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Archive for the Relationships Category

Six Steps for Deciding “When to be Patient” or “When to Take Action”

Six Steps for Deciding “When to be Patient” or “When to Take Action”

Patience can work well for you in certain circumstances, yet in others, it can work against you. Follow these six steps for determining when to be patient or when to take action. 1. Identify your impatience Once you identify the times when you feel the most impatient, you can step back and consider whether or not you have control over the situation at hand. If you don’t, such as when stalled in traffic, patience is called for. No amount of road rage, screaming, yelling, and honking your horn will get traffic moving any faster. When you have no control over the situation, practice patience. 2. Monitor your feelings If you are feeling stressed or anxious, in addition to feeling impatient, identify what it is that is stressing you. If being late on a report at work makes you feel impatient and irritable while waiting in line at the grocery store, practice patience at the store, but also vow to resolve any possible issues of procrastination that may feed in to your impatience in other areas of your life. When outside issues are feeding your impatience, take action. 3. Monitor your thoughts Thinking ahead to all the things you need to get done, when your hands are tied and you aren’t able to move forward, only keeps you in a state of worry, frustration and impatience. If you’re waiting for a package to arrive, fretting and worrying over it will only distress you. When worry and frustration take over your thoughts, practice patience. 4. Look in the mirror Take a serious look at how you appear to others when you’re impatient; if they are calm and in control in a situation where you are impatient, look to identify what is triggering you. Showing yourself as testy, irritable, short-tempered and grumpy is

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Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Drinking Dinner Guests Get Silly and Boring?

Whenever my husband and I have guests over for dinner, the party enjoys several glasses of wine. I, however, don’t drink and it’s common knowledge. As the evening wears on my husband and our guests become more and more animated and silly. To be honest, I begin to get very bored with the conversation and antics by the second hour. Our friends are such interesting people when they’re not drinking and I really wish they could just hold off for a night. The problem is my husband is usually the instigator of the partying. How can I tell him that these dinner parties are boring for me without ruining everyone else’s fun? So, you have to put up with a little boredom and silly, tipsy, antics for an evening? Is it worth it to keep these interesting friends in your life? Is your husband, whom you call “the instigator”, your bigger problem? When you have guests over for dinner, as the host, you get to call the shots. You get to decide how much alcohol you will, or will not, serve. Do you offer plenty of non-alcoholic options? If so, many social drinkers will mix a non-alcoholic drink in with their glass of wine. Or, would you rather have a non-drinking dinner party? The choice is yours. While your friends may prefer to have wine with their dinner, I’m sure that if the food and conversation are good they will still attend your dinner parties if alcohol is not served. It seems that your bigger issue is with your husband. Why are you afraid to talk to him about this? If he wants to serve alcohol, is there a middle ground where the two of you can find a compromise? Can you only serve wine with the meal? Can you

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The Truth About Thanksgiving; Native American Tribal Chief on Finding Your Purpose; Tribal Spirituality

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.29.14/11.29.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Finding Your Life Purpose @ 0:00 Soul Contract-Law of Love @ 7:55 Spirit Cleansing @ 25:53 Choose to Live Your Calling @ 43:55 Native American Spirituality @ 45:04 Tribal Chief-Finding Your Purpose, Pt. 1 @ 49:54 Tribal Chief-Finding Your Purpose, Pt. 2 @ 1:07:46 Thanksgiving-A Day of Celebration or Mourning? @ 1:23:35 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

Annoying Friend Talks Through Movie?

I recently went to the movies with some friends and one of them kept talking through the entire movie. I think he thought he was being funny but all of us were just really annoyed. Some of the other people in the audience were annoyed too because they kept looking over at us. I’m new to this group of friends and don’t feel comfortable telling him to shut up. Apparently none of the others did either because we suffered through the whole show. I really want to stay friends with the others but this guy is always in tow. Should I say something? You have a real dilemma on your hands since you’re trying to fit in to this new group of friends. You came to the right person with your question! I’m an absolute movie buff. It’s not unheard of for my husband and I to attend three movies, at the theatre, in one weekend! We both love movies and I’ve had my share of people sit beside me who are talking, or texting, or chewing their popcorn so loudly I feel like I’m not at the movies, but sitting next to a barnyard pig trough! I’ve also had to move because someone had such terrible B.O. (body odor) I was gagging. Or then there’s the person who falls asleep and snores through the movie. But, the most distressing movie patrons I’ve ever run in to (and I’ve blogged on this before) was the parents who brought their young girl, she was probably about 7 years old, to the “Wolverine” movie and the little girl was crying and hiding in her seat she was so scared. They didn’t leave with her through the whole movie. They just let her sit there terrified. There’s a reason movies have age ratings!

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Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

Grandkids Stealing from Grandmother?

I’m a senior woman living alone in the home I’ve been in for 40 years. My husband passed away years ago and I have my grandkids stop by periodically to help out around the house. Lately, I’ve suspected one of them has been taking money out of my wallet. I know my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I just have a feeling I’m missing some of the spare cash I keep around. It isn’t much money, and I love all my grandchildren so much for helping me. I’m not even sure which one would be taking the money and I definitely don’t want to pit them against each other. Should I just stop worrying about it? Stealing from a family member does happen in even the best of families. It usually happens during the adolescent or teen years, but can be a problem with adult family members as well. The reasons for stealing from family can be many. They might rationalize that they were just borrowing something and plan to give it back, even though they never seem to get around to returning the items or cash. Or, they may act on feelings of entitlement wherein they think you owe it to them. Low self-esteem might drive them to steal, or it can be an expression of anger or aggression toward the person they are stealing from. Other reasons can run deeper such as a personality disorder or drug addiction. In time, it may become evident that the thief is the proverbial “bad seed” in the family that will always skirt the borders of legal versus criminal. There are many reasons why a family member will steal from one of their own, but taking another persons property without their permission is never acceptable behavior. You ask if

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A Talk While High on Heroin

A Talk While High on Heroin

She wasn’t making sense and her words were slurred and garbled. After she talked about her trouble with drug abuse, I asked her if she was high. She was. On heroin. Heroin is the most abused, fast acting and popular of all opiate drugs. Almost immediately upon using heroin, users experience euphoria, warm flushing of the skin, dry mouth, heaviness in the arms and legs, and poor cognition. Cara exhibited poor cognition when she wasn’t really tracking with our conversation. It was disjointed and, to be honest, I almost hung up on her. It was frustrating trying to talk to her. Yes, I was trying to talk to someone in the throes of a heroin high. Other signs of heroin and opiate abuse include: • Shortness of breath • Disorientation • Sudden changes in behavior or actions • Cycles of hyper alertness followed by suddenly nodding off • Droopy appearance, as if extremities are heavy • Constricted (small) pupils Opiate abusers, even those pill poppers who abuse Oxycontin, Vicodin, Lortab and that class of medications, may initially be able to hide their drug abuse, but one sign they cannot hide is the constricted pupils. If you suspect an opiate addiction, one sure sign is if you see that their pupils are small, even in dim light, where the pupils in your eyes would normally open wider. Behavioral signs of heroin and opiate abuse include: • Lying or other deceptive behavior • Avoiding eye contact • Sleeping more • Poor hygiene • Slurred, garbled, incoherent speech • Apathy, lack of motivation • Stealing or borrowing money • Hostile toward loved ones • Withdrawal from family and friends While the above signs can apply to all opiate addictions, those specific to heroin abuse include possession of drug paraphernalia such as needles, syringes,

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Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

Mom Helping Brother But Not You?

My brother has lived with my Mom since college and he is now 45 years old. She does almost everything for him as he can barely hold down a job. I am recently divorced and am now a single father who’s living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes I could really use my Mom’s help but I feel like she always puts my older brother’s needs ahead of mine or my kid. Anytime I bring up my loser brother and how I wish she could help my son and I more, she cries and the conversation goes nowhere. How can I approach her without it becoming an emotional landmine? There seems to be more going on here than meets the eye. Does your brother have mental health issues? Why can’t he hold down a job? Why has he failed to let loose from his dependence on his mother? What draws your mother to doing so much for her adult child? Are there issues with her mental health that she is so fragile that just talking to her about this drives her to tears? Does she get teary when your “loser” brother asks her for help, or just you? Those are a lot of questions that, frankly, don’t need to be answered for you to find a way to convince your mother to lend you a helping hand. The reason I say they don’t need to be answered is because I believe this arrangement your brother and mother have is not ever going to change. Let’s talk about how you might work around it. If your mother starts to cry when you bring up your loser brother and how you wish she would help you more, her tears may be tears of guilt or shame or sadness or embarrassment. She has to know

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Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

Marriage of 30 Years and No Sex?

29 yrs. ago after our 1st child my husband did not have sex with me until 5 months after her birth. Since then only on vacations 3 to 4 times a year. This drove me to a very deep depression & I gained 80 pounds. Now, I have learned to turn off my sex drive and I no longer find him attractive, which is something new. But, it helps me take control of my feelings. No more crying. Now, everyone is telling him he had better fix his marriage, and all of a sudden after 30 yrs. he wants to sit down and talk about things. Can I put a hidden microphone on you and listen in? I’d love to hear what your husband has to say! It would be interesting to hear the tale of 30 years of no sex! What are his reasons? Excuses? How does that happen? Is he depressed, asexual or gay? Is this a result of prescription drug use, or illicit drug abuse? Where’s Sherlock Holmes when we need him? All silliness aside, this is a very distressing thing for you to have lived with (or should I say, lived without) for all these years. Women I’ve talked to whose husbands don’t want to have sex with them talk about how this makes them feel like there’s something wrong with them. It makes them question their femininity and attractiveness. It’s a real head-trip and I’m not surprised at all to hear this drove you to a depression. After all, I’m guessing that you didn’t sign on for this when you signed your marriage certificate. You were expecting, as were the men who have wives who won’t have sex with them, carnal delights more than 3-4 times per year. For your information, a marriage with sex

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Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

Annoyed By Yippy Dog?

My husband and I recently moved from out of state and into a house next to neighbors with 2 little “yippy” dogs. Our neighbors are very friendly and we are eager to make new friends in the community, but the dogs are so annoying. They get let out at 5:30 am and then we hear them again at 11:00 pm when we are getting to bed. We’ve used earplugs and such but it get’s incredibly annoying. Last night when our neighbors were gone my husband got so mad he threw a shoe at one of the dogs. How should we approach our new neighbor friends without upsetting them? Walk over to their house, ring the door bell, put a big smile on your face, and when your new neighbors answer, tell them, using your most pleasant words and tone of voice, about the “yippy-yip”. Make sure they understand that this is most annoying when you hear it at 5:30am and again late at night. Keep the conversation friendly and the smile on your face. Invite them over for coffee and cookies. A responsible dog owner can and will find a way to quiet the barking. They understand that there are city ordinances protecting your rights to quiet, especially during the hours you mention. If the noise continues, take another walk over to the neighbor’s house. Once again, paste that big smile on your face, even though you may not feel quite so generous this second time around, and state your case. If this second go-around doesn’t get the “yippy-yip” to quiet down, you can either just learn to live with the annoying noise, or call the authorities. At this point in time, you’ll have to decide what their friendship means to you as calling the authorities will probably kill the

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Women Who Leave Men for Another Woman; Men and Emotions, Why They Withdraw, How They Get Hurt

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/11.1.14/11.1.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Why Men Withdraw Emotionally @ 0:00 The Love That Tore Up His Heart @ 8:22 Tore Up Heart Part 2 @ 28:08 Emotional Pain of Men @ 41:46 Wife Left Him for Another Woman @ 45:01 Women’s Sexual Desires and Behaviors @ 1:03:07 Brought to you by: Martinelli’s Little Italy Hospice of Salina Bennington State Bank Dignity Care Home Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers Peaceful Body Wellness Retreat Sunflower Carpet One Preventative Medicine Center     The Joan Jerkovich Show   News Radio 1150 KSAL with Live-streaming Saturdays @ 6am CST   Click HERE to send Joan your Life Coaching questions   Join the conversation and post your respectful comments anonymously. We learn from each other!

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