study for a test, as this will only increase your anxiety. Focus instead, on setting study goals as tests and quizzes are scheduled. Keep up with the goals you have set for yourself as a way to reduce any “last minute” anxiety. 2. Take a practice test. Simulate the test environment at home or even try it out in the library where there are people around. Get your pencils and supplies together and do a practice run-through in your mind of what you think the test environment will feel like. If you can get in to the classroom you will be taking the test in, go in and sit by yourself. In your mind go through the steps of taking the test. As you do this, be mindful of any anxiety you feel so that you can work to calm yourself. 3. Practice calming your anxiety. Whether you’re running through your practice test, or just

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Test Anxiety? The 3 Common Causes

Test Anxiety? The 3 Common Causes

I have test Anxiety and I want to know how it can be improved. I feel like the more my test anxiety kinda kicks in the worse I get and when I do test I feel like my anxiety gets in the way and that’s why I do so bad on my tests and quizzes. Previously when I take tests I have to take them outside of the room and I don’t like it. I feel unincluded and I feel like my anxiety raises. Thnx I’m so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this, but thanks for sending your question because there are sure to be others who struggle with test anxiety as you do. You’re smart to want to turn this around, because the longer it goes on, the harder it gets to do just that. But, I’m confident that you can tackle this and get it under control. First, I want you to get yourself in the mindset of feeling confident. You can beat this. Think positive thoughts as you read further. 3 Common causes of test anxiety Only you know what triggers this for you, but most commonly, people who’ve had trouble with test anxiety fall in to 3 categories: 1. Past history of test anxiety. Their past history of trouble with test anxiety sets them up for future problems. The one time we felt we couldn’t handle our anxiety, can make it harder to step up to the plate and stay calm the next time around. Can you remember the first time your anxiety took hold of you? What was happening? What were you thinking? Did you react in a way that was embarrassing to you? Did it make you concerned about what the other students thought of you? Answering this list of

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Attend Wedding Or Basketball Tournament?

Attend Wedding Or Basketball Tournament?

My family has been invited to my first cousin’s wedding this spring. It looks like a lot of fun and a bunch of my extended relatives are going but there’s one big problem, it directly conflicts with our son’s basketball tournament. The tournament is a rare opportunity for our high-schooler to show off his skills in front of some college coaches. It could possibly mean a scholarship for him. Our whole family is close and I know they will be upset if we don’t go, but basketball is also very important to my son. Is there any way to make everyone happy? My short response is that your first priority is to your son, not the family wedding. If you attend the basketball tournament, and your family get upset when you’re not at the wedding, so be it. While there is no way to make everyone happy when you have a hard choice to make, that’s not to say that the family will be upset with you. If the family feels disappointed that you had a conflict, that’s not the same as saying that they disagree with your choice or are even disgruntled over your decision not to attend the wedding. Your family members may simply wish that you could be at the wedding to enjoy the good times and create memories together. I guarantee, you won’t be the only family member who has a conflict and is unable to attend. Another option could be to split up your family with one parent going to the wedding and the other going to the basketball tournament. Whatever your choice, reframe your thinking on this. Don’t assume that your family will be upset. Assume instead that they understand you had a conflict and made the best decision you could, even if they

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Meddling Grandmother Reported Granddaughter To Child Protective Services

Meddling Grandmother Reported Granddaughter To Child Protective Services

Dear Joan, My Grandmother and I have always been very close. She is definitely the “matriarch” of our large family. I’ve always held her up on a pedestal, because she’s my hero. She’s persevered through a LOT of hard times, and she’s always done it with grace. I love her. I try to emulate her strength in my own life, though I don’t always succeed. Recently, I went through a divorce. It wasn’t a nasty one, because he decided to just move home to his parents’ house, 600 miles away. He hasn’t been back, and he’s no longer a part of our 3 kids’ lives. He’s chosen an addiction to alcohol over his children, and while it’s been a difficult transition for me and the kids, that’s not why I’m writing you. You see, shortly after my ex-husband left, my oldest daughter and I got into an argument. I demanded she hand over her phone for being disrespectful (for 30 minutes). She refused and took off running for her bedroom downstairs to hide the phone. I followed, and there was a push/shove battle at her bedroom door, which came off the hinges. I then went into her room, very angry at that point, and tried to spank her. Key word… tried. She was 15 at the time, and it wasn’t happening. I didn’t hit her other than the attempted spanking. My other two kids who were 4&5 came downstairs to see what was going on, and I didn’t want them in the middle of that mess, so I left the room without the phone, winded and angry as hell. She wouldn’t tell me where she hid the phone. My daughter then called my mom and asked her to come get her. This is where things get ugly. My mother SHOULD

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Manipulated By Friend?

Manipulated By Friend?

My mouth always gets me in trouble. I don’t always know when to shut up and just blurt things out when I shouldn’t. My good friend and I talk every day and I appreciate her support because I’ve had a rough year with a divorce and getting back to dating hasn’t gone so well. My problem is that I’m beginning to feel that my friend has been baiting me, manipulating me and getting me to fight her fights. When she has a problem with one of the girls from our group of girlfriends, she will talk to me and tell me things that I now feel are shared hoping that I will be the one to confront our friend. I’m starting to feel like she’s been using me to do her dirty work. Could this be happening and how can I deal with her manipulations? Yes, this could be happening, especially if you are seeing a pattern of this in your friend, but there are many more questions that need answered before jumping to the conclusion that your friend is manipulating you. Manipulation is acting intentionally to control someone. The manipulation can be done through either covert actions, such as talking to two people behind each other’s back to try and turn them against each other, similar to what you describe, or their actions can be more overt. Overt manipulations take the form of angry verbal threats and bully tactics. If any of these actions seem to fit the behavior of your friend, she just may be using you. You ask how you can deal with this and the first thing you need to know is that, generally speaking, you can’t change a manipulator so don’t even try. Don’t waste your time trying to point out their behavior, or how

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17-Year-Old Fears Death?

17-Year-Old Fears Death?

I am a 17-year-old teen and I have a fear of death. Most people my age probably aren’t thinking of this but I am. I believe in God and I am a Christian, but at times when I am out or at night I constantly/sometimes fear death. I get scared about my family dying. I know u can’t stop this fear, but I would appreciate some advice on how to reduce the fear. I want to live my life but I can’t seem to stop the fear. Thx If you were my son or daughter, I would take you to the Doctor for an assessment of your anxiety. Your fear seems to be a form of anxiety. Don’t let that thought scare you, or cause you to feel discouraged, because anxiety is treatable, and here’s what you need to do: Go see your family Doctor. Your Doctor will be able to advise you on whether or not you have an anxiety disorder or if some other medical problem is making you feel fearful. If the Doctor determines you do have anxiety, they will help you with treatment. Treatment can be counseling, medication, or other forms of treatment. There are many things that qualified medical professionals can do to help you. When fearful thoughts invade your life this much, it does rob you of living with peace and happiness. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but hold out hope as things can get better. Read what I found on the medical advice Internet site, webmd.com, about anxiety: “The first step in treating a mental disorder is recognizing that something is not right. The second step is getting help. These two steps may in fact be the hardest part of the entire healing process. Once you seek help from a qualified

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12 Ways To Succeed With New Years Resolutions?

12 Ways To Succeed With New Years Resolutions?

Every New Year I make resolutions I end up abandoning within a month or two. I like the idea of starting the New Year off fresh setting goals for better habits but wonder if I should even bother since they don’t go far. How can I follow through better with my New Years Resolutions? Don’t we all like a fresh start, and what better time than the New Year? Only 8% succeed in following through with their resolutions Yet, statistics show that only 8% of the people who make New Years Resolutions succeed in following through with the goals they’ve set for themselves. So, I guess that means that you needn’t feel bad that you are keeping company with the 92% who also abandon their resolutions! But, I hear you, in that you want to get included in that 8% club, and here are my suggestions on how. First, decide on your “big papa” or “big mamma” resolution Approach setting up your New Years Resolutions with only the most important and well thought out items on your gotta-make-it-happen list. Tackle the goals that have been irritating you for months or keeping you up at night. This, after all, is the New Year and a good time to incorporate some new habits. You can leave the minor goals for a Monday morning reset. I’m just saying…hold out the New Year goals as the “big papa” and “big mamma” of goal-setting. Make it big and take it seriously. Let’s get started Now, I know you’re excited to get started, so I’m giving you my cut-to-the-chase 12-point bullet list on how to succeed with your New Years Resolutions! Here they are: 12 ways to get included in the 8% club • Approach setting your goals after serious thought and consideration • Research, investigate

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8 Signs You’re In A Rebound Relationship

8 Signs You're In A Rebound Relationship

How do I know if I’m in a rebound relationship? How? Watch for these signs: They just broke up 2 days or 2 weeks ago. Falling in love takes time. Falling out of love also takes time. The person who speeds this process along is only fooling himself or herself and taking you along for a bumpy ride. They have a pattern of going from one relationship to the next, with no breaks in between. I call this the George Clooney factor. Yes, he’s married now, but we all remember the string of monogamous relationships he had for years; one right after the other with hardly a break in between. If your new relationship is with a George Clooney type, I say roll the dice and hope you’re the lucky one who gets the ring and the Big “C”, commitment. If he or she is a regular Joe or Jane Schmo, let them use someone else for their rebound back in to dating. The “are we in an exclusive relationship” talk comes up too soon. If your new relationship goes from one or two dates to the “are we exclusive” talk, things are moving too fast. This is too fast even if this isn’t a rebound relationship. Beware. Too fast can point to desperation, or even worse, a controlling personality. Beware. The recently departed Ex is either too saintly or too devilish. Extremes of emotion toward the Ex are signs that they’re still heavily emotionally invested in the past relationship. The primary emotion to look for that lets you know that they are no longer in love with their Ex is indifference. Intense anger or bitterness, or conversely feeling all lovey-dovey and missing their Ex, are signs they haven’t moved on. Expect to see shades of gray with all these

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