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Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 1)

Husband’s Party Drinking? (part 1)

My husband has gotten himself in to trouble with drinking, and I know he’s been trying to curb the habit, but we recently were at a party with family and friends where he was getting sloppy and loud. It made me want to pack up and go home early. He knows his drinking too much makes me mad, so at the party he was sneaking around with his gang of drinking buddies, and they were hitting it hard, downing shots and chugging everything they could get their hands on. I could see trouble brewing from the corner of my eye, but I never know whether to leave him be or go over to him and try to get him to stop drinking or slow down. I don’t want to be the nagging, controlling wife, but I know he usually regrets his behavior the next day once he’s sober. Should I help him monitor his drinking at parties or not? Your man has a drinking problem. You know it. He knows it. Now is the time to get serious and look at what can be done about it. I’ve said before I have great compassion for people who have trouble with substance abuse. Like any addictive process, whether it is too much shopping, or golf, or working, or video gaming; throw in to the mix a chemical substance and it’s a game changer when it comes to curbing the problem or trying to stop. The first step toward addressing your problem is to ascertain how serious your drinking is. According to the NIAAA, National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, here’s the test to determine your risk: Men at risk for a drinking problem drink more than 4 drinks on any single day AND more than 14 drinks total per week.

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Eeew! Embarrassing Text?

Eeew! Embarrassing Text?

I sent a text out to the wrong person and am dying of embarrassment. I sent the text to a man I work with who has the same first name as my husband. I didn’t realize until after the text was sent that it went to the wrong person. The text I sent was complaining to my husband about a vaginal itch I’d been suffering with, asking him to pick something up from the pharmacy on his way home from work. I am dying of embarrassment, and soon will be seeing this person face-to-face, but don’t know what to say. He didn’t respond to my text. I’m guessing he realizes it wasn’t meant for him. What shall I do? Ouch! I feel your pain! I have had a text go out to the wrong person on several occasions, but thankfully I wasn’t discussing my vagina with a co-worker! There are stories about these happenings all over the Internet. There are whole websites dedicated to smart phone autocorrect mess-ups, and texts like yours that got sent to the wrong person. Recently in the news, there was a story about a young college girl who texted a sexy post-coital picture, with a telling caption, to her boyfriend…but, the message ended up going to her Father. Cringe. One can only hope her Dad didn’t cut her out of her college fund account! Getting back to your itchy vagina…since he didn’t respond, I agree with you that he probably has no intention of addressing this, and neither should you. The next time you see him don’t even bring it up. Treat him like you always have. Do your best to put on a brave face and a smile and act like the text never happened. A non-response will always keep him guessing. Maybe he’ll

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Tell Girlfriend About Depression?

Tell Girlfriend About Depression?

I’m in a new relationship wondering when is a good time to tell my girlfriend of one month that I have depression. I don’t know how to approach this new relationship because I had a past bad experience with my ex girlfriend. My ex had lots of issues with her father’s depression, mostly because he couldn’t keep jobs. When I had trouble getting a job, she passed this issue she had with her Dad on to me. She tried to get me to make promises about working and keeping a job. It was like she projected her issues with her Dad in to our relationship. She knew that I also have depression. Eventually she broke up with me. Now, I’m in a new relationship wondering when to tell my new girlfriend about my depression. Because of my past relationship history where my girlfriend broke up with me, I don’t want to mess this up. It takes two to tango, doesn’t it? Your story, my dear friend, seems to reek of an ex girlfriend who was entangled in issues with Dear Ole Dad. Those were her issues. Think about it. If her Dad’s illness created instability in her childhood, it would make sense for her to freak out over your not having, or keeping a job. Trying to get you to make promises you couldn’t keep was probably her way of trying to control a situation that made her anxious and harkened back to a past that was unsettling. Again, more of her stuff with Dad coming through. On the other hand, I could also see her thinking that getting in to another relationship with a depressed person as “been there”, “done that”, and “not going to go through that again”. Her breaking up with you may have just been that

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Family Fights over Politics?

Family Fights over Politics?

My husband is far right politically and his brother is far left. I hold my breath every time they get together as their conversations always turn to politics and things get really heated. I know this makes other family members uncomfortable as well so want to know how to stop it or at least tone it down. Sex, money, religion and politics…the hot button conversation topics where only the brave dare venture! While I welcome these conversation landmines on my radio show, even I know to play them down when talking with my friends and family. While this intense political discourse may make you uncomfortable, you surely realize that some people enjoy sparring over politics, even if things get heated. The critical issue here is whether or not your husband and his brother can walk away with mutual respect and an attitude to “agree to disagree”. If, in the final analysis, these heated debates don’t turn in to personal attacks that mar their relationship, then I say, “Let ‘em go at it”! If it does mar their relationship, that’s a problem they will need to solve. Your question seems to point to your personal discomfort, and your perception that other family members also get uncomfortable. Do they? Is that a fact? If so, you can ban together and tell them to go elsewhere to have their debates. If the discomfort is mostly yours, know that you can choose how to deal with this. Join in on the debate, ignore it, walk away, calm yourself with deep breathing, use earplugs, or take a video of them for playback at Christmas so they can see how ridiculous they get over the politics they have very little personal power over! Choose your strategy for coping based on how tolerant you’re feeling that day.

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Divorced Mom Competes with Disney Dad?

Divorced Mom Competes with Disney Dad?

My ex is all about play and fun times when my son goes for weekend visitation. He takes him to fun museums, water parks and zoos. Weekends with him are always like the fun field trip with a stop at the toy store. He doesn’t set any schedules and there is no discipline. My son gets pretty much whatever he wants when they’re together. This makes me so angry because as the only parent who disciplines, I always get to be the bad guy. It also makes me angry because I would like to do some of the same fun things, but I don’t have the money for it. When I have to buy the clothes and items for school and activities, it leaves little for the fun outings that cost money. I feel like I get all the work and my ex gets all the fun. How can I compete with my ex who is the Disney Dad? Thanks dear mother for your question, but since this is something I have no experience with I went to the Internet chat rooms to hear from the moms like you who are in the trenches. Here’s some of what I learned from the single moms out there who have been in a similar situation, but read on for what the older children had to say about growing up with a Disney Dad. Their comments may be the most helpful to you. Here’s what I found on the Internet. The usual scenario is just as you described. The children go visit their Dad and there are no rules and no discipline. Many of the mothers described how hard it was to “retrain” the kids after their time spent at Disney Dad’s house where they could always do whatever they want. The laxity

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Unappreciated and Passed Over for Advancement at Work?

Unappreciated and Passed Over for Advancement at Work?

I’ve been in my job for the past 10 years and I’m in a place of feeling like I don’t get the level of support or respect in my job that I deserve. I don’t feel supported when implementing new ideas. I’ve always been one to go above and beyond with my job. I will stay late while others just show up, but no one seems to notice, and I keep getting passed over for advancement. It’s becoming hard to work in this place that feels negative to me. What can I do? There seems to be a lot of the ole, being taken for granted going on here. If you’ve been consistent with your habits of giving extra, your bosses have probably just come to expect that from you. It’s nothing new that you put in more time and effort on the job. Yes, it has to feel frustrating that you are getting passed over for advancement, but let’s talk about the two key points you make. First, you feel unappreciated for what you do at work. Let me say, I hear this quite often from my callers and have even felt this myself. We all like to be told thank you for the work we do, but the reality is that you can’t hold fast to expecting that all of a sudden your bosses are going to wake up and give you a pat on the back each day you show up for work. Maybe it’s that expectation that this is your job, this is what is expected from you, and you’re getting paid to do this. Whatever dynamic is at play here, you can be proactive by finding little ways to make sure your bosses do know what you’re doing to go the extra mile. A good

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Husband’s Mother Pours Guilt on Him?

Husband’s Mother Pours Guilt on Him?

My in-laws have never been very involved in our lives because they refuse to meet us halfway when it comes to visits. We live out of state from them and they always expect us to travel to get together. Since my husband and I are both professionals with busy careers, and it’s not easy for us to take the kids away from school and their activities, it’s hard for us to make time to travel. That, plus when we do take vacation time off from our jobs, we don’t always want to have to spend all our time and money traveling to see family. My husband’s parents have been retired for many years. We would have loved to have them come and stay for extended visits but they never would make the effort. They seem to be able to take long trips out of state to see other family members, but never to come see us. Since they won’t travel to come see us, we only see them in person about twice a year. The problem is that their age is starting to catch up with them and they are having some health problems. It seems that because of this, my mother-in-law has started to guilt my husband in to making extra trips to visit. He’s been giving in to her demands to visit frequently and he’s also been making our young teen children go with him to see the grandparents. They’re not happy to be away from home and their friends and activities and I’m not happy to have them leave me alone to work and take care of the house and pets. I’m getting resentful of these trips and so are the kids. What can we do? This scenario screams of family meeting to me. With older children

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Is This the New Etiquette? Readers, Clue Joan In!

Is This the New Etiquette? Readers, Clue Joan In!

It was something I’d never seen before. It was a group of about 10 diners, all in their 20’s, who had placed their cell phones in a heap in the middle of the table while out to eat together. They were a lively group, talking and laughing. And, I admit to eavesdropping because I heard one of the guys in the group tell, in graphic detail, about a sexual encounter he’d had. I was stunned! Also curious to me was that the girl sitting next to him didn’t flinch, where what I heard him say made me cringe!! At the end of their meal, the cell phones got passed out to the group. I seriously thought about taking their picture because it was quite a sight to see all of them, heads bowed over their phones for a good 5 minutes or so, returning texts, or on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube?? They were so quiet and into themselves and their phones it seemed unnatural in a social setting. Yet, I’m sure a lot had happened in their world in the hour they were away from their phones! Readers, clue me in! I’d like to hear your comments. Is collecting cell phones when out to dinner with friends the new etiquette? Has off-color talk in mixed company become the norm? Post your comments to clue me in and start a discussion! The Joan Jerkovich Show News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Friend Used by Bosses?

Friend Used by Bosses?

We’ve all been struggling to get good jobs since college, and we’re a close group of friends. What makes us angry is that our one friend is being used by her bosses. First, she was passed over for a promotion that even the Board of Directors thought she should have gotten, but some guy with no experience got hired for the job instead of her. She had to train him for the job she should have gotten for herself. Then, she had to pick up the slack when he always seemed to be out of the office for one reason or another. It was like she was doing her job and his too. Now, she has been telling us that he has gotten fired, so she really is doing both jobs full time. The problem is that she always complains about this to us and we keep telling her to step up and let her bosses and the board know that she should officially be given the promotion, and the salary that goes with it. But, she just seems to keep complaining about her situation without doing anything to change it. When we ask her why she doesn’t stand up for herself, all she ever says is that her work situation “is complicated”. We hate seeing her being used and wish that she would assert herself, but since she doesn’t, how do we respond to her complaints and how can we help her? Maybe this is just the Life Coach in me but, from what you wrote, I sense that there is more to this story. If I were you, the next time I heard her complain about her job I would ask lots of questions. Try and get her to open up and talk more about the specifics of

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Manager Scheduled Vacation During Office Move?

Manager Scheduled Vacation During Office Move?

Our manager, in an effort to save costs, is telling all of us we have to help move our office to a new location. We’re not professional movers. The problem is, the manager has arranged to be on vacation during the move, and won’t be there to help out. We’re not happy. Anything we can do about this? What a terd…Ok…I’ll be politically correct and simply say that your manager isn’t a “team player”? Really? Wow…when you work in a place where management pushes their power around to dump on the employees, it’s a tough road to hoe. These are the type of managers that push employee morale to new lows. I’m going to guess that this isn’t the first, or only, thing this manager has done to dump on employees? Just a guess… This is a subject I’ve learned quite a bit about from my radio callers. The most important thing they’ve taught me is that you and your fellow employees need to document all the instances of dumping. Take notes and keep records when things happen. Don’t count on your memory. If you can capture “evidence” on your cell phone video or voice recorder do so. I know this is legal to do in my state, even if the other party is unaware that you are recording them, but check the laws in your state. Once you have sufficient evidence, organize as a group to decide who will be your spokesperson and make a case to the higher up bosses against your manager. There is power in numbers, so get as many fed-up employees together as you can to stand behind your claims. Yes, there are risks involved. One risk is that the manager can turn the tables on you and make a case against you as an

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