Empowering Talk Radio

Archive for the Relationships Category

Boyfriend Friendly With Ex?

Boyfriend Friendly With Ex?

My new boyfriend has a very friendly relationship with his ex wife and it bothers me.  They get together for dinners out and talk on the phone often, but he assures me its nothing more.  I believe him, but the time he devotes to their friendship still bothers me.  There are no children so I feel like there’s no reason for them to keep in such close touch.  I’ve been trying to be the understanding girlfriend but now that we’re getting more serious it’s starting to bother me more.  Can I ask him to not see her because it bothers me?  My ex cheated on me so I know I’m more sensitive to this possibility. Yes, you can ask your boyfriend to not spend time with his ex, but let me know how that goes?!?  It’s not that this can’t work for you, but you will want to preface your “asking” with some heartfelt conversation first.  Talk to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel when he’s devoting time to his ex instead of you; and how its hard for you to trust because of your baggage of being cheated on; and how, damn-it, you just don’t like sharing him!  Has he invited you along to his dinner dates with his ex?  Have you met her?  Has he told her about you?  How serious is your relationship?  Are you more serious than he is?  Have you had “the (monogamy) talk”? Here’s a good boyfriend test.  If this really bothers you, go ahead and ask him to not see her…at least for a while until the two of you see where your relationship is headed.  A guy who is really serious about you will want to do this for you.  A good guy who will be sensitive and caring of

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Blonde, Buxom & Beautiful, Despised by “Catty” Females, Seeks Gay BFF

Blonde, Buxom & Beautiful, Despised by “Catty” Females, Seeks Gay BFF

Sound like a personals ad? It’s Vegas Baby! Men twenty years younger want to date her, women don’t want to be her friend. Her solution? Just make friends with gay guys. The plot thickens. Rochelle can’t understand why women don’t like her. Are they just catty? She tries her hardest to be friendly. Are they jealous that she looks so good for her age? She says the women her age are overweight and have let themselves go. Do the women worry that their husbands will put the moves on her? Well, they should be worried, because men half her age approach her. Rochelle has given up on making female friends so she called my talk radio show to discuss how to go about making gay guy friends. …but first, let’s talk about “Catty Women”! A woman who acts catty could be labeled such if she likes to talk behind the back of her girlfriends, likes to pit them against each other, or in general likes to gossip about other people. A catty woman won’t like you and will plot against you. Yes, they’re out there, but if you feel that you have been the target of a catty woman might you also be to blame? You could be, and you’d be wise to examine your own behavior before blaming those “catty women” who just don’t like you. Take the story of “SouthernGirl” who hit the Internet to find sympathy for how she has always been shunned and excluded by other girls. She says that even though she has tried they’ve just always disliked her and been “catty” towards her. A lot of guy friends have told her they think it’s because she’s attractive and the girls are just jealous. Listen to my podcast for how she got blasted by the

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Manipulators and Their Victims; Business Fears, Juggling Success

http://joanjerkovich.com/podcasts/2.15.14/2.15.14Podcast.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | DownloadSubscribe: Android | RSSPodcast Segments: Traits of the Manipulator @ 0:00 Set Yourself Apart from Job Applicants @ 5:43 Business Marketing Fears@ 21:05 Traits of Manipulators Victims @ 42:37 Juggling Business Success @ 45:04 Why People Manipulate @ 1:02:44 Brought to you by: Hospice of Salina Martinelli’s Little Italy Dignity Care Home McCall Manor Bennington State Bank Troy and Lorie’s Cafe (TLC)        

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Manipulated by Friend?

Manipulated by Friend?

My mouth always gets me in trouble. I don’t always know when to shut up and just blurt things out when I shouldn’t. My good friend and I talk every day and I appreciate her support because I’ve had a rough year with a divorce and getting back to dating hasn’t gone so well. My problem is that I’m beginning to feel that my friend has been baiting me, manipulating me and getting me to fight her fights. When she has a problem with one of the girls from our group of girlfriends, she will talk to me and tell me things that I now feel are shared hoping that I will be the one to confront our friend. I’m starting to feel like she’s been using me to do her dirty work. Could this be happening and how can I deal with her manipulations? Yes, this could be happening, especially if you are seeing a pattern of this in your friend, but there are many more questions that need answered before jumping to the conclusion that your friend is manipulating you. Manipulation is acting intentionally to control someone. The manipulation can be done through either covert actions, such as talking to two people behind each other’s back to try and turn them against each other, similar to what you describe, or their actions can be more overt. Overt manipulations take the form of angry verbal threats and bully tactics. If any of these actions seem to fit the behavior of your friend, she just may be using you. You ask how you can deal with this and the first thing you need to know is that, generally speaking, you can’t change a manipulator so don’t even try. Don’t waste your time trying to point out their behavior, or how

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Friend Stretches the Truth?

Friend Stretches the Truth?

I have a casual friend who is a big talker in that he always has something to say and he often stretches the truth. Recently, he tried to tell me that he has lots of money in the bank because he used to be part owner in a business. He lives like a pauper but explained that away by saying he chooses to live a simple life. This sounded like more of a stretch than usual so I caught up with his ex wife and asked her to reveal the truth. I wasn’t surprised to hear that he had lied (or exaggerated the truth) and that he doesn’t have the money he said he did, and he didn’t own the business, he just worked there. How can I trust this guy? You can’t trust this guy. If he is stretching the truth to this degree you are wise to be wary of anything he says. You should also be careful what you say to him because he sounds like the type that would spread big stories about you as well. Your question prompts me to share with you one of my favorite quotes: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ― Maya Angelou   Walk away from this situation knowing that while you have always known your friend to stretch the truth, this whopper that he told may have crossed the line. It is said that everyone lies to some degree, but there are limits to what you will want to tolerate in a friend. In reading about liars, I ran across information on pathological liars. An interesting study. These are people who lie about things that don’t make sense to lie about. They can be trivial things or they can be lies that impact their

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Home-schooled, Socially Awkward?

Home-schooled, Socially Awkward?

I was home schooled until I went to college and have never been to a public school. I’m having problems interacting with people because I don’t understand the pop culture references they make and I feel awkward around them. How do I make friends with people I have nothing in common with? Here is my suggestion for making friends…the greatest compliment you can give a person is to remember their name and show an interest in them and their lives. People love to talk about themselves and about things they are interested in. They want validation and this can be given as you nurture new friendships by being enthusiastic and positive when you’re with them. You don’t need to know all about pop culture, or any subject for that matter, to make friends. Listen attentively and ask questions drawn from what they are talking about, then, listen some more. Let them tell you about their world and as you sit back and listen with a bright, accepting smile on your face, I guarantee you have a new friendship in the making. Another easy way to make new friends is to get involved in activities that you enjoy and are interested in. This will bring you in contact with people who have common interests and the conversation can flow from that starting point. Speaking on my own lack of understanding, if you put me in front of a group that, let’s say, was really into online gaming, I wouldn’t understand the unique gaming lingo. That said, I’m a real curious sort and wouldn’t hesitate to ask them all sorts of questions about gaming keeping the conversation flowing. If you are mindful of the unspoken body language people put off, called social cues, they won’t mind your questions. But don’t be a

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The Jekyll and Hyde of Borderline Personalities

The Jekyll and Hyde of Borderline Personalities

You’ve dealt with them, you may work with or have a relationship with one, and we’ve all had our run-ins with Borderlines. While I’m not the type of licensed professional who is qualified to diagnose someone with BPD – Borderline Personality Disorder, I’m pretty darn certain that Amber, who called my radio show, would fall in to that category. Why? While our call was super cool with the usual positive, supportive Life Coaching chain of conversation, it was the emails she sent me following that took me back! Whoa! As is typical of a Borderline, one minute they love you and you are the greatest thing since the Internet, and the next minute you are a hated infecting virus! Classic Borderline. Let me tell you some about Borderlines then tell you my story of Amber. BPD first shows up in the teens and early 20’s, most usually, as poor performance in school and at work. These individuals are the ones who start the fights and arguments, create all the drama and are generally disruptive to the peace of those who come into contact with them. While there is believed to be a genetic component to BPD, it is also believed that neglect or abuse can trigger the disorder. A statistic I found said that 1 in every 25 people have some element of BPD in them, but I found that number to be crazy high, yet, if true, I’m not off the mark in saying that you’ve dealt with a Borderline before. Before I tell you my story, I want to share some of the characteristics of Borderline Personality that led me to believe I was dealing with one: • Views of others can shift dramatically without warning • Extremes of either idealizing or undervaluing people • Quickly changing emotions

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Introverted Husband, Extroverted Wife: Opposites Attract?

Introverted Husband, Extroverted Wife: Opposites Attract?

My new husband is a professional who works with people all day, so when he’s off he never wants to hang out with our friends who are also young professionals without kids.  He says he gets enough of people at work and enjoys his quiet, alone time.  He has always called himself an introvert, but this leaves me wondering if I have a lifetime ahead of either resentfully staying home with him or going out without him? My advice to you, dear, young wife, is to resolve this in your mind early on because it will save you years of fussing and fighting with your husband.  Introverts recharge their batteries and thrive on being alone.  For them, being around people in social settings saps their energy.  For extroverts, the opposite is true; to be around people energizes them.  I’m suspecting that you and your husband are social opposites, hence your angst. Resolve in your mind that being an introvert is your husband’s nature.  Resolve in your mind that he will not change.  Resolve in your mind that the two of you can live happily with this difference.  How?  Go out with your friends alone.  Embrace your independence.  Adjust your thinking to the fact that it can be self-enriching for you to act independent of your husband.  It can be uniquely freeing. Getting married is not getting surgically attached to each other like conjoined twins!  How do I know this can work?  I could list countless couples in long term marriages that rarely attend social events together or even travel together, yet they’ve found a way to make it work and you can too!  Now, if your husband doesn’t think you should do things alone without him, and expects you to spend your life, sitting in the easy chair next to

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Drunk Driving Friend?

Drunk Driving Friend?

I met a friend for drinks at the bar and when she showed up it was apparent that she had already been drinking. We didn’t drink much, but when it was time to go home I could tell she was even tipsier. I’m guessing that if she got stopped she would have gotten charged for drunk driving. I knew she didn’t have far to drive but worried that she would make it home safely. Should I have insisted on driving her home? You seem haunted by this dilemma and rightly so. We don’t carry breathalyzers with us for just this sort of event, yet, even if we did would we approach a friend about their drinking and driving? This can be a touchy subject, especially for that frequent drinker who may have a drinking problem that they are in denial about. I think your approach boils down to personality. If you’re an assertive person, who has a strong inclination toward following the rules, you will probably be more inclined to take your drunken friends’ keys away. If you’re a more “live and let live” person you’ll just hope they get home safely. Whatever your personality, you could give some thought to approaching your friend about her drinking. Approach her, obviously when she’s sober, with care and concern and tell her how worried you felt when you let her drive home in her tipsy state. The next time this happens, I think that since you have been haunted by this dilemma, you will make the decision to drive your friend home. Intervening before a drunken friend gets behind the wheel of a car is being a good citizen in your community. We thank you for that! Embrace your Personal Power with Life Coaching~ • Thinking through this scenario, what will you

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Do I have to wear my wedding ring?

Do I have to wear my wedding ring?

An annoying, frequent argument that I have with my wife is that she wants me to wear my wedding ring all the time and I don’t want to wear it at all.  I work as a high-tower rescuer so can’t wear it at work due to safety concerns. I can’t risk getting it caught in the ropes and rigging and she understands that, but still wants me to get down from the tower and put my wedding ring on before I leave the rescue site. I’m also a big sportsman and have never wanted to wear a watch or anything else.  Do I have to wear my wear my wedding ring? This question came from the coolest ever seat-mate on a flight…I’ll call him J-man… Marriage is all about negotiation and compromise and cutting to the chase the answer to your question is “yes”…and sorry if that wasn’t the answer you wanted to hear.  The bigger question, however, is how much you have to wear your wedding ring. This is where you will have to negotiate with your wife.  She seems pretty intent, no, make that very intent, on having you always wear your wedding ring and you are very intent on not wearing it at all. You are starting your negotiations from complete polar opposites on this issue and both of you will have to compromise. Understand that your wife could be wanting you to wear your wedding ring for many reasons and that they may have nothing to do with whether or not she trusts you.  Have you asked her what those reasons are?  Are you willing to really listen, hear her, and take to heart why this is so important to her?  Her reasons could be emotionally charged.  Has she ever been cheated on?  While she may trust you,

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