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Archive for the Relationships Category

Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

29 yrs. ago after our 1st child my husband did not have sex with me until 5 months after her birth. Since then only on vacations 3 to 4 times a year. This drove me to a very deep depression & I gained 80 pounds. Now, I have learned to turn off my sex drive and I no longer find him attractive, which is something new. But, it helps me take control of my feelings. No more crying. Now, everyone is telling him he had better fix his marriage, and all of a sudden after 30 yrs. he wants to sit down and talk about things. Can I put a hidden microphone on you and listen in? I’d love to hear what your husband has to say! It would be interesting to hear the tale of 30 years of no sex! What are his reasons? Excuses? How does that happen? Is he depressed, asexual or gay? Is this a result of prescription drug use, or illicit drug abuse? Where’s Sherlock Holmes when we need him? All silliness aside, this is a very distressing thing for you to have lived with (or should I say, lived without) for all these years. Women I’ve talked to whose husbands don’t want to have sex with them talk about how this makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them. It makes them question their femininity and attractiveness. It’s a real head-trip and I’m not surprised at all to hear this drove you to a depression. After all, I’m guessing that you didn’t sign on for this when you signed your marriage certificate. You were expecting, as were the men who have wives who won’t have sex with them, carnal delights more than 3-4 times per year. For your information, a marriage with sex

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Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

My husband and I recently moved from out of state and into a house next to neighbors with 2 little “yippy” dogs. Our neighbors are very friendly and we are eager to make new friends in the community, but the dogs are so annoying. They get let out at 5:30 am and then we hear them again at 11:00 pm when we are getting to bed. We’ve used earplugs and such but it get’s incredibly annoying. Last night when our neighbors were gone my husband got so mad he threw a shoe at one of the dogs. How should we approach our new neighbor friends without upsetting them? Walk over to their house, ring the door bell, put a big smile on your face, and when your new neighbors answer, tell them, using your most pleasant words and tone of voice, about the “yippy-yip”. Make sure they understand that this is most annoying when you hear it at 5:30am and again late at night. Keep the conversation friendly and the smile on your face. Invite them over for coffee and cookies. A responsible dog owner can and will find a way to quiet the barking. They understand that there are city ordinances protecting your rights to quiet, especially during the hours you mention. If the noise continues, take another walk over to the neighbor’s house. Once again, paste that big smile on your face, even though you may not feel quite so generous this second time around, and state your case. If this second go-around doesn’t get the “yippy-yip” to quiet down, you can either just learn to live with the annoying noise, or call the authorities. At this point in time, you’ll have to decide what their friendship means to you as calling the authorities will probably kill the

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Women Who Leave Men for Another Woman; Men and Emotions, Why They Withdraw, How They Get Hurt

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.1.14/11.1.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Why Men Withdraw Emotionally @ 0:00 The Love That Tore Up His Heart @ 8:22 Tore Up Heart Part 2 @ 28:08 Emotional Pain of Men @ 41:46 Wife Left Him for Another Woman @ 45:01 Women’s Sexual Desires and Behaviors @ 1:03:07 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Co-worker Gossips?

Co-worker Gossips?

I have a co-worker who stirs up trouble at work because she is always gossiping about someone.  It creates a lot of hard feelings and pits people against each other.  I know the manager has talked with her about this when others have complained.  How do I keep out of the drama? I’ve had to deal with this from both a co-worker and a management position so I’m going to give my opinion on how to handle this situation from both perspectives. If you’re having this problem with a co-worker, try and remove yourself from the gossip and in-fighting by disengaging.  Don’t be a willing audience to the gossip; don’t listen to it.  Turn a deaf ear to it, ignore it, or walk away from it if you have to.  Don’t join in with the gossip; keep your mouth shut.  Refrain from entering into a gossipy conversation about your other co-workers, go somewhere else to take your break if you need to. Finally, don’t repeat the gossip or share it with others.  Let it die a natural death.  If it gets too bad, report the source of the gossip to your supervisor.  It’s their job to help make your workplace conducive to performing the work you’re hired to do. If you’re a manager who sees the poison gossip creates among the staff you supervise, keep your focus on the person who instigates problems and stirs up drama.  One thing these types like to do is pit people against each other.  Often, the accusations that are slung about are not even true, which makes your job of managing difficult if problems do need to be addressed. The best way to discover the truth is to sit all the involved employees down together and confront them as a group.  When the person

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Going From Straight to Gay

Going From Straight to Gay

It’s more complicated than you might think. Prompted to delve in to this issue by my caller Antonio, whose wife of 15 years left him for another woman, the issues of leaving a straight relationship for a same sex one, are complex. Antonio was blindsided, and understandably hurt when his wife suddenly left him for her female lover. At the time, he was working three jobs to support her and their three children. So, what factors are at play when a spouse decides to leave their heterosexual relationship for a gay relationship? The differences between the sexes in this situation are vast. The Men. When men decide to venture outside of their heterosexual relationship, research supports the notion that they are simply acting on a basic homosexual attraction that has always been part of who they are. That may not be what you wanted to hear, but it is generally agreed that homosexual attractions never change and may grow stronger over time. For men, homosexual attractions always were and always will be. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 7% of men have sex with men, but gay men are estimated to comprise about 4% of the population. So, what’s up with the missing 3%? A 2006 study of gay men, published in the “Annals of Internal Medicine” indicated that nearly 10% of men in New York City who were surveyed identified themselves as straight, but, had sex exclusively with men! What? There’s that missing 3%! This same study found that nearly 10% of married men had experienced sex with another man in the preceding year. What’s going on here? Well, for men who have lived a predominantly heterosexual life, coming out gay is complex. In addition, many of them don’t see themselves as “gay”. Many of

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Dropping Out of School-Who Drops Out, Consequences, Help for Parents; Illegal Unpaid Internships

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/10.25.14/10.25.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Characteristics, Consequences of Dropping Out of School @ 0:00 Curfew After College @ 7:50 Caller Wants to Dropout @ 23:21 Dropouts, Help For Parents @ 42:11 Motivated 15 year old @ 44:58 Illegal Unpaid Internships @ 59:55 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Wife Won’t Have Sex?

Wife Won't Have Sex?

My wife and I have been married for 13+ years. As of 4 years ago, all physical relations stopped. She says she loves me but not in that way. Help please. Your question makes me sad. If expressing your love sexually within your marriage is important to you, but your wife has shut you out, she needs to realize that this expression of love is as important to your relationship as hugs, kisses, sharing your paycheck, raising your children and making a life and home together. Ask her how she would feel if you told her you still love her, but not in the way that leaves you feeling like you need to get up and go to work each day to help support her and the family? Assuming you fulfilled your role as the responsible, faithful husband for 13+ years, would she agree to your stopping being responsible and faithful? Have you put in your time, and done enough in this relationship, that you are now at liberty to shut down and shut her out of the things that she values in your marriage? I should hope not. While one might think this is only a man’s problem, there are also husbands who have no desire for sex. I’ve heard from both women and men who’ve struggled with a spouse who shut down sexually. Statistically, about one man to every five women will not have an active libido. In the battle of the sexes, women are most likely to use sex to catch a man and to have children, only to shut down once those feats are accomplished; and men often withhold sex if they are using it as a controlling (abusive?) tactic, or they lack libido due to drug abuse, or they have depression or other health problems.

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Fiancé’s Girlfriend Dictating Wedding Plans?

Fiancé’s Girlfriend Dictating Wedding Plans?

After 5 years of dating, my girlfriend and I are finally getting married. She’s had a girl pal that is almost always whispering in her ear. I get the feeling her friend is making large requests and decisions about our upcoming wedding. We both would prefer a smaller ceremony but my fiancée has been making unusual choices regarding the food, band, venue, and so on that I fear is just her friend influencing her. I mean, do we need a 12-piece Mariachi band or multiple chocolate fountains and ice sculptures? I love my fiancée so much but she can be a bit susceptible to suggestion. How can I help her realize that we should have this wedding on our own terms, and within our comfort zone? Talk, talk, talk to her. Communicate. Get in her ear and make sure that your voice comes through louder and clearer than her girlfriend’s opinions on what sort of wedding you’re going to have. Wedding planning is one area where I totally side with the couple. Totally. Girlfriends, sisters, mothers, and wedding planners, the list of meddlers can be a long one, especially if your fiancé is prone to letting people make decisions for her. Everyone can have an opinion on what sort of wedding you should have, but the only ones that count are those of you and your fiancé. I’ve watched enough of those “Say Yes to the Dress” shows where the bride comes out beaming in a dress that she loves, only to be shot down with rude and insensitive comments from her posse that includes her mother, sister or overly dictatorial bridesmaid. Often, their vision for her wedding is that she choose a gargantuan, tooled-out, blinged-out, princess gown where her style is sleek and understated. Or vice versa. The bride

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Unplug, Rest for a Day; People Who Give too Much; Take a Staycation

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/10.18.14/10.18.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Judgmental Toward Friend Who Does Too Much @ 0:00 Friend Mothers Whole Family @ 3:58 Social Giving Affecting Real Life @ 20:02 Give too Much, Unplug for the Day @ 35:40 Take a Mental Break @ 44:55 Take a Staycation @ 1:01:54 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Famous People Who Were Once Homeless; Poor and Homeless; Take Personal Responsibility

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/10.11.14/10.11.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Take Personal Responsibility @ 0:00 Unappreciative Squatters @ 5:14 Poor, Lived in Tent @ 22:07 Hold Onto Hope @ 43:03 Living in Car-Keep Fighting @ 44:55 Famous People Who Were Once Homeless @ 1:01:32 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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